Friday, December 30, 2011

Xmas Cards I May or May Not Have Sent

As Far as Possible, Dear Reader, Holiday Greetings. 
I hope you didn't feel too guilty about stuffing yourself with Seasonal Treats or too resentful if you didn't. I don't think I'm painting an overly rosy picture of my Internal World if I tell you that I seemed to avoid both of those feelings over the Holiday Season. It's just the rest of the year that I've got to work on.
Today's blog entry is aiming to be about Xmas/Holiday Cards that I May or May Not have sent. Of course I use the word 'aiming' because I'm always fighting a constant battle with The Blog Itself who, as regular readers know, has a Mind of It's Own.
Anyway, let's push on.
Look above at Card #1. I made this card for my Boss, The Head of English & I did actually give it to her. She totally loved it in a way that I've never seen her love anything else that I've done before (like mark 68 Year 12 Essays on King Lear over a weekend) You see, Head of E has been planning to own a cat for some time, so I thought I would find an appropriate picture of one & include some of my all time favourite Cat Names.
I thoughtshe'd love Kafka. Or perhaps Shazbot. But no, she liked Jack the Cat who didn't even feature on the card.
 Xmas Card #2: I made this card for the  the Deputy Headmistress who dresses v. stylishly from a wardrobe largely purchased from Netaporter. I do hope that she didn't think I was being Too Forward or perhaps Over-Familiar because I did actually give it to her.
I totally agree with with Uber Style Elf, Simon Doonan (Barney's Creative Director & author. Do look him up) who says that we should all wear our best outfits everyday & not leave them in the wardrobe to rot. That's what I try to do although sometimes it doesn't look like it.
I seem to remember that Iris Apfel that V. Elderly Style Guru who always looks to me like a Fabulously Dressed Preying Mantis but in a good way said something similar recently. I think it caused an outcry because she said that most people looked really dreadful & needed to make an effort. In fact, here's what she said on Huffpost, "Now when I walk down Fifth Avenue in the summertime I just want to throw up. It seems that the fatter and uglier people are, the fewer clothes they wear. " 
I personally would not say such a thing but you can see that I'm not above quoting it.

Xmas Card #3: Here's a card that I was busting to send to that Special Someone but sadly  didn't.

Drat. Sometimes I dislike Blogger Intensely. Try as I might, It won't let me type between the Chanel Card & the Le Tour Card. So I'm just going to have to press on regardless. I hope you'll stay with me & not give up.....
Not a Xmas Card #4: This is a cover of a book I discovered in the bookshop about Chanel. So it's not Officially a Xmas Card, although I could definitely turn it into one but it's a bit late now. Perhaps next year.
Anyway, I loved the cover because it uncannily looked like a Quilted Chanel Bag. And I just had to covertly photograph it using my favourite iPhone app, Hipstermatic. Luckily, the shop assistant didn't catch me & dress me down in front of everybody in the shop which would have  included Paul Keating, our ex-Prime Minister who had just dropped in to check on the sales of his latest book.
Xmas Card #5: Reclaim La Tour. I gave this card to my daughter, Maeflower. Regular readers will know that I have a Special Affinity with the Eiffel Tower even though I haven't been to Paris since 1974. But I guess that half the world may feel a special affinity with it right now because its everywhere.
Haven't you noticed?
I don't honestly think that it is possible to go into a Gift Shop anywhere in the World & not find  dainty little Eiffel Tower Earrings or Eiffel Toaster Racks or  Decorative Eiffel Clothes Pegs.
Anyway, my special connection with Eiffel is that Maeflower bought a giant one for me from the top of the tower when she visited Paris on a School Excursion when she was in Year 10. She lugged it all over Europe & proudly presented it to me when she arrived home. Sadly, I no longer have it for reasons that are too painful to tell.
(I wonder if it is really La Tour & not Le Tour? I do hope its feminine & not masculine, but I guess a tower looks more like a Man than a Woman, doesn't it?)

