It's been a week since the Oscars.
I watched the show on Fast Forward , stopping only occasionally to listen to a nominated song or view Ellen's monologue & of course watch my favourite part of any Oscars show, the In Memoriam Segment, where we trawl through the cavalcade of stars & key film industry players who died over the past year. I'm always hoping that someone will turn up on the list that I didn't realise had passed away. I'm not sure why, but I do.
Perhaps it's because I enjoy the heady combination of shock, surprise & schadenfreude that can often accompany news of someone's death. But not someone close to me of course.
This year there were no surprises. Either I had never heard of the dead person - like a special effects pioneer, or I already knew.
I keep waiting for Mickey Rooney's turn. He must be 100.
Can't believe I've turned the Oscars into a Giant Obituary. Why can't I talk about Liza Minnelli's blue Smurf hair & matching blue silken pjs & orthopaedic shoes ? Or Brad Pitt's badly tailored Tom Ford pants? Or Anna Kendrick's one- boob -in -a -sling look? Or poor old Kim Novak's smooth as a sow's ear face at 81?
That's because it's already been covered by Fashion Police. Why gild the lily?
But seriously, I learnt a few important lessons from this year's Oscars:
1. If I want to look like a movie star, I'll wear a cape. Even in the classroom.
2. Avoid messing around with your face. I felt vv sad when I saw my favourite Goldie Hawn. And of course, Kim Novak. And Liza. All my old heroines look like they've been invaded by Aliens.
3. Don't slim down to such an extent that your head looks bigger than your waist. I'm including a snap of myself playing Donatella Versace below so you can see what I mean.
I've followed it with a photo of me playing me in the classroom in a thrifted silk Lisa Ho mother of the bride floral dress where I'm desperately trying not for my head to be bigger than my waist. I think I've succeeded admirably.
4. I'm really stretching it to get to four things I've learned from the Oscars. There must be something........oh yes, this is a good one. If I have to get up & speak to the whole school at Assembly & I'm nervous, I'll just channel the Majesterial Manner of Angelina Jolie when she partnered ancient Sidney Poitier to the microphone to give a Humanitarian award. Or Cate Blanchett when she gave her acceptance speech even if her dress did look a little like Glinda, the Good Witches costume in The Wizard of Oz.
There's so much more for me to say.
Like I went on a giant shopping spree at Bondi Westfield this past weekend with my daughter Maeflower & her fiancé Tacitus. It was her birthday yesterday & it will be mine in a few days. Thank God I'm not turning sixty again. I couldn't stand it. It's just soo low key to turn 61. I mean, why even bother having a birthday at all, I say!
To celebrate, I bought her a wonderful Tommy Hilfiger trench, which you can see below.
And after much fussing, I bought myself a Michael Kors bag & a dainty little Marc Jacobs shoulder bag.
I can't believe I bought Michael Kors. It just screams Mall. But I did it anyway, & I've already used it today so I can't v well take it back. I think I was seduced by the Versace-like Large gold hardware on it. And those Michael Kors ads where the model is covered in gold jewelry & wearing shades of camel which always screams Something I Always Wanted to Look Like.
After four hours in Westfield, we were forced to detox outdoors in the grounds of Vaucluse House surrounded by tame goats & wild mushrooms. Mae is wearing a little thrifted dress in ,what used to be called in My Day, a Granny Print. I'm wearing a thrifted man's Zegna shirt which I love even though I spilt the inside of a Chinese Dumpling all down the front of it which is a pity because I'm a Lousy Laundress.