Friday, October 28, 2011

Shamelessly Copying a Design Blog

Bonjour & Welcome to My Friend, The Ex-School Nurses' Home. 
Yes, this blog entry is my attempt to shamelessly copy what is known as a 'Sneak Peak'  from one of my favourite blogs, Design Sponge.
I rarely, if ever mention Other Blogs. It's as if I'm Alone in my Own Special Section of the Bloggosphere, although I would prefer to call it The Bloggoverse. OMG, I just coined yet another term, although I can't actually remember what the other ones are.
Note to Self: From now on, You must, repeat, MUST keep Strict Records of any new terms You coin.
Bloggoverse sounds soo much more poetic than bloggosphere, don't you think? And of course, I'm The Abandoned Princess of The Bloggoverse, a Middleaged Rapunzel-like creature trapped in a doorless tower with hair that sadly isn't quite long enough to be used as a ladder for the Middleaged Handsome Prince to climb up & rescue her. So, she's stuck writing Blog Entries for ever.
Speaking of Towers, look above at the Gigantic Tower of Bangles cleverly made from an  Old Leg of a Chair that Ex-SN has assembled.

This display adorns the Long Hallway of her home. And most of the adornments are by Dinosaur Designs,  my Almost Favourite Jewellry Brand even though it doesn't quite go with the Toy Chanel Flight Attendant Look I've been sporting lately that I'm slightly frightened  makes me look too much like Someone's Mother even though I am Someone's Mother. And proud of it. But I still think of myself an an Ingenue.
 I digress. It's that Damn Blog Della. I tell you, it's always had a  mind of it's own. Clearly, it wants to talk about My Adventures With Aging when I want to conduct a tour of Ex-SN's home.
But I win. Because I'm Real & Della isn't. Perhaps.
Back to Decorating. I just love that little coloured 30's dish on the side. It's those little touches that count.

A close up of all the Jewels. When I saw them  silently glistening in all their Organic Flintstones Splendour, I wanted to quietly load them into my Toy Jimmy Choo Knapsack & take them home. But I resisted the urge knowing that if I did, our friendship would be over. And I need all the friends I can get.

I just loved the pair of vibrant Still Lives, above, painted by a young artist friend. Has it ever occurred to you what a strange coupling 'Still Lives' is? OMG, my head is suddenly swimming with Layers of Meaning! It's probably due to the fact that it's friday evening & I've been hard at it all day with 'Educating Rita' & Oxymorons & Hyperbole & Split Infinitives & I'm busting to get back to yet another rerun of a Poirot Mystery which I've got on 'Live Pause.'

I do love the little drinks tray with the blend of decanters, silver cocktail shaker & the 'Bombay Sapphire' gin right smack in the middle where it belongs. OMG, I totally long for a Gin & Tonic with ice & a slice of lime in it right now. But I'll resist the urge because: 1. It's dangerously close to my Official Bedtime.
                                                                 2. I've just rifled through my Drinks Trolley & I appear to be out
                                                                     of Gin & I'm certainly not going out in the street to buy a bottle
                                                                     at this hour particularly as I'm wearing my Toy Uggs.
                                                                3.  I am a bit of a Wowser. I'll swill San Pellegrino instead.

I was thrilled to find this wonderful Chanel box, below, artfully placed next to a mirror in the bedroom.
You know, if I was ever to get a tattoo which I wouldn't even though a Tattoo Parlour is conveniently located four doors down from my apartment building, I'd get a  'Double C' Chanel logo the size of a twenty cent coin just above the inside of my wrist.
Today while I was trawling through Google Images looking for an authentic Gucci heart shaped crest to compare it to the one on the Toy Gucci Bag I picked up from 'BednobsEtc' on my way home from school, I saw a photo of a young man who had a Gucci pattern lightly tattooed across his entire face which made him look a little like a Human Chess Board. That's taking Luxury Branding to a whole new level.

