In the Clearing Stands a Boxer And a Fighter by Her Trade

I am now Officially On Holidays.

Today I celebrated by having my first Personal Training Session at a local park. My trainer is Miss Jay, The Games Mistress at school who Moonlights, or perhaps more aptly, Sunlights as a Personal Trainer.

I found it a Cathartic Experience. The highlight was the boxing.

I have never before boxed.

Miss Jay presented me with a set of 'Everlast' boxing gloves & instructed me to put them on. I instantly felt like a boxer.

I then had to run around the park with them on while Princess Pip, who is training with me, had her turn.

When she finished, I had to stand with one foot forward & put up my dukes. Miss Jay then stood in front of me holding leather pads & told me to imagine that the pads were a Nameless Person's Head. She then told me to punch the living daylights out of them.

It was fantastic. I had to punch in different ways. Up, down, across.

I got v. nasty & even used some expletives that wouldn't normally cross my lips.

Miss Jay told me to be careful because if I missed & hit her by mistake, I would instantly knock her out.

On the way home, I found myself inwardly singing, 'I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar', a far cry from the days when I used to sneeringly substitute 'snore' for 'roar'.

You may wonder if I'm becoming a little obsessed with Middleagedbodyimage.

Absolutely Not. Although I have become fascinated with the gradual growth of tiny little muscles in my front area that I never knew existed. And... I still can't do a proper sit up. Imagine what kind of a washday stomach I'd have if I could do them!

Personally, I blame the fact that I had a Caesarean. But that's a whole other story.

Time is slipping by & in fact, it's just gone My Official Bedtime. Plus my left hand is feeling a little strange. Perhaps I boxed too hard.

So now I'll revert to Summary:

(A) Look look look at my Story of Prometheus on the whiteboard. I particularly liked how I made Zeus a large, overfed Pussy Cat.

(B) Still loving wearing Navy. I could be dressing for The Polo. Or perhaps I could be looking like someone's Mum. Or both. At once.

(C) The Ex-School Nurse & Lampshade Me at our Market Stall on Sunday.

We made a dashing pair.

(D) Here's how to have a Clothing Stall. Throw everything on tables. People love it.

The Stall of Stalls

1. I sooo shouldn't be writing this.

2. It's sunday nite.

3. Its perilously close to my Allotted Bedtime.

4 .I still have twenty-two Year 7 creative writing scripts to mark before tomorrow.

5. I still have a lesson to prepare on 'Bladerunner'/'Frankenstein' for tomorrow morning's 8.30am Senior Class & they claim that they can tell when I don't prepare the lesson.

6. I've spent all day out in the Blazing Sun risking Sunstroke & perhaps Severe Sunburn all in the name of Commerce.

7. But I just had to show you How to Have a Market Stall.

8. My friend, The Ex-School Nurse & I shared the stall .

9. We each had a small department store's worth of clothes to sell.

10. We both love shopping at 'BednobsEtc'.

11. All you do is tip all the clothes onto tables & let Excited Shoppers rummage.

12. We both made a Tidy Sum.

13. That is all I can say right now.

14. Much more tomorrow.

Ear Chandeliers

It's sunday night. I've just eaten a couple of v. unsatisfactory supposedly organic sausages & some roasted vegetables. Now I'm Multi-Tasking.

Yes, I'm sitting huddled in front of a little two-bar radiator typing. I'm also waiting.  That's two tasks.

 Perhaps most people would not consider waiting to be an task. I beg to differ. 

And maybe  you're wondering what I am waiting for. I'm waiting for the next episode of Agatha Christie's 'Miss Marple' to begin on TV.

Ever since I gave up reading Enid Blyton, I have been obsessed with Agatha's Great Detectives - Hercule Poirot & to a lesser extent, Miss Marple. There's something incredibly comforting & cozy about people being murdered in the library of a large English Country House with a whole gaggle of  dysfunctional weekend house guests as suspects. And I just love getting whipped up into a frenzy by all the Red Herrings that Agatha generously throws about.