Xmas Card #6: There's a Hundred Thousand Angels By Your Side. I made this card using an old German Xmas Card I had lying around. And I gave it to a v. religious person. And I got the title from a song they play during my Body Balance Class at the gym.
I do hope that there's loads of Angels at Your Side this Holiday Season & Always.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

As Much as Possible, Happy Holidays

 Hello & Welcome to a V. Quick Holiday Show & Tell. 
Here above is my Holiday Card to you. I hope you like it. I have unwittingly used Advent Colours as I must be unconsciously plugged into the Catholic Liturgical Calendar. All these years working at a Catholic School is finally paying off in Undreamed of Ways!
I'd totally love it if you found a way of passing this card on to your friends & loved ones. I'm sure you have many of those. At this time of the year people love to talk about how they hate Xmas & how everyone behaves weirdly & fights with everyone & then they moan about how commercial it is or how meaningless it is because they're not religious & it's too hot to eat turkey or they're allergic to shellfish  & they've always hated plum pudding & anyway they're on a diet.
I personally Adore Plum Pudding. In fact, as I type, I have a homemade one stylishly wrapped in a smart designer tea towel sitting in the fridge made for me by my friend, The Ex-School Nurse. I will not be serving it at any of my Xmas Celebrations because I plan to eat the whole thing myself over a number of weeks.

 Of course the School is now shut for the Holidays. And not a moment too soon. All year, I have valiantly attempted to behave like the Now Deceased Queen Mother (my Behavioural Role Model)  at school which means  sucking it up & waving & smiling at everyone when I really wanted to smack many many people across the face with a Wet Flounder. Sadly, the pressure of doing this day after day starts to build up.
Luckily, I had an Escape Valve, or whatever it is that allows you to let off steam & show your true emotions in a Safe Way. It was a simple Twelve Days of Xmas Staff Decorating Contest which I embraced with gusto. Because I rarely, if ever win anything (although I did win a $25 David Jones gift voucher at the Staff Xmas Luncheon) I didn't win the contest. I am not blaming this on the fact that a v. Elderly Nun judged it.
Nay..... who could ever compete with the Perpetually High-Fiving & Whooping Sporting Department who turned their staff room into Santa's Workshop complete with a log fire projected onto the wall from someone's computer?
I, of course, sensibly used my absolute Favourite Action Figure Dolls - Action Men who always look Festive whatever the occasion.

 One thing I've never told you is that since childhood, I've always wanted to be able to do the splits. Sadly, even as an eight year old I couldn't. That was one of many disappointments that were to follow.
Like not being able to water ski the first & only time that I tried.
Or hula hoop.
Or sing like Dusty Springfield or Barbra Streisand. At least I have a nose a bit like her.

 Here I am celebrating my new Holiday Decorations featuring Poitsettias, chilis, blue sparkly Xmas leaves & some Plastic bananas & grapes. Everything, just like me is, Holding Together by a Mere Thread.
But at least we're still standing.

 And here's some of my Sunday Nite Regular Dinner Guests. Carlotta is taking the photo. We're all pretending to laugh. You'd never know.
AJ is channelling Emanuelle Alt (French Vogue) & I'm trying to brighten up my thrifted Wayne Cooper black lace dress with huge shocking pink earrings. Hunter & Tyler look their usual Uber Wonderful Selves.

 I found an old Xmas Card sent to me by Jackie O lying around at home. I'm going to re-send it to Peter, from my favourite Potts Point cafe, Zinc as he so loves Jackie.

Lastly, I couldn't help but show you one of my Fairly New Pastimes - photographing pages from books in bookshops with my iPhone using  the More Lomo app. I do love the thrill of capturing the picture whilst  the sales assistant is not looking. This page is taken from a fab book which is in every book shop at the moment.  It features Meaningful Quotes from The Wizard of Oz.
You could live your life according to that book & I'm sure many people do. There are probably thousands of Wizard of Oz Self-Help Groups dotted across the Globe in many strange & unlikely places. Like perhaps near Scott's Hut in  Antartica.