Monday, May 23, 2011

The Best Little Market Stall Not in Texas.

 Hello & Welcome to Me.
I'm slightly disappointed with this greeting because I've used it before & I like to think that I can come up with a Different Greeting every time. Sadly, it appears that I can't, so I'll just have to press on regardless.

Today's topic is: The Best Little Market Stall Not in Texas. For some reason I again feel Slightly Disappointed that I didn't give you any advance notice that it was on. It would have been such fun to have slowly built up the excitement over a period of weeks, or perhaps even months so that you'd be Quivering with Anticipation (to quote 'Rocky Horror Picture Show')  to hear a Blow-by-Blow Description of The Stall & be walked through the Inevitable Cavalcade of Photos.
So, let's cut to the chase & get down to business & any other Cliche that I can think of while we're at it.
Look above. You can see that I shared the stall (actually it was 3 stalls) with The Ex-School Nurse & her daughter Guinevere. Here is Mother & Daughter below wearing french stripes. I feel that they were both channelling Emanuelle Alt or whatever her name is from 'French Vogue'. I, on the other hand was channelling Sharon Stone in the movie Casino.

ATTENTION:  I just unwittingly deleted the photo of Guinevere & The Ex-School Nurse  that was meant to go HERE. I'm now more than Mildly Irritated but far too tired to put it back in. Anyway, I wouldn't know how to position it back in its rightful place.  So, just imagine a stylish mother & daughter happily smiling at the camera both wearing French style striped tops.

 We always choose to go the same market. Rozelle Market. I think it's the best market in Sydney. Of course I've formed this opinion without bothering to attend any other market, so I guess you can say that this is an Uniformed Decision. But then, so many of my decisions (& perhaps yours too) are Uniformed.
One of my Lesser Life Rules is to Never Bother Researching Anything.  It saves loads of time & you have the thrill & excitement of never knowing how anything is going to turn out until it's over.
Market Gripes
But maybe, just this once,  we should have investigated some other markets perhaps in more Upmarket Areas because one thing that really got up my goat was The Haggling. And the pointing out of a nasty stain on a skirt, or that the inside of a handbag smelt of mould. Or the fact that a pair of leather boots with a $5 price tag would need at least fifteen  bucks worth of re-heeling. Quelle Horreur!
And why don't people buy Brown Clothes? I had one Perfectly Wonderful brown 'Kate Sylvester' dress & one Perfectly Reasonable 'Zara Basic' brown dress that perhaps two hundred women picked up during the course of the day. Some of them inquired the price. And all of them put the dresses down after a closer inspection. If you are one of those people who Eschew Brown, you honestly don't know what you're missing.

In spite of the above, we had a great day. And lots of colourful customers. Like the lady above who wore a large Kimono with a Wild Goose or a Turkey in full flight on the back. Maybe it was a Swan. She had on these amazing shoes that were full of Deliberate Holes & seemed to be made from a fibre that Astronauts might wear on an important Space Mission. The Ex-School Nurse  recognised the shoes as soon as she clapped eyes on them & became excited. And I think she declared that she wanted some.
Of course, I was in Two Minds as I'm now a Total Convert to High Heels. But I'd be interested if  they make a Stiletto Version.

 I was thrilled that the same lady whose name I now can't remember generously submitted her hands for a photo. I just loved her collection of Blue Rings, particularly the luminous Blue Watch Ring.

 This young lady caught my eye. I loved everything about her look including a little gold stud  (or was it a diamond?) that was positioned in the middle of one of her front teeth.

 Christina, is an artist & a filmaker, who literally glowed. Guinevere caught a glimpse of her elaborate Headpiece & pointed her out to me as a possible subject. I chased after her & breathlessly asked to take her photo & she graciously accepted. In fact, everyone I asked this time accepted. Thank you.
I would like to wear Elaborate Headpieces myself, but I fear that they might interfere with The Slightly Slutty look I'm currently going for.  Besides, I feel that Headwear accentuates my nose & makes me look a little Canary-like, but  Not Toucan-like.