I've saved the best picture till last, below. It's again another gaggle of 'Still Lives' that work beautifully together. Note the bottom left hand painting which also has some collage elements, is my favourite.
Talking of Favourites, I must leave you with a v. short list of my Favourite Things this week:
- Isaac Mizrahi, the fashion designer said that no one looks any good after Cosmetic Surgery. I'm not sure if he's right. After all, think of Joan Rivers. But it was reassuring to hear it anyway;
- My New Fascinating Woman of Style is Jenna Lyons, the head of J.Crew who is all over the style news this week because she left her husband for a woman. Big whoop. But at least all the coverage of it allowed me to peek at her style which I adore. I now want to wear many more sequins just like Jenna so I can effortlessly combine Nite & Day.
- today was International Teacher's Day. They put on a Big Fat Lunch for us in the Boarder's Dining Room. I ate five different types of dessert & almost an entire vat of cream. And then the President of the P&F got up & thanked us all for caring So Selflessly for their daughters.
- Saw The Devil Wears Prada again. I so loved Meryl Street as Miranda Priestly. Today, over The World Teacher's Day luncheon, I announced to my colleagues that Meryl is the actor most suited to playing Me in The Movie of My Life. Everyone rolled their eyes but didn't bother batting an eyelid when The Duchess suddenly announced that Susan Sarandon should play her in her movie.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Unknowingly Imbibing a Truth Serum

 Beyond the Self
OMG where to start? I've left it that little bit too long & am all Sixes & Sevens about what to say & how to say it.
I know, I'll start at Beyond the Self because that's what written on that Big Building behind Maeflower which happens to be the National Portrait Gallery in Canberra. Of course it doesn't look anything like a place where all the pictures of the Most Important People in Australia's History are housed. No, it looks like a Storage Facility. You know, one of those places with long corridors with little locked up windowless chambers on either side where people dump & then occasionally visit all their Obsolete Possessions like Clothes Dryers until they summon up the nerve to actually throw them out.
I know all about Storage Facilities. Mr. Ex-Middleaged (remember him?) loved them. It was a way for him to unconsciously  dump all his Unwanted Emotions. 
At one stage, we rented three large rooms in a Storage Facility which cost a staggering $500 a month.Think of all the botox I could have had for that amount.
But I digress. What on earth got into me, I wonder?
M.Flower & me didn't bother venturing into 'Beyond the Self' at the National Portrait Gallery for reasons that I'm sure are obvious. But, at the risk of asking yet another Rhetorical Question, what on earth could it mean? Is there anything beyond the self? Perhaps I should ask a Buddhist.

Here's Maeflower again Cooking in Canberra with Flour. There are many wonderful things you can make with Flour. The Humble Eggplant, for example can be magically transformed  into The Exotic Eggplant Parmigiana  simply by a liberal dousing of flour. And, of course other ingredients which I won't go into now.

 I've just discovered that 'Woman of the Year' with Katherine Hepburn & Spencer Tracy is on. In fact I'm watching it at the moment on mute. But I'm being terribly distracted by Kate's outfits which are totally chic & tailored & kind of paired down which is a welcome relief from looking at recent concert photos of a rather beefy Christina Aguilera wearing No Neck & all Goldilocks on Fashion Police. But that's a whole other story.
  That's the trouble. Lately I've been far too busy watching Million Dollar Decorators & Fashion Police & The Rachel Zoe Project, & Oh, & the wonderful new series of Doc Martin where he has an adorable little newborn baby, to be blogging. And then  of course, there's SuperControlFreakintheKitchen, Donna Hay's, 'Fast Fresh & Simple' show which I totally recommend even if you're Not Australian.
What a  a Deplorable Admission.   I'm too busy watching TV to blog. And I seem to have no problem about Shamelessly Admitting it. Perhaps I need to not only consult a Buddhist but increase my visits to The Therapist from two to three times a week.
OH, but before I drown in a Steaming Pool of Self-Loathing, look at the photo of M.Flower walking along a concrete catwalk with blue water on either side.
She's walking inside a truly wonderful exhibit by American James Turrell. Oh, do click on the link that I soo laboriously organised for you to click on to. It will be totally worth it. I promise.  This was the best sculpture I've ever seen in my Whole Life. It's at the National Gallery in Canberra & is one of his 'Skyscapes'. If you are American, I'm sure there's a Turrell Somewhere Near You. Perhaps in an old disused crater, or in the desert or in Seattle or in San Francisco. I'm sure Darla, you've seen that one.