The other thing is that I can never guess who the murderer is. Even if I've read the book or seen the episode before. More than once.  It's a little favour that my Mind does for me so I'm Always  in Suspense. What a great way to live.

Anyway, this wasn't supposed to be a Blog Post about Me & Miss Marple. So, I'm not going to say any more about it because I'm In Charge.

This post is supposed to be about Me & My Ear Chandeliers.  I bought them quite recently at my favourite Cheap Jewel Shop in the Mall, 'Diva'.  They were only seven bucks. I have a rule when buying from 'Diva': I only buy stuff when it's Significantly On Sale. It's another way of achieving Abundance Through Frugality.

Anyway, as you can imagine, the Ear Chandeliers attract quite a lot of attention, which of course is something that I crave. But I'm not quite sure if it's really the Right Kind. Instead of saying something like, 'Oh, I just Love your Earrings', people can't help saying, 'Aren't your ears sore?' 

I always instantly snap, 'NO'.  And I'm not lying. Maybe my ears have become De-Sensitized from years of  carrying heavy weights. What a shame that the rest of me hasn't followed suit. I would just soooo love to sail through life Not Feeling a Thing, instead of being constantly gripped by some awful thought. 

Back to the Ear Chandeliers. 

On saturday I wore them to 'Bednobs & Broomsticks' Thrift Shop. 

When I walked in, Cherie, The Cheerful Assistant, took one look at them & said:

'You know, your ears remind me of my Great Grandmother Sibyl's Ears, who died three days short of her 100th birthday. She wore v. heavy gold earrings all her life & by the time she died, the holes in her lobes were the size of Large Peas.'

It's great to know that I've got 100 year-old Ear Lobes.

Rivers of Gold

I'm more than usually excited about today's post because I've actually got some genuinely interesting photos of Other People  instead of the usual endless Wardrobe Shots of me either standing next to The Potholder in the kitchen or in front of The Sacred Whiteboard in the classroom. 

You may recall that I had a stall at the Rozelle Markets on sunday with The Ex-School Nurse & her gamin daughter, Guinevere, who is featured in the above photo, on the right. She looks so fab & interesting, particularly after she layered her striped top with one of my own castoffs, a little reversible jacket by Australian, but really Japanese designer, Akira Isogawa. Next to Guinevere is is Belle Fleur. She is wearing a dress that she had made up in Vietnam. Belle had always wanted a Sailor Dress (perhaps echos of 'Gigi'?) but she had some difficulty in communicating what one looked like to the seamstress. So, it's an Approximation of a Sailor Dress. I thought it was wonderful.

Throughout the day, I had such fun bragging to all our customers that I taught both these girls when they were in Year 10. I'm sure people were thrilled.

And then there's Little Lolita above. I definitely didn't teach her. 

And The Red & Black Lady. She is also not one of my ex-students, but I was flattered that she bought this bag from me because I thought she looked so beautifully put together & stylish.

In fact, I was amazed that anybody bought anything. I tipped bags & bags & bags of clothes on to a trestle table that looked like an enormous pile of Dirty Washing. People spent ages happily ferreting through it all while ignoring a fairly well-organised clothes rack that  I placed across from  it. Maybe flicking through a clothes rack isn't as exciting as Digging Deep for Bargains with the thought that there could be a Hidden Brand lurking underneath.

And talking of brands, don't people just love them? I had a number of really daggy old Von Trotska & Allanah Hill (Australian designers) dresses that were snapped up immediately by Salivating Shoppers. But then I had a pure wool pleated 'Jaegar' skirt that I thought people would go nuts over.  One v. picky woman examined it closely & immediately pointed to a Moth Hole. When I said she could have it for five bucks she sniffed & walked off. I was mortified.

And here I am in front of the clothes rack. See how well-organised & tame it is. Absolutely No Thrill of the Chase . 

