Monday, November 28, 2011

The Curse of Man Made Fibres

Memory Lapses or Am I Just Making Up My Life As I Go Along?
I've spent the last week trying to remember if this is the second or third Market Stall that The Ex-School Nurse & me have had this year. It certainly feels like the third.
Anyway, here we are at the beginning of the day. The car is packed full of our clothes & it's v. early in the morning. Note that we are both Unintentionally Thematically Dressed in shades of black & white except I've just realised that I'm also wearing shades of red. Ex-SN is wearing a beautiful silk dress she had made in Vietnam & a Mother of Pearl Dinosaur Designs necklace.
I'm wearing Top-to-Toe Synthetics which is one of the reasons that  My Clothes aren't that attractive to Potential Buyers. But More about that later.
Atlas Ears
.I'm also wearing enormous black Chandelier Earrings  I recently purchased for $5 at 'Lovisa' in Bondi Westfield. Even though it looks like my Lobes are carrying a Large Load, seriously, I didn't even realise I was wearing them except when I moved my head suddenly & they smacked me in the side of the face. Luckily, no bruising occurred.

The Ex-SN is uncannily lucky with parking spots so of course we got an all day parking spot almost directly outside the Rozelle Markets. Every time I am in the car with her, it's like The Parting of  The Red Sea - a car spot always spontaneously opens up, only Moses or Charlton Heston isn't there to oversee the proceedings. Ex-SN does it all herself.
I digress.
Feeding Frenzy
As soon as we schlepped our wares to our designated spot in the Market Grounds, we were invaded by hoards of permanent stall holders, above, desperate to rifle through our bags, pluck out a few choice items, pay a v. modest price for them & them re-sell them at five times the price. You'd think that this would annoy us but it doesn't. We enjoy the attention & don't care a fig who buys our stuff.

This lovely lady is wearing a hand painted dress that a friend made for her. She's holding up one of my Man Made Fibre Tops in the hope that it might fit her as that shade of blue is her favourite colour. Sadly, even though I totally willed it to, it didn't fit her. I was crushed.

I spent large chunks of the day channelling my New Hero, Bill Cunningham & taking photos of people who I thought looked interesting. I just loved the Dusty Pink Sequinned dress worn above by that Beautiful Person.

And I loved the way this young woman (I dare not use the term, 'Lady' because the Advanced Style blogger got heavily chastised by another blog for calling his subjects, Ladies) is wearing her Chanel Bag......

....and and I also loved how this Young Woman, above (is it too limiting or discriminating to call her a Baby or perhaps, dare I say, a 'Toddler'?) is wearing her jewels. BTW, this is the only age group that can get away with wearing Crocs.

But my total favourite look of the whole day was worn by Liv, above who just took my breath away with her unusual combination of flowers & colours & jewels & big smile.

Here she is again, above, with her mother carrying An Important Message over her shoulder.

Another Mother & Daughter combination wearing complementary shades of green. Honestly, Joan & Christina Crawford couldn't have done it better.

I was v. impressed with people's Sun Hygiene. I have a difficulty in wearing hats as I'm convinced they make my Slightly Hooked Nose look more prominent.  Perhaps I should carry a Stylish Parasol like the Fab One, above.

I gushed all over this Person. I loved the Red Camellia sandals & the hat. I wanted to rip the sandals off her feet & put them on my own. But I just took her photo instead.
BTW, have I told you that since I seriously started wearing Other People's Shoes in a range of sizes, that not only have I been bothered by Corns but also it appears that my feet have grown by at least a size? What a phenomenon, although I have been Reliably Informed that as we age our Noses, Ears & Feet grow.

Even though many people were brightly dressed to celebrate an Uncharacteristically Sunny Late Spring Day, I noticed Truckloads of Black, like this Person, above. I  loved her Pared-Down Minimalist Look accessorized only with the Magnificent Plait. And I was tempted to spell 'Pared- down' as 'Peared-Down' but resisted the urge. Such Control in the face of Such Temptation.

