Tuesday, October 23, 2012

First World Middelaged Arms

 Last saturday, I was thrilled to receive a Hard Copy of  the previous week's New York Times Style Section from The Ex-School Nurse who had freshly returned from The Large Apple. She especially saved it for me because in it were plenty of Bill Cunningham photos which he took at some Big Gala Event that I would have ached to go to & Ex-SN knows what a big fan I am of Bill who is in his eighties.
Actually, I'm a Big Fan of anyone older than me who is:
1. Still Working & loving it.
2. Still has Working Brain.
3. Remembers to Wash Regularly.
4. Not in Nursing Home.

Over a bowl of Dill Infused Canned Tuna, I devoured the whole Style Section from cover to cover.
I particularly pounced on an article that looked like it was going to be about Michelle Obama's Arms, one of my absolute favourite topics.
Sadly, it wasn't .
 It was really  about  a Middleaged Journalist  complaining about the Saggy State of her arms & blaming Michelle & Her Magnificent Arms for the recent trend in Going Armless. Or perhaps the correct term is Going Sleeveless.
I personally haven't noticed this trend but I must admit that I do take the opportunity, weather permitting, to Go Sleeveless as much as possible. I like to think of it as a little prize for going to cboot camp every week & boxing myself into a frenzy. Not to mention all the Downward Dogs & Planks I try to do at the gym as well.
God, I sound amazing.

But then as Synchronicity would have it, I looked at last friday's Classroom Wardrobe Photo & noticed my arms. I was shocked. Perhaps even fascinated. You can see them for yourself in the first photo. They are definitely NOT saggy, but they seem to be Strangely Bulbous.
But rather than whine about it, I decided to come up with A Solution.
I hope you like it.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

OMG, I've Got So Many First World Problems, It's No Wonder That I Have to Go to the Therapist Twice a Week.

I'm speaking to you in Italian because the first photo is of the Italian Style Icon Anna Dello Russo.
You might have heard of her. But it's no reflection against you if you haven't. After all, it's not as if she's Proust.
Or Sartre. Or even Jackie Collins.
Anna is just the Editor-at-V.Large of Vogue Nippon.
And V. Large she is.
She's Everywhere.
Photographed at Every Fashion Week Everywhere in the First World.
 Photographed in her second apartment in Milan which only her clothes & accessories live in. She lives next door or down the hall.
Photographed in the street supposedly walking her dog like she is the photo below which I hope & pray that you'll eventually get to.
And almost unrecognisably photographed/photoshopped to promote her exclusive line of O'er the Top Jewels for H&M which appeared for about five minutes in the shoppes & online a week or so ago but was sold out within the first five minutes.
Sadly, I was in a Geographically Impossible Situation at the time  as H&M couldn't be bothered opening a store at the Bottom O'er the World where I live even though we got a Topshop last week in Sydney which I haven't gone to because I'm too old for shorts & that's all Topshop seems to sell.
And I didn't even hear about Anna's Jewels until my BFF Marge told me by phone from Thousand Oaks Ca last saturday. But of course by then it was too late. Nothing was left.
 It was just like the recent Coach Warehouse Clearance Sale on eBay which, try as I might, I was completely locked out of.
Both experiences were traumatic & have left rather huge scars that I hope will heal in time.
But then, The Duchess, who merrily sits next to me in The Staffroom sent me a little film clip called First World Problems Read by Third World Kids.

Here's Anna again walking the streets of Milan with her dog who loves fashion as much as she does but chooses to go naked. Weird.
Like millions of other Wannabe Women, I'm obsessed with Anna & have been spending the past few days desperately trying to copy her while I stand in front of the Whiteboard in my classroom.
You can see the results below.

I wore this thrifted from 'BednobsEtc' paisley 'Charlie Brown' wraparound dress yesterday & spent most of the day when I wasn't in the classroom standing sideways in front of the mirror in the staff toilets trying to work out if I looked fat in it. Sadly, I couldn't come up with an answer.
But look how I'm totally dripping in bling, just like Anna!
The large Egyptian Necklace inspired many of my colleagues to make comparisons with Cleopatra.
Wrong Woman.