And when many of the dresses  hung there all day just Longing to be picked up & taken off to a New Life, I felt sad. Why didn't people want them, I wondered?

But I'm creating the wrong impression.

In fact, many items were sold & I spent quite a while at home counting notes & golden coins. But sadly not enough to have my teeth Professionally Cleaned.

Here I am again with Belle Fleur trying not to look like a Tarot Card Reader.

 

But by far the most exciting outfit of the day was worn by Hamish, below. He is fifteen, & attends a kind of  'Fame' School for Performing Arts. But he's also a part of the Australian Junior Equestrian Team which accounts for the one riding boot that he had on which I now realise you can't see. He had on a Mocassin or maybe a Boat Shoe on the Other Foot. He was also wearing a kilt. Or maybe it was just a pleated tartan skirt.

Violet Lady. I just loved the huge bunch of violets that she stuck on her beret. And not forgetting the Parasol. She had an enormous amount of Red Xmas Balls in her bag. Getting in early, I guess.

I was sooo thrilled when this fabulously stylish lady, whose son (on the right) dragged her into Our Nest & made her buy him a singlet covered with pictures of Mao that looked simply horrible on me. Who wants to wear a Nasty Dictator anyway? 

The Stylish Lady  is one half of wonderful Australian brand, 'Easton Pearson' & I guess she's Head to Toe in it.  

I tried hard not to be too envious or jealous or in fact to Compare Myself. 

I nearly succeeded.

I'm getting a little fed up with this now. It's taking forever & I need to finish so that I can get in front of the bathroom mirror to  examine my newly tinted & shaped eyebrows which I hope is in the style of Michele Obama.  I want Mobrows. At least, that what  I think  they're called. I also had my eyelashes tinted which may add to my New Slightly Slutty Look & may stand me in good stead when I have a meeting with Mr. Ex-Middleaged this coming thursday. Hopefully, I wont cry. But if I do, I can be secure in the knowledge that they'll be no Nasty Black Rivers running down my face.

So now I'll be brief. Look at her bakelite twenties brooches. Fab eh?

Look at the masterful way that The Ex-School Nurse handles customers. She's on the left.

And lastly, Look at Me.

To Market To Market to Lay a Fat Egg

I'm Almost, but not quite, Half-Crazed. 

It's saturday night just before eight. I've just posed on a pile of clothes & bags that hopefully I will sell tomorrow at the Rozelle Markets. 

By the way, I can't believe the Half-Arsed way I'm posing like I'm just about to star in my v. own MILF Film (Rude Films with Middleaged Mums having sex) - like  I'm a  salivating middleaged woman hungrily waiting for the Pizza Delivery Man to arrive with a Salami Pizza. Or maybe the plumber who's going to Unclog the Drain. 

Let me assure you, Nothing is Further from My Mind.

As soon as I finish writing this post, I'm going to cram all that stuff & more into newly-purchased plastic checked Homeless People's  zippered bags. Then I'm going to lug them about a hundred metres  to the Kings Cross Car Park where my car is stored on a lower level. And then I'm going to pop them into the Boot, or Trunk if I was in North America, but I'm not, so it's The Boot. Maybe I'll have to make a number of trips.

Then I have to immediately Get into Bed & turn the light off. Hopefully by 9.30. This is my New Official Bedtime because I read a book by rubber-faced ex-actress, but expert on ageing, Suzanne Somers who said that we all should go to bed at that time because all the Hateful Cortisol or whatever that makes us look a hundred & poisons us, leaves our bodies most effectively if we're asleep well & truly before twelve. Hope she's right.

Then I have to get to the market which is across town by 8.05 am. sunday morning.

I'm sharing the stall with my friend the Ex-School Nurse & her beautiful daughter, Guinevere, who incidentally I used to teach many moons ago. They are super-stylish & organised. 

I'm definitely hoping that some of that will rub off on me.

I have not much of an idea of what to charge for things. 

