Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Flaunting Conventional Wisdom

Fruits de Mer by middleagedteacher
Fruits de Mer, a photo by middleagedteacher on Flickr.

Easter is rapidly approaching, which means one thing - Holidays.
If I don't have a holiday soon:
I might explode.
Or use a Rude Word.
Or rush out of the house in the morning without a stick of Jewelry on.
Or eat a large packet of Corn Chips.

Actually, I've been shovelling in loads of Corn Chips lately which is a telltale sign that I'm nearing the End of My Tether, whatever that is.

But there was Absolutely No Sign of any of this today, as you can see from the photo taken just moments after lessons finished for the day & moments before I had to scamper off to a Tedious Meeting where I just managed to stop myself from hitting the teacher next to me with a Wet Flounder. Not that I had one with me at the time. But I fantasized about it.

Anyway, in the photo I'm wearing Real, Not Toy or Target Missoni!. A student told me that she'd spent the entire lesson trying to work out whether I was wearing a necklace or whether it was just part of the dress.
It's part of the dress.
And I'm wearing Horizontal Stripes without any fear at all that they're making me look any wider.
Personally, I don't care for Conventional Wisdom. What has it ever done for me?
And anyway, if the Missoni People think Horizontal Stripes are OK, who am I to disagree?

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Whirlwind Wardrobe Week

What a Wardrobe Whirlwind of a Week it Was! And it was all Dresses. But let's call them Frocks!

A Fractured Ode to  Frocks.
 Some were Old.
 Some were new. 
Some that seemed a little tighter than the last time I wore them. 
And one was blue.
One that was crushed even before I put it on.
 And, it had just been to the Dry Cleaners. 

A Little Known Fact about Me - I've always longed to be a poet. Not like Sylvia Plath. No horrible ugly old fish rising out of some mirror or lake or whatever it was frightening the living daylights out of everyone.
Absolutely Not.

But none of this has anything to do with the FLy photo, above. In fact, I'm not really sure what Fly London is except that they must be Shoes because I saw this poster in the window of Booty, my local shoe shop that I never buy anything in because I never buy anything new. I didn't realise how wonderfully majestic flies look, although I don't think that they seriously are Midnite Blue, a favourite shade of mine.
A Near-Perfect Segue.
Speaking of Blue, look look, below. I'm wearing a frock in almost the same colour as the Fly. I bought it a week or two ago from my favourite thrift store, 'BednobsEtc'. It has a French Connection label.
Do you remember when they used to call themselves FCUK?  Talk about Charmless. Although I've always thought a really catchy name for a Women's Clothing label is 'Rumpslapper'.
Back to the Outfit. Note I took a Small , or perhaps Large Risk in wearing Lime Marc Jacobs shoes. I'm sure I've told you that after seeing My Style Icon Jenna Lyons from J. Crew with a Lime handbag (do click on the link to actually SEE Jenna & Her Bag) I'm desperate to accessorize with Lime as often as possible which sadly narrows it down to wearing these shoes.
I must, repeat must find more Lime.

And then I wore Another Frock.
What an interesting life.
I never know when I spring out of bed every morning what I'm going to wear.
The Morning Routine 2012.
1. Get Up at 6.30 even though it's still dark because of lousy, stinking Daylight Saving which feels like it's never going to end.
2. Draw  bath.
3. Put kettle on. Make  cup of Twining's 'Afternoon Tea' tea.
4. Put sachet of Uncle Toby's Instant Porridge With Fake Fruit in Microwave. Wait 50 seconds. Take out.
5. Get in bath with Tea & Porridge.
6. Eat/slurp whilst wondering what to wear.
7. Definitely Decide.
8. Get out of bath.
9. Get dressed.
And then I wore a Crushed Frock, below, which I teamed with Jewels from The Fruits de Mer section of my Jewelry Wardrobe.
I must say that I was quite crushed myself when I picked this 'Carla Zampatti dress up from the cleaners. How come I paid ten bucks & it came back crushed? I then tried to iron it myself but gave up when the iron started to steam up & get all angry.

And then, here's me again, below, sitting at my desk in the staffroom having my Eyebrows Shaped by Fragrant Rose, a beautiful young teacher who is also a make up artist.
Every few weeks Rose makes the three metre journey across to my desk in the staffroom & attempts to put some sense back into my eyebrows after they were almost butchered to death by an assistant at Sharon-Lee, Sydney's Number 1 Brow Emporium.