 I've always admired The Alice Band. Years ago, I made a number of fruitless attempts at wearing them. But they always slid down my skull. But this lady, who owns 'Recycled Rags' in Neutral Bay, wears it perfectly. The wonderful blue necklace that looks like Prehistoric Rocks from perhaps The Neon Age create a dramatic effect with the Red lipstick. That's another thing that I can't wear. Red Lipstick. But I intensely admire it on others.
In fact, you know how I'd ideally like to look?
Like Dusty Springfield  in the Sixties. Acres of  Aeronautically Designed Bleached Blonde Ringlets, false eyelashes, black eyeliner & pale lipstick. What a knockout.

 I'm getting near the end & of course I'm getting a Bit Tired. I'm desperate to get into bed & listen to Olivia Newton John singing 'Phenomenal Woman' on my iPod. It's my new favourite song. The lyrics are from the poem, 'Phenomenal Woman' by Maya Angelou.
So, I'll now write in Point Form:
* Loved the Slightly 'Flintstones' Look of the beautiful girl above.
* Had a great time.
* Sold lots, although not everything.
* Bought dress, below from Ex-School Nurse.
* Desperate to wear it.
* Didn't wear heels to market. Had to Be Sensible.
*Still had sore feet at the end of the day.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I Didn't Mean To Hurt You, I'm Just a Left Handed Woman

 Hello O Reader.
I feel somewhat tentative because I offended Someone & had to delete the post that featured them.
They said that what I said about them was Defamatory & that I must come home at nite & down a few glasses of wine & then start writing the blog.
I was shocked & mortified. I quaked in my boots. I protested loudly that I Don't Drink & Blog. And, I felt stupid that I didn't really fully understand the Defamation Laws.
One good thing, though. I now understand how a Celebrity feels when they say or do Something Inappropriate & people get mad at them & then accuse them of  Substance Abuse. I could just see myself being photographed entering the courthouse for the Great Defamation Trial wearing a Slightly Slutty Dress not unlike the one that Lindsay Lohan wore for her  recent trial.
But you'll be pleased to know that this Whole Awful Experience has not deterred me from putting  people on the blog. See how I've put my friend The Ex-School Nurse on it?  Here she is outside a v. interesting shop in Waterloo that we visited on Saturday as part of a Massive Shopping Odyssey.
Have you noticed how popular The Union Jack is as a Design Statement? It's almost as ubiquitous as 'Keep Calm & Carry On'. And Burberry Patterns.  I'm sure it's a Worldwide phenomenon. Next time you venture outdoors, look around you. I'm sure wherever you are, even if you are in Alice Springs, there's bound to be  someone who has a  little Bit of Burberry peaking out from somewhere on their person. Or they're carrying a Burberry umbrella. Or a handbag.
I could go on & on listing all the products that feature a Burberry pattern & I could even make a guestimate as to the total number of Real & Counterfeit Burberry Patterned Items that are currently in World Usage. But I won't. OK... I'll guess the number: One & a quarter billion.  I just know that I'm right.

 Oddly enough, I was wearing  Toy Burberry on saturday, along with a 'Jaegar' pure wool cardigan with Patrician gold buttons that belongs to the 'Aileen' part of my wardrobe, named after recently deceased 97 year old Aileen, whose clothes & 'Ferragamo' bag I currently have on High Rotation.
You may notice that my Top & Bottom are Incongruous: The Top part of me looks like Polo (the game, not the brand) Matron, 1985 & the Bottom Half looks Punk Rocker Wannabe 1985. Note the curious zipper at the bottom of my footless tights. BTW, I'm now wearing high heels as often as I can. So far, I can still Walk. Or more accurately, Totter. Or Teeter.

 On Saturday, we also visited 'Extinct', the perhaps Seconds Shop of  'Dinosaur Designs'. I am in love with the colours & made a mental note to stop wearing so much black.After all, my current Fashion Crush is Anna Della Russo who looks like a Male Peacock at all times, even straight after breakfast.
As I look down at what I'm currently wearing, most of it is black, although I've got a silver & black thrifted 'Bluemarine' skirt  on which sounds a bit Nightclubby for a Day at School.