I've saved the Best Dressed to last. This wonderfully clad Pomeranian, below who calmly sat on a table while her owner set up her Plant Stall, stole the show. No wonder the word Dog is God Spelled Backwards. 
By about 3pm, the thunderstorm that had been predicted for lunchtime began with a large fanfare of falling leaves. We took this as our cue to pack up. Ex-SN had her usual Bumper Day. I was Less Successful owing to my Man Made Fibre Handicap. But you see, I must wear Synthetics because I lack the Necessary Ironing Skills.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Dyspeptic Comfort Zones

 Good Morning, although it probably isn't morning when you read this. But it is for me.
Writing in the morning is soo Out of My Comfort Zone as I usually write in a frenzy at nite while desperately trying to beat the clock before My Official Bedtime arrives.
And..... I'm not really sure if I do actually have a Comfort Zone at all...... but that's a whole other story.
As it's the morning, I am in the School Hall sitting amongst a  large gaggle of senior students who are supposedly studying for an assessment task that they will complete later today.
A student just came up to me & asked me to tell her the meaning of 'Dyspeptic'. I obliged. She thanked me profusely & went back to her desk. It occurred to me that 'Dyspeptic' totally describes my mood today.
I now realise what is happening. Della wants me to write about Comfort Zones & Dyspepsia.
But I don't. Instead, I want to write about how I'm having yet another Clothing Market Stall with my friend The Ex-School Nurse on Sunday at Rozelle Markets & how I'm ruthlessly throwing out Semi-Cherished Items such as this Vintage Handbag, shown Above & Below.
There's Two Things that I want you to note about the pictures:
1. I have photographed them using the More Lomo app on my iPhone. This week I saw some photos using this app featured in an old issue of Yen Magazine that I retrieved out of my building's Recycling Bin.
I wonder what the correct name is for someone who almost falls in Head First into large Garbage Bins whilst desperately searching for discarded magazines? A Bin Diver, perhaps?  Slightly lame.
Of course I just checked with The Oracle, Wikipedia. It's called Dumpster Diving. Whilst I do like the repetition of the 'D' sound, it's not really correct because I don't believe we use the term 'dumpster' where I come from.  We call it a 'Skip'. God knows why. Anyway, I wasn't actually diving into a dumpster. It was one of those green garbage bins that  go to just below my bustline & I'm not technically a dwarf. If the bin was a dress, it would be an Empire Line.
I must move on before I Drown in my own Detail.
1(a) I must say that I ever so slightly recommend the More Lomo app. I loved the effect that it created with these photos, particularly as I took them v. quickly without much thought. You'd never know.
BTW, don't bother reading all the comments that disgruntled users have posted about More Lomo. They're just having a whinge.
2. Look closely at the Gold Gucciesque clasp on the handbag. I can't tell you how much time I've spent gazing at Gucci Logos on Google Images. At this stage, I have abandoned any slight tinge of hope  that the bag is a vintage Gucci.
Yes, I have Offically Let this One Go, although I don't want to be like that family who sold the lost Da Vinci painting for 45 pounds at Sotheby's in 1958 & now that  it's had six years of v. detailed cleaning & restoration is authenticated as a genuine Leonardo. And priceless.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Me & Bill