Abundance

It's an Update Kind of Week

Being an English Teacher, I'm always looking for Themes. 

Maybe I'm biased, but to me Death is the most popular theme in English literature. I guess it's what we've all got in common with each other.

 I often like to Dress Thematically, you know like a Scottish Person or a Trekkie or something. Sometimes I like Dinner Party Conversation to have a theme, like 'Where Are They Now' or 'Therapy Through The Ages' or my personal favourite 'Ageing'. But rarely, if ever, do I have a theme on the blog.

But it seems that this week is an exception - I have a theme - Updates!

Yes, in Monday's post I gave a kind of update on Mr Ex-Middleaged and today's post is an update on January's obsession with 'Abundance Through Frugality'. You may or may not recall it. And Such a Timely Theme it was too, with the Financial Crisis or Recession, or maybe, Depression. 

Anyway, last year I embraced Frugality. I've always liked the Idea of Frugality, but I never cared for the Meanness that often went with it. My Grandmother & Great Aunt Essie always saved string which they kept in a kitchen drawer. In fact, I think String Saving was a v. popular pastime for folk who lived through The Great Depression. Not that my relatives were Mean. They absolutely weren't. But it was more that I always associated being frugal with Used String. 

And what a revelation it was to discover only last year that there was far more to Frugality than String . You may be surprised to learn that it opened me up to a Whole New World of Fun, Excitement, Challenge, & dare I say, Risk! 

You see, I'd always had a Shocking Attitude towards Money. If I had it, I'd just spend it. And then I'd be Gripped with Panic when an Important Bill would arrive & I couldn't pay it. Many's a year when I'd drive my car with Absolutely No Car Insurance because I didn't pay the bill. American Express finally took my card away after twenty-five years because I didn't pay the bill. And I couldn't go back to the Neurologist because I didn't pay the bill. Not that he deserved it. But that's a whole other story.

By now you're probably wondering what all this talk of shocking financial irresponsibility has got to do with the pictures that accompany the text. 

What would a picture of a small indoor forest, old linen tea towels, a wardrobe shot of me & then a picture of a woman in a bathing costume have to do with Frugality?

Well, the Indoor Forest is a current installation in my kitchen. Because I no longer buy flowers, I have to find other ways of having some Nature around . I often drag flowers & branches home that I find on the street. Lately, I've been asking Natalie, the School Gardener, who prunes every week, if I can take home some offcuts. This week she gave me The Small Forest. I'm so thrilled, but  sadly, the leaves have already begun to fall. 

Oh well, Everything's Temporary.

The tea towels are wonderful vintage ones that I found at 'Bednobs & Broomsticks' thrift shop. They're Irish Linen & of course I can't bring myself to use them. So I had to go to the supermarket & buy new ones. 

But it was a Good Try at Frugality.

Talking of 'Bednobs & Broomsticks', here's some cute shoes that I bought there recently for twelve bucks.  They were probably a half a size too small when I bought them, but because I have a Flexible Attitude towards Shoe Sizes I bought them anyway. Amazingly, they seemed to have Slightly Stretched, which is the first time that a shoe has ever done that for me. Thank you, Caring Shoes.

Oh, that's another thing about Abundance Through Frugality - I actually notice & appreciate what I get. And I feel grateful for everything. Before I wouldn't have even noticed.

Here we are at the last photo. I just love it. It's a picture of Hateful Hjordis, the wonderful actor David Niven's second wife who apparently could have been the original model for the Evil Stepmother in Hansel & Gretel. It was in last month's 'Vanity Fair' magazine. In the past, I spent literally hundreds of dollars a month buying magazines. I was obsessed & used the fact that I'm a collagist as an excuse to fuel my obsession. 

Now, I still get magazines but I don't pay for them.  I 'borrowed' the magazine from 'Zinc', my local cafe, photographed all the things that interested me & then took the magazine back to the cafe with no one the wiser. 