Below is Guinevere, who is photographed behind the counter at 'Extinct'. I was totally fascinated by her Japanese Kimono Style which she effortlessly blended with select 'Dinosaur' pieces.

Lastly, we visited 'Tea Parlour', an old fashioned Tea Room in Elizabeth Street Surry Hills.
I thoroughly enjoyed it & feel sad that Rebecca & Darla & Zizzi & Janavi  etc  can't visit it because I'm sure they'd appreciate the ambience as well as the Magnificent Quince tea that was served to us in a v. grand silver teapot.
I am constantly amazed at how smells & tastes can be transported to candles & tea & soap & bubble gum & lip gloss.  I'm still wondering how the hell can you stuff the smell of the Hall of Mirrors at the Palais de Versailles into a little scented candle?

 But I digress. Back to the script.
'Tea Parlour' was full of little still lifes. Or is it 'Still Lives'?
Presiding over the Tea Pouring was a gigantic stuffed Male Peacock whose gargantuan plumes enveloped the whole place. Now, that's the second time I've mentioned Male Peacocks in the one post. Clearly, just like Aileen's clothes,  they're on High Rotation right now.
But the stand out for me were the little clusters of Faux Fleurs that filled every orifice - from empty bottles of 'Veuve Cliquot' to beer bottles to Retro Enamel kettles to grand silver chalices.  Seriously, they totally looked like Real Fleurs. But Amelia, the gracious proprietor, assured me that they came from Go-Lo, which is incidentally one of my favourite shops. Of course, I went there yesterday & bought a whole mess of them for my own 'Still Lives'.

Time to go, but before I do, please read 'Reader Rita's comment in the previous post about Steamers. It's worth it. Also got to post a pic of me in my DVF Wrap Dress. more thing. I desperately hope I haven't Offended Anyone. If I have, I Sincerely Apologise. And I apologise for all those Careless Throwaway Comments that I've made over the years.  I didn't mean it. I'm just a Left Handed Woman.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Meanwhile, In the Hall of Mirrors..

Watch While I Wrestle a Nasty Boa Constrictor.
It's Saturday Nite & for what seems like hours, I've been Unsatisfactorily Channel Surfing. I'm worn ragged from being tossed from One Lousy Show to the Next.
What, O What, am I doing watching 'I Own Britain's Best Home'?
FYI,  each week three Smugly Perky presenters walk us through three British Houses. Like a 300 year old Thatched Cottage with a massive Spa & Home Theatre in the middle of it or a Stately Ancestral home that's drowning in flock wallpaper & pelmets.    At the end of the show, viewers get to vote for their favourite house of the week which will compete in the final show of the season with all the other houses that have been voted for.
I sincerely hope I've explained all that to you clearly enough.
At least I'm not like my parents. When they were my age, they were sitting around in their lounge room sipping scotch & sodas, watching 'Wild Kingdom' & listening to Al Martino records.
I wonder if anyone remembers that show & that singer?
I hardly do. But  I remember that 'Wild Kingdom' was a sunday nite staple that seemed to go on & on for years & years. Like my Entire Childhood & Adolescence & Early Adulthood. As soon as I'd hear the presenter, Marlin Perkins say off camera, 'Watch while Jim (the other presenter) wrestles with this nasty boa constrictor,' I'd leave the room. 
From Beyond the Grave.
I'd do the same when they dragged out the Al Martino records. The only song of his I can remember was Mum's favourite - 'I Love You & Don't You Forget It'. She'd get Dad to play that song over & over. I had completely forgotten it  until the other day. I was trying on a fab Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress in the change room at 'Bednobs' & right at the moment when I looked at myself in the mirror, it came on the radio.
It was just like Mum was there only she wasn't.
I'm not sure if I believe in that sort of thing, although I do know that she would have loved the DVF Wrap Dress. So did I. So I bought it. You'll see it eventually if you bother hanging around long enough. But not until the next post at the v. earliest.
Not a Crime Against Noses.
Anyway, talking of Totally Fab & Wonderful Things, look look look at me above & below, fondling two beautiful gifts that I received from my great friend & colleague, Trixie Drew.
In case you were wondering, they are Both Candles, made by Cire Trudon, a 268 year old Candle Manufacturer who made candles for Marie-Antoinette who, incidentally is not one of my Role Models . Below, I'm holding a plain wax candle made in the shape of M-A. Of course I will never light it. I will just admire it.
But I've certainly lit the other candle. In fact, as I type, my olfactory glands are greedily soaking up  the gentle aroma of the wooden floors of the Hall of Mirrors at the Palais de Versailles
I kid you not. Who would have thought you could turn the smell of a room into a scented candle?
And the wonderful thing is, there isn't a hint of vanilla or cinnamon or perhaps pine or even the ocean in it, which I think are the most repellent smells that a scented candle can produce
. In fact, they are all Crimes Against Noses.