Lastly, I'm wearing a dress that I've had for some years which I now feel is a little Too Snug for me, although I had no problem zipping up the zip which I think is an indicator that it Still Officially Fits.
I can't decide if I've put on a few pounds or not. It's driving me nuts. And I'm absolutely Not getting back on the scales because I've promised myself that Those Days Are Over.
So, I'm taking some Precautionary Measures by only eating protein for dinner. And no corn chips.
Last nite I  ate three boiled eggs & a can of baked beans.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

I'm a Totally Shameless Copier, But Who Isn't?

Hello & Welcome to The World of Shameless Copying.
I'm not sure if I've ever admitted this before, but I'm a Totally Shameless Copier.
Never had an Original Idea in my life.
But then, who has?
Last week when I was watching At the Movies, a weekly round-up of  newly-released movies, One presenter, Margaret reminded Other Presenter, David, after he bitterly complained that the storyline of the latest action thriller had already been made into a film at least a hundred times before, that, after all, there are only Seven Stories in Storyland.( Quest, Romance, Tragedy, Comedy, Overcoming the Monster, Voyage & Return, Rags to Riches & Rebirth. Sounds like the story on my life. Perhaps it's yours too)
So, I don't feel so bad about No Original Thoughts. Neither should you.

 One of the first ports of call that I always go to if I want to Steal an Idea is The Sartorialist. I bet I'm not alone on that one.
I was thrilled last week or so when I came across the photo above of some wonderful young woman who had an enviable job in fashion, although after watching The Devil Wears Prada a number of times, not to mention loads of The Rachel Zoe Project, I'm not sure that any job in fashion would be enviable.
 Imagine the tyranny of having to race around all day like a Mad Overwound Mechanical Mouse in  Towering Inferno Heels  in order to meet Silly Deadlines ? (Actually, that sadly sounds frighteningly familiar)
 Or having to have the latest 'It' bag even if you hated it, although in my case, hating any 'It' bag would be Virtually Impossible?
Or having to hang clothes up on racks all day? I can barely hang my Own Clothes Up.
And having people who hate you call you 'Darling'?
Anyway, scroll back to the photo of the Young Woman With The Not-So-Enviable-Job. When I clapped eyes on her bejewelled collar I was overjoyed. Surely, I have something similar in my Toy Jewel Cupboard?
A hand crotcheted beaded collar made by the young Masai Girl who sold it to me just before I contracted Salmonella Poisoning from a Seafood Buffet at a Johannesburg Hotel in 2003.
Anyway, I promptly wore my Masai Necklace the v. next day mixing it with some Toy Gold & silver chains in a feeble attempt to emulate The Real Thing, shown above which I totally want to buy but is like 800 bucks.

 And I can't even afford to have a tooth filled at the moment, let alone get Badly Needed Root Canal Therapy or even worse still, have Tooth Implants inserted. I know it's such a downer to bring my Ever-Present Dental Nightmares into the blog post especially since we were having such a nice time up until now. But I just couldn't help it.
Now, where were we? Ah yes, we're out of the dentist's chair & into the magnificent virtual showroom of Dannijo Jewelry, who made the collar. 

I just typed in Scrool instead of 'Scroll'. I must say that I prefer it. It sounds cooler.
Anyway, look at me above at The Usual Sunday Nite Dinner last Sunday. I'm wearing a vintage dress which  is Slightly Old School of Me because over the past three years & seven months, I have been Not So Gradually throwing out all the clothes that I wore before August 2008 & many of these clothes could be loosely called, 'Vintage', but not necessarily In a Good Way.
I'm not going to go into Why I've done that, but suffice to say that I needed A Regime Change.
But for some reason this dress survived.
Or perhaps I bought it only a year or two ago.
 Anyway, last sunday nite was the first time I wore it & it may well be The Last Time. But do note that I peared it with two large Dinosaur Designs pendants that are dangling down like Strange Fruit, but not the kind of fruit in the Billie Holliday song.
I'm finishing up with yet another photo of Someone's Else's Jewels. I soo totally want them.   In case you're wondering, they're presumably owned by the person who is wearing them. Anna Della Russo who is another fashion person, perhaps connected to Vogue Nippon.
 Anna's great.
 She always looks like she's dressed for a Cocktail Party in Hell .
But in a good way.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Me Me Me & Moi