 Here's Mae gazing up at Something. The other people are more interested in what's in their camera which no doubt is what Mae is gazing at.

No visit to the Gallery is complete without Lunch at the cafe & then a visit to The Gift Shop. We both feel that it's a reward for doing The Hard Yards trawling through all the exhibits.
Note that I'm holding up an Unnaturally Large piece of beetroot which was far too large to fit into my mouth at once & since they didn't provide a knife, I had to nibble at it on the fork like I was a Hungry Mouse attacking a piece of cheese.

 Back in Sydney, I visited The Old Haunts, namely BednobsEtc, my favourite op shop in the whole world. I have a favourite sculpture & a favourite Op shop. Oh, & a favourite food. Corn Chips.
In the photo, I'm trying on a pair of Totally Real Prada Strappy Shoes with Towering Inferno Heels that I later bought for twelve bucks. I'll alert you when I eventually summon up the courage to venture out of the house in them.

 While we are gazing at my feet, I must show you a Fab Gift that my friend, The Ex-School Nurse gave me. Yes, Chanel  Cammelia Flip Flops. Oooo, I'm in Heaven. Sadly, it's not really hot enough to wear them yet. In fact, as I type, I'm still wearing my Toy Ugg Boots even though they are starting to feel a Little Sticky.
Not sure about the Blue Toe Polish, though. Someone whose taste I almost trust saw them & muttered something about Pole Dancers, but perhaps I misheard them.

 As well as receiving the Chanel Flipity Flops, Ex-SN also gave me a magificent Toy Chanel Bag in Real Leather which I haven't had off my arm since I got it. Early last week I took it to Lulu's for dinner where we lined it up next to her Real One. I wonder if you can pick the Real One?
 I also received another gift this week from my friend, Maud Darkstar. I will show it next time. It combines my Favourite  Le Tour Eiffel with My Favourite Obsession, cutting out. I wonder if you can guess what it is?

Lastly, here's me back at school posing like I've just won a Gold Medal at the Middleaged Olympics. I'm clutching my Real Hermes Scarf that I've oft mentioned  I bought for 17 pounds in 1974 when I worked at 'Harrods' in London. It's never been Dry Cleaned. Why  did I mention that? It's a bit like the watching TV admission. Perhaps I've unknowingly taken a truth serum.

Monday, October 3, 2011

The Euphoria You Can Only Get From The Promise of a New You

 Yes, that's right, I went to see Crazy Stupid Love with my great friend Trixie. Look above at the Commemorative Photo Tableau I especially made to celebrate my viewing using Copyright Protected Toy Story 3 Action Figures. Oh, Dear Reader, if only you knew how Copyright has Ruled My World in O so many ways over the past twenty years!
But I digress......
I would love  to launch into a full scale review of the film but I'm not sure if you would like it. Besides, I'm in Canberra sitting in my daughter's apartment waiting for her to finish making me Eggplant Parmagiana. I'm starving & I wish she would hurry up.   Plus she's got Music on which is kind of distracting me. So, I'll just make a couple of points about the film in a Stream of Consciousness style, using one Giant sentence. Here goes:
I loved the film because it used my Favourite Subject, love, to tell a  story that was both simple & complex at the same time with a genuine plot twist towards the end that I didn't see coming & featuring a wonderful ensemble cast  except for Julianne Moore who I have never forgiven since she made The Hours( & then of course there was the Inexplicably Unforgivable The Kids Are All Right which I'm sure was once a song by The Who).
Sadly, I am defeated. I could see no alternative but to insert that Full Stop after the brackets. I simply couldn't find a way to put the bit in about how I loved Steve Carell & think he's an inspired Romantic Lead for a Middleageteacher in spite of the fact that there appears to be a little too much space between his rather prominent nose & where his mouth starts in the sentence.
Oh, & Ryan Gosling, who has a Photoshopped-in-Real-Life body as well as a wonderful head. His character surely was partly based on Jerry Lewis's Mr Hydesque Buddy Love in the original version of The Nutty Professor. If you don't know what I'm talking about, click the link & see it for yourself. You won't be disappointed.
Sadly again, I  first saw The Nutty Professor just at the time when I was mentally forming my idea of  The Perfect Man. I can't tell you what horrors that led to.