And then there was the thrifted from 'Bednobsetc' American 'Max & Co' dress with a rather unfortunate high waist that is drawn in with a bow that again made me wonder about the possibility of Abdominal Weight Gain, a growing problem that can lead to Heart Problems in the Middleaged.
Not that I have any Body Image Issues.
If you look closely, you can see that I am wearing a Friendly Elephant Bracelet that is rather uncannily like something from Anna's H&M Collection. Only it isn't.

In the picture above I look like I'm standing in a moodily-lit niteclub instead of The Classroom. In fact, I'm not too fond of harsh lighting in class as it's v. ageing. I would prefer it if my students think I'm years younger.
The dress is yes, another thrifted from BN's, Diane von Furstenberg silk wrap dress. My only concern is that I might be accused by the 'experts' on 'Fashion Police' of being a little too 'Matchy Matchy' with the pink jewels. And it wasn't even Pink Ribbon Day.

And here I am today registering Mock Surprise in yet another Thrifted silk Bednobsetc dress.
I'd say that this is my Least Like Anna Look O'er the Week even though if you look v. closely  next to those Big Angry Pearls, I am wearing a glomesh snake necklace with a magnetised head that I'm sure Anna would wear at a pinch.

During the recent School holiday, at my insistence, Trixie picked me up & drove me out to a Remote Suburb of Sydney so we could have Ikea's Famously Cheap Meatballs at one of their stores.
I had been told that The Famous Balls were going to be about $2. Sadly, they weren't.
They were $6.95. In a fit of pique, I had the salmon instead with a side order of salt & pepper squid which came to a total of $11.95.
Trixie obligingly took this photo before we entered the store. Can't you see that I'm quivering with anticipation? Note too, my Rarely-Used Vivienne Westwood patent leather handbag with the huge logo on it. I do hope that it isn't a little too 'Matchy Matchy' with the yet yet again thrifted (Yawn) Bednobs silk Trelise Cooper dress & the pink bangle that has text on it that says 'Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History'.

After lunch we had to go to my absolute favourite Jewel shop, Diva in the Mall.
Oh, I ache for Anna to design her v. own jewel line for Diva. I'd buy the lot.
When inside the shop, I asked the delightful assistant, Sylvia if I could take her photo. As you can see, she cheerfully obliged, telling me after that I'd 'made her day'.
For one brief millisecond, I felt like The Sartorialist.

I just loved how Sylvia had artfully piled on all these wonderful jewels. Even better than Anna.

Enough of Outfits.
Let's bring on the Homewares!
Look above. It's my daughter Maeflower having a whale of a time at the Canberra Tip  buying a whole mess of mismatched dinner plates which is my new Homewares Obsession!
We bought a big box full including a set of Pyrex mixing bowls (remember Pyrex?) & a Corningware Casserole Dish with Glass Lid (remember Corningware?) for fifteen bucks the lot.
I felt like I'd won the lottery only I hadn't.

At this stage of the blog entry, I thought that it was time for a Cat Photo.
Here is Milash (not quite sure of the spelling as I'm not familiar with perhaps Slavic names), M.Flower's cat.

And back home on my Sunday Nite Dinnertable is a plate from the Canberra Tip. I've placed a Russian Doll serviette on top. Many of you may think that a Coca Cola dinner plate is rather Gross & Tasteless.
I'm not sure as the jury's still out on that one.
Note it is sitting on two placemats - the bottom one comes from Vietnam & it is made from rolled up pages from magazines. And the top one features birds & it's from Our Meatball Excursion to Ikea.

While we're still on homewares, look above at my new kitchen tableau featuring a v. detailed model of The Human Stomach that Maeflower bought for me. It was one of the Specials of the Week at Aldi.
I love it.

To add to the Mismatched Dinner Plate Theme, I found these wonderful stainless steel & plastic gingham complete cutlery set at yes, yawn, Bednobsetc last week. And also the little dish featuring an old photo of a Chinese person who I sadly suspect is Mao.
OMG, I've got soo many First World Problems, no wonder I have to go to the therapist twice a week!