Top Ten Middleagedteacher Outfits of the Year

 Hello & Welcome to Me in America which is pretty much the same deal as Me in Australia.
In case you're wondering, I'm in Thousand Oaks, California in the home of my great friend Marge & her family. It's currently 18 degrees Celsius & it seems that I've brought the wrong clothes with me. But that's a whole other story.
For now, let's focus on the Clothes that I Wore Last Year. In fact, I've gathered together My Top Ten Outfits of 2011.

Outfit #1 Above: The Most Unflattering Outfit of the Year.

I was soo thrilled when I spied this Lisa Ho suit at my favourite op shop, 'BednobsEtc'. In fact, I clapped my hands together in glee at my cleverness at discovering it hiding in the 'Designer Rack'. But even as I was paying the money, doubt began to creep in. Perhaps it was Donated For a Reason.  Maybe those Big Baggy Pockets that sit just above the waist of the jacket aren't particularly slimming. Ditto for the bunched up pleating at the front of the skirt. And the button treatment was uncomfortably reminiscent of a Drum Majorette.
My doubts were confirmed when Di, the Barista at Zinc Cafe started singing 'Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band' as she was making my latte.

 Outfits #2 &3: The Smug Triumph of Owning Two Diane Von Furstenberg Silk Wrap Dresses.
 Again, I bought them both from the 'Designer Rack' at 'BednobsEtc but not at the same time. The fabric on the top one MAY be a little faded in parts, but that just Might be my Imagination as it is often v. difficult for me to believe my luck sometimes.

 Outfit #4:  The Plainest Outfit of the Year.
Sadly, I wore Black to Death last year even though the Fashion World spent almost the entire year heralding the Impending Invasion of Colour in everyone's wardrobes. Upon reflection, though, I'm not so sure that people are wearing colourful clothes any more than they usually do.
Do notice the Two Eiffels I'm wearing on a long chain.
Perhaps I should make another catagory: Best Accessory: The Eiffel Tower.
Oh, & I must mention the black patent Ferragamos that I'm wearing with Black Sockettes which slightly dampens the effect I think. 

Outfit #5: The Most Eagerly Anticipated But Most Disappointing Outfit of the Year: A Marc Jacobs Dress.
I almost had a heart attack when I discovered it  at 'BednobsEtc. Finally, finally, a Real Marc Jacobs Dress Without Any Visible Stains. And, it fits! And it's All Mine.
The following evening I wore it to The Year 10 Harbour Cruise. It was kind of a pity that I wasn't going to something a bit more Age Appropriate like The Opera (Sadly, I have a v. narrow window of enjoyment with Opera. In fact, it's not really a window, more like a Crack.
But it's an Adult Thing to Do.  Children don't clamour to go to the Opera. Have you ever met a kid desperate to see 'Lucia di Lammermour or perhaps The Marriage of Figaro?
No)
Anyway, it didn't take me long to realise that the dress was Every Shade of Wrong. In fact, we hadn't even boarded the cruise ship when it hit me for the following three reasons:
1.  Shocking easily creased fabric (even though I got the dry cleaner to iron it just before I put it on. I rarely iron)
2. Unfortunate sleeves that made my arms look weirdly like they'd been carelessly glued on.
3. A shade of white reminiscent of Nurse Ratchett in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.
No wonder whoever it was donated it to 'BednobsEtc. She should have Binned It instead.

Outfit #6: The Most Worn Outfit of the Year: a Patricia Field Dress.
Yes, Patricia Field, the SATC designer. I think my thinking on this one was that if I wore it often enough a bit of Carrie Bradshaw might rub off on me, which, when you  come to think of it is a bit scary.
Anyway, it didn't.
And there's nothing like wearing a floaty dress with ruffles at the hemline to create the Illusion of Sashaying.
Famous Sashayers Whose Style At Least Consciously, I Don't Emulate:
Dolly Parton
Bette Midler
Mae West
Miss Peggy Lee.
(But maybe the last two just stood there & only looked as if they'd sashay if they bothered walking)

Outfit #7: The Outfit Worn When I Looked the Most Shocked/Traumatised: a grey MaxMara Weekend shirt with big bow at front, striped Hong Kong tailored jacket & black Armani skirt.
What else can I say except that I often look like this. Why wouldn't I? Why wouldn't any of us?

Outfit #8: The Most Whatever Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas Outfit: V. short dress made from some Unspeakable but Uncrushable Fibre worn with a Target Jacket & one of my student's Grandmother's Chanel Shoes that sadly I didn't fit into properly.

Outfit #9: The Most Prestigious Designer Brands Worn at Once Outfit: a vintage Lanvin dress worn under a Valentino felt jacket. Luckily, the words, 'Lanvin' are thoughtfully printed at discreet intervals on the fabric of the dress so that acute observers will note its provenance. The pussy bow hides the fact that the buttons pop at the front.
A small price to pay.

Outfit #10: The Outfit That Most Resembled a Circus Costume: a Carla Zampatti striped silk skirt worn with a Pink blouse. My friend & Style Guru Marge advised that next time I could wear this shirt with a plain black skirt.
Perhaps I will.
Back to Being in America.