Let's change the subject. Like many women, every time I want to Drastically Change My Mood, I go shopping. It works every time, but I can't exactly tell you What it changes my mood into. Perhaps  the kind of Euphoria that you can only get from the promise of A New You. Or me. Or us.
Anyway, on the first Official Day of the School Holidays, Trixie & me went to the aptly named Supacenta. Why bother using all those silly unnecessary e's & r's when there's the promise of a New Supa You as soon as you get off the escalator?
We ostensibly went to look at Beds. But that didn't last long. NO, we were far too distracted by the Window Displays. Look, above. I couldn't help but quietly take this photo of the window of a large shop I swear was called 'Dare'. I'm not sure how many Shades of Wrong this tableau is - is it the colours, or the fact that the chair looks like it's been spray painted & spray painted chairs are never inviting because they look like you'd slide off them, or is it the juxtaposition of Two Jarring Icons - the Chrysler Building & Marilyn? Why not a banana & The Chrysler Building? Or is it simply because it looks like the interior of a Brothel in Disneyland?   And let's face it, Brothel Chic is never going to take the place of Tuscan Farmhouse or Escape to Provence as a preferred decorating style.

But there was another shop that we liked. I can't tell you what it's called but it was a kind of Poor Man's Country Trader. Country Trader is a large Polished Concrete Emporium located in a previously Industrial suburb of Sydney that looks like the entire contents of a huge French Chateau have been unloaded into it. Prices start at $995.00 for a cement door stop in the shape of a frog.
Anyway, this shop in the Supacenta is a kind of Cheap Copy. Which is totally up my alley. Probably the most expensive thing in  it cost the price of the frog door stop at Country Trader.
I took this covert photo on my iPhone of one of the pictures on the wall of a wonderful bedroom display featuring Marie-Antoinette. In fact, Poor Old M-A was all over the shop - on tapestry cushions, on large Toy Alabaster Busts, on bed linen & of course Toy Paintings & Engravings. I was entranced & immediately wanted to race home & throw out everything in my bedroom including all my old rotting dolls & fill it with her.
Of course you know that she didn't make that crack about the cakes after all. And she was a Real Trouper about being carted off to the Guillotine.So, perhaps not a bad person to have on your wall. Or pillow.

This blog post seems to be about Decorating. I certainly didn't plan it that way.
Look above at a Real Million Dollar Decorator. Her name is Mary McDonald & she features on my new favourite show, Million Dollar Decorators which follows the new season of The Rachel Zoe Project on the Lifestyle Channel. It's one of those Reality TV formulas that successfully combines Disgusting Over-Consumption with Toy Tantrums & Faux Drama. I love it.
Each week when I watch it (actually I've only seen it twice) I wonder what the decorators would do with my apartment. Probably throw out the rotting dolls. But then they'd do something unexpected like suspend a Vintage Rowing Boat from the ceiling of my bedroom, just above the bed so I could spend the nite imagining it crashing on me. And throw down a huge Real Zebra skin rug featuring the skin & the tufts of ten zebras so I could feel like I'm On Safari in Beverly Hills.
Can't wait for the next episode.

It seems that I'm done with decorating. Thank God.
Here's something much much closer to my Heart. Here I am with Maeflower this past Long Weekend just after we, along with Russell, her partner had shovelled in Enormous Quantities of Authentic Chinese Dumplings. No wonder we look a little flushed.
And the weather in Canberra seems to be blowing straight in from Antarctica even though it's supposed to be Spring.
Of course I'm dressed in my favourite Middleagedteacher Snow Matron outfit featuring many uncomfortable layers of synthetic fabric that did nothing to dispel the chill.