Hello & Welcome to Me & My Classroom Copying Bill Cunningham New York.
The above statement probably won't make much sense to you if you haven't at least heard of 
Bill Cunningham New York, the documentary.  Then again, much of what I say may not make much sense to you, but you may at least Skim Read it anyway. Of course it always makes Perfect Sense to Me which, after all is all that matters.
Spotting a Psychopath.
Ooooo..... I hope I'm not sounding too much like a Narcissist or perhaps, dare I say, a Psychopath.
Last nite, over a splendid Birthday Dinner at 'Zinc' for AJ, Lady Di, a local friend, told us a chilling story of her now Ex-boss, who behaved so much like a psychopath  in the workplace that she was fired & escorted off the premises. While Lady D was describing The Psychopath's  behaviour, I was mentally ticking off all the characteristics we had in common:
1. considered herself an artist/photographer;
2. Had strict rules for life like always rub blockout on your cleaveage & eat broccoli;
3. Fancied herself as a singer.
4. Reminded people of Bette Midler.
5. Had an office that was adorned with Photographic Portraits of herself, sometimes in multiples as if Andy Warhol himself had taken them.
Sadly, I share a number of those characteristics but I'm not going to tell you which ones, except to say  that someone told me recently that Bette Midler would be far more suited to playing me in My Biopic than Meryl Streep.
Anyway, back to Bill Cunningham's Documentary. I totally loved it & I'm sure you would too.
In a Nutshell:
Bill is v. old. He lives in NYC.
As a young man, he made hats. And then he was drafted & was sent to Korea.
He has never had a romance.
He totally loves fashion but doesn't wear it himself. Instead, he wears a kind of French Smock which makes him look like an Aged Warehouseman.
He takes photos of people wearing interesting outfits mainly on the streets of NYC. They are published in his regular page in the NY Times.
He is not interested in celebrities which is such a Huge Relief because I'm not really interested in what they wear myself even though I slavishly watch 'Fashion Police every week.
I'm now realising that there is far too much more to say about Bill Cunningham so the whole Nutshell Thing is a disaster. Just go watch it yourself. You can download it off  iTunes I think.
Of course, as soon as I got home, I feverishly began making my own version of  Bill's Movie Poster. Perhaps this makes me a Narcissist.
Anyway, its dangerously close to my Official Bedtime & I must hop into a steaming bath liberally sprinkled with Epsom Salts which is my Panacea for Every Ache & Pain & God knows I've got a few because I went to Boot Camp this afternoon & skipped a little too rigorously. Oh, if only there was Epsom Salts for the Soul.........

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

There's Nothing Fascinating About Fascinators

 Apparently last nite was Halloween. I thought that it was last friday. Clearly, no one Tricked or Treated or even Grunted around my neck o'er the woods.
The photo, above taken by Maeflower, was the closest I came to Halloween if you don't count the five or so houses I drove past in my car sporting windows dripping with Enormous Fake Cobwebs that only a spider the size of a rottweiler could build.
In case you're wondering what the photo is of, I'll now tell you:
They're a Little Gaggle of Witches Fingers Cookies baked by M.Flower in honour of Halloween. I wonder what the correct Collective Noun is for them?
A Wand of Witches Fingers, perhaps? But maybe it's fairies who wield wands & not witches. I'm not sure.
A Cauldron of Witches Fingers? That's more like it.
Sadly, I didn't get to taste them, just to look at them via iPhone, so I can't tell you what they were made of. AJ, Maeflower's Godmother thought that they were broad beans filled with jam. What a Lame Guess. My money is on Marzipan with an almond as a fingernail.

 OK, so we're done with Halloween.
Next up is the Melbourne Cup. That was  today. I remembered this morning as I was trotting down the hill to school when I gazed in the window of 'Booty', the local shoe shop & I saw the Toy Horses. Of course, I immediately felt Inappropriately Dressed because I wasn't wearing a Fascinator or some hideous Floral & Feathered Headpiece which would accentuate my resemblance to a parrot.
But perhaps you're From Outta Town & are not familiar with The Melbourne Cup. Every time I go to LA I'm constantly asked by any number of sales assistants & waiters if I'm from 'Outta Town'. How do they guess?
Anyway, if you don't know, The Melbourne Cup is a boring Annual Horse Race that the whole of Australia supposedly stops for at 3pm on the first Tuesday of every November. I certainly don't stop for it. In fact, today at precisely 3pm I was ordering two takeaway lattes from 'Zinc'.
Even though it's in Melbourne, Sydney likes to pretend that they're part of The Melbourne Cup too. Women all  wear Fascinators. Work places have Sweeps. And there's Big Boozy Lunches that go into the Nite.

This, above, is what I did today instead of attending a Big Boozy Lunch. It was much more fun. Note, I'm wearing a thrifted Real Diane Von Furstenberg silk wrap dress that sadly has a 'Made in China' tag on it, which Slightly Cheapens it for me.  The big gold chain that could be mistaken for something a large Boxer Dog might wear came from a Toy Mark Jacobs handbag. The scarf is a Toy Hermes. But I'm Real.