Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Too Cold To Name This Post

 Hello & Welcome to my Chilly Little World.
It's Evening & I'm Freezing.
 Perhaps that rhymes.
I'd love it if it did. In fact, I'd love it if I could get the Entire Blog Post to rhyme. Perhaps a long series of Dainty Rhyming Couplets. Maybe Soon. But not now.
Anyway, back to being freezing. Even though I'm wearing my Toy Uggs & a series of thick woolen scarves that are wound so tightly around my turkey neck that I feel that I'm in a neck brace & I have two crocheted blankets wrapped across my knees which also holds my laptop that also doubles as a Mild Hot Water Bottle Substitute, I'm still freezing.
But, well may you ask, where is my Electric Heating?
The short answer is, I don't have any. Well, that's not entirely true, but I'm not going to go into it in any detail. Let's just say that I'm Fearful of Bills.
Anyway, someone once told me that Being Cold is a wonderful way to Burn Calories because the body uses up so many trying to get warm.
Of course, none of this has anything to do with the  Pictures. It Never Does. But now let's get to them!
In case you think that the top picture is Me, it's not. Neither is the picture underneath.

And No, I didn't take the pictures either. Lord Snowdon did. Well, at least he took the one above. Not sure about the first one.
By now you might be wondering who this woman is if it isn't me.
It's Eve Arnold, a dead woman.  She died perhaps last year aged 99.
 Many people think that living that long is an achievement. I don't. I'm sure she'd had an Absolute Gutload & was desperate to get out of here, particularly because she was one of the best photographers who ever lived & for the last few years of her life  wasn't even able to hold a camera, much less take an actual photo.
Last week I saw a documentary on Eve's life & work called Eve Arnold in Retrospect. I totally recommend watching it for anyone interested in Photography, Celebrity, Old Women & Life in General. I must admit I viewed it with a mixture of excitement, interest, envy & existential ennui, which have to be My Top Four Emotions of All Time, particularly the last two, although I am pretty fond of Mild to Severe Irritation & of course, Full Blown Rage.

Eve was a Magnum photographer which meant she took photos of all sorts of things in far flung & often dangerous places around the world. But I'm not really interested in that. I'm interested in her photos of Joan Crawford. And also Marilyn.
As soon as you finish reading, go straight to Google Images & type in Eve Arnold. All sorts of amazing photos will come up. Some of them you will  know, & others not. Even though I think I'm a World Expert on Joan & if I were a contestant on a quiz show where you could pick your Special Topic of Interest I'd pick her, I must admit that I'd never seen these pictures of her taken in about 1958. Apparently, Joan commissioned them. There's a whole series of photos of her having excruciating beauty treatments & some scary close ups of her applying her own  eye make up revealing an excruciatingly wrinkled eyelid. She must have done a whole heap of sun baking with her eyes shut & no sunglasses. Maybe sunlamps.
As I'm always Alert But Not Alarmed About Signs of Ageing,  I just examined my eyelid for any Joan-style wrinkles. Not too bad. It's my Naso-Labials that are a worry. But that's a Whole Other Story.

Meanwhile, back to Me.
You know I never mention my Official Classroom Photographer these days.
Her name is George. She likes to tell me what to do.She's organised. Inquisitive. Outgoing. And I don't like it when she doesn't come to class. She never forgets that I need a photo at the end of class. I will miss her when she's gone which will be soon.
Below are photos she took last week of Me & My Outfits.
 Everything, except a pashmina featuring a Roberto Cavalli print, is thrifted from 'BednobsEtc'

n the photo above, I'm wearing a perhaps silk, or at least Silken striped Carla Zampatti skirt which I've had for Some Years. For quite some time, I toyed with the idea of having it taken up but of course I never got around to it which is a good thing because I saw on Fashion Police, which I'm still doggedly watching that Victoria Beckham's range of dresses are all quite long. As well, Camembert, another opinionated student told me today that she much prefers the longer length on me rather than my shorter, Sluttier skirts.
I'm wearing a beautiful pure wool French jacket & a black shirt underneath. Neither item fits, although the shirt kind of does up, which is more than I can say about the jacket. Only the first two buttons do up. French woman must have their Ribs Removed or something.

I'm standing in the picture above like I'm a 1950s Spokesmodel standing in front of a Large, Family size Fridge.  I can't believe how daintily I'm positioning my right leg & holding my lipstick which looks uncannily like a cigarette.
The thing to note in this outfit is that I'm wearing matching black Sweatbands which I totally love which in reality probably look not quite Stupid, but perhaps Silly. I'm wearing them for an Entirely Practical Reason:  they help corral my unruly Wild Animal bracelets. I can't have them getting in the way while I'm writing on the Whiteboard, can I?

And then there's this great jacket which sadly makes my arms look like Lamb Shanks. But it was really because I was wearing about five layers of clothes underneath. Honestly.

Obsession #1:
Look who popped into the classroom!
Yes, Alec Baldwin. I nearly wet myself.
At present I'm watching Series 4 of 30 Rock every nite. I'm