Next post or so, I'll tell you about my Adventures with Garbage in part two of 'Abundance Through Frugality- An Update'.

Older Women Looking Great with Long Hair

In my last post I made a Rather Broad Sweeping Statement about how women over a certain age, say 30, shouldn't wear hair past their shoulders.  This kind of remark belongs in the back of  The Wardrobe, along with Blue & Green Should Never Be Seen & something about the Seasonal wearing of white shoes. 

One of my favourite online friends who is a Definite Fashionista dropped me a line & gently reminded me that in fact, she has hair past her shoulders & is over 30.

I'm Nothing if Not Insulting. And perhaps not v. observant either. 

Anyway, I was really making a snide remark about Sherry Argov, the author of 'Why Men Marry Bitches'. Not that I've got anything against Dear Sherry, who's book I found slightly uncomfortable because I recognised my Needy Little Self, if not on every page, but on quite a few of them. 

Sherry's hair has Lady Godiva references, which I'm sure attracts droves of men to her little honeypot. I must stop this immediately. I'm being Undignified.

Back to me. 

Yesterday after school, I raced over to 'Just Cuts' & had a haircut. My hair had suddenly become dangerously close to skimming my shoulders & I wanted to avoid Any Hint of Hypocrisy. I love going to 'Just Cuts' because its a mere $25 if I don't have a shampoo which perfectly dovetails into My New Frugality.

I always sit down at the chair, the stylist asks 'How would you like it Love?' & I always say, 'Goldie Hawn'. She nods wisely & then for the next twenty minutes or so I become transported by her words into another world. Yesterday, she told me about the behaviour of her brother-in-law who uses an online dating service to target single mothers for sexual favours. He prefers them because they are so grateful for the attention that they don't complain about shoddy treatment & perhaps performance. Luckily, she's a good hairdresser.

How far I have strayed from My Original Topic!

Anyway, I started to think about Fabulous Women over 30 with  Long Hair & desperately tried to think of examples. First cab off the rank was Stevie Nicks. I half-heartedly googled her. But all her photos looked air-brushed. And you know what a stickler for Reality I am. 

Princess Anne, perhaps? Too much like a Nasty Adult in a Roald Dahl book. Anyway, I'm not sure if she's really got hair past her shoulders.

Then  in a magazine I came across a fawning profile of an Muscular Italian Stick Insect Fashionista called Anna Della Russo. She's the one in the first photo wearing the small snarl, or it it sneer?

 I became instantly entraced. I'm not exaggerating. I would so love to look like her. Or at least a part of me would. She works for Nippon Vogue or something & doesn't like 'Cheap clothes'. 

In an effort to emulate Anna, I visited 'Gucci' today & actually went inside. I was dangerously close to buying one of those dangly charm thingys that hang from handbags for $165. And then I considered buying a 'Messenger' bag for $500. But it was too daggy.  Luckily, all the big ticket bags had far too much Brassy Hardware hanging off them. I'm sure Anna wouldn't be caught dead carrying one of those.

The second picture is of course is Patti Smith. I have never never been hip enough to listen, let alone appreciate the music of Patti Smith. But I do appreciate her general appearance. She is five foot eight, unless she's shrunk in later life. I am five foot three & always wanted to be tall. 

Anyway, I think Patti looks great with long hair & I don't even mind the grey.

If you can come up with any examples of Older Women looking great with Long Hair, I'd love it

Abundance Through Frugality

I just had to show you these paper napkins that challenge my Dictum of 'Abundance Through Frugality'. In keeping with the theme, I was given only Six of them, instead of the whole packet.

I actually don't agree that frugal is an ugly word. I think it sounds much better than 'Tight' or 'lousy' or 'Tight wad' or 'tight arse' or possibly 'stingy'. 

'Frugal' reminds me of my Great Aunt Essie, who, like many women of her generation ,was an avid collector of string. Have I just ruined  yet another sentence by adding too many commas, I wonder?