BTW, I'm wearing a recently thrifted 'Jaegar' Jacket that sadly is a bit big on the shoulders. Perhaps it is a relic from the eighties. I'm not sure, but I'm determined to wear it. I was sooo thrilled when I noted a new double page ad for 'Jaegar' in a recent UK 'Vogue'. I felt Quietly Reassured that I am part of the Zeitgeist after all.

Crumpled But Never Ruffled.
I've never been An Ironer. My mother simply wouldn't let me. I was left-handed & everything I did looked kind of wrong or Dangerous to her. So I don't iron. This much is obvious in the photo below. I'm synchronistically standing in front of a little drawing I did for my Year 10 class when one student  pronounced 'Irony' like Iron with a double 'e' at the end. You may notice that my fab little thrifted 'Scanlan & Theodore' jacket is Badly in Need of an Iron.
Apparently, the new thing is to own a Steamer which has got nothing to do with Vegetables. I was told this morning by the volunteer sales assistant at 'Bednobs' that you can buy them for as little as forty dollars on eBay, but if you buy them anywhere else, they can be over a hundred.
I May, repeat, May consider investing in one.
BTW, no one bothered to mention to me that my jacket was crumpled. I guess everyone I work with or teach is too polite or too bored to tell me.

 Maeflower, my beautiful daughter paid me a surprise visit over Easter. She bought me oodles of Easter Eggs & Bunnies, so I didn't have an Eggless Easter after all. As usual, we had a fab time & lots of laughs which is the only way I think that I can respond to my Life right now, or perhaps ever.
She brought her wonderful new camera with her which made my camera look like a toy. We spent an entire day photographing everything in sight, including the view on my rooftop. On the one side is the city, with the Centrepoint Tower in the middle & then there's the Harbour Bridge.
BTW, Maeflower is wearing a splendid dress from 'Tree O' Life'. Her necklace is Nepalese from her recent trip there. Oh, & she's wearing wonderful Italian leather gladiators that I generously donated to her.

 Below are three A4-size collages I've just made.

I used to suffer badly from Insomnia. It was a Nightmare.
And now I don't hardly at all.
I was totally gripped with fear when I heard on the news about this man in Italy  whose body suddenly decided that it was Done Sleeping. Sadly, he died after about a month. That story motivated me to Get Serious About Sleeping.
And it's kind of Paid off.

Above, a Homage to Michael Jackson.

Above, my contribution to the Latest Scientific Theory.

Lastly, here's a couple of Weekend Outfits. Above is my 'Inspector Gadget' look. I'm wearing it with thermal footless tights in my favourite animal print bought last year at 'Target'. Thrifted 'Bruno Maglis' & some cheap No Name Scarf.
Below is a 'Corporate Lumberjack' look. I've always been a sucker for cozy plaid flannelette, even though it has Bogan Overtones. The Business Jacket is by 'H&M'. We don't have 'H&M' in Australia & we've only just got our first 'Zara'. Big Whoop. But of course it's all thrifted anyway. Oh, & I've got a rather strange brooch on featuring a bejewelled plastic peacock which rather looks like a dinosaur.
Totally past My Official Weekend Bedtime.