Maybe it's just the Company I Keep, but have you noticed that people these days are always going on about Other People being Narcissists or even worse, Psychopaths?
I've just trawled through a list of new books about Psychopaths on The Huffington Post.
My favourite title was 'Snakes in Suits - When Psychopaths Go To Work', although I must admit I was inexplicably drawn to 'I Married a Psychopath But Didn't Notice for Twenty Years: A Users Guide'.
Anyway, why I mention the topic is because this blog entry is choc-a-bloc full of photos of Me Me Me & Moi. I just couldn't help it.
And maybe you think that I'm nothing but a Nasty Narcissist or worse still , a Parading Psychopath.
 But I'm not. 
A Narcissist is not at all like Nilbrain Narcissus in the myth who fell in love with his own reflection that he saw in some rancid pool of water which he probably ended up drowning in but I can't be sure because I didn't  bother finish reading it.
 Nay, a Narcissist is someone who can't see the world from any other perspective than their own. They lack remorse & are low on gratitude. They like to flatter people who admire them & detest people who don't. They are Big Braggers & Huge Experts.
Not Me.
Oh, while we're not on the topic of me, why not scroll back to the first photo while I walk you through it:

1. In case you were wondering, I'm holding up a freshly baked tin of cupcakes baked by one of my students to celebrate a birthday which wasn't mine. Mine is next week. And it's One Off a Landmark Birthday.
2. I'm wearing my favourite trenchcoat which looks v. like a Parachute.
I could never go Parachuting. I would die of fright before I got a chance to pull the Ripcord or whatever it's called.
Now, scroll to the second photo which was taken yesterday in the staffroom by Aunt Nettina. I always get her to take my photo if I forget to have one taken in the classroom. She is most obliging.
 But let's not Talk of Her.
 Instead, look at the Giant Black Flower that I've attached to the dress that I bought a few years back from 'Bednobs Etc', which is where I bought everything I'm wearing in just about all the photos.

 Look above. This is what I wore today:
1. Blouse with Pussy Bow.
2. Skirt with Ruffle. Thankfully, no one mentioned that they were different patterns that didn't quite go together.
3. Lime 'Marc Jacobs' shoes. In spite of the fact that Lime is   difficult to wear,  it's  favoured by many Middleagedwomen who mistakenly think that Lime makes them look Cool.
  I am not one of those women, but I am a succour (that can't possibly be the right spelling?)....oh now I remember - Sucker (what a moment of Revelation. I wish I had more of those) where was I?....oh yes, I'm a sucker for  a Designer Brand, & Marc Jacobs is about as good as it gets.
4. Dinosaur Designs resin bracelets that weigh down my wrists but I don't care.

 To prove that I actually have some kind of Social Life outside of the Classroom, here's me at a birthday celebration last week at "LL Bar & Restaurant, Potts Point. I have a kind of Love Me I'm Helpless look on my face but it was only because it was Raining outside but not in my Heart.
I'm wearing a Wild Animal Print Jacket I bought for ten bucks at Cotton On when I was last shopping there with my daughter, Maeflower.
Oh, & I'm wearing a Number 9 charm that I bought at Anthropologie.

 Talking of Dinosaur Designs, here is the beautiful & stylish, Guinevere, daughter of my friend, The Ex-
School Nurse at the helm of the Dinosaur Seconds or Whatever Shop, Extinct.
I was totally bowled over by her wearing of Royal Blue & Aqua together, which is my Almost Favourite Colour Pearing. (deliberately spelt that way)

 And then I went to an Afternoon Tea on Sunday at the Stylish Tea Parlour in Sydney's Redfern. I was enchanted by Amelie, the vibrant hostess of the establishment, who served up Russian Caravan & French Earl Grey Tea in large silver teapots amid a dizzying array of fascinating objects including a Real Stuffed Peacock.
 I'm sure that a Peacock would make a Marvellous Mascot for a Narcissist.

Anyway, Amelie had a fab vintage red dress on & shoes with a v. interesting heel which sadly I didn't manage to capture in the photograph.

 And then I was trudging down Macleay Street to work & came across this dog who was stuck outside a cafe with a lifeless toy for comfort while his owner sat inside shovelling in a giant bacon & egg roll.
The dog looked like how I happened to be feeling that morning.

When will this ever end? I'm desperate to hop into bed as it's almost Past my Official Bedtime.
I'll just talk in Dot Points from Now on.
 *Sharon Stone in 'Casino'.
 *Slightly Slutty but Acceptable for Work.

* More Cupcakes. Another birthday.
*Diane Von Furstenberg dress. That makes 3.
* Two necklaces.
* Full view Diane V F.
* Another DVF. below. .
* Now have 5 DVFs but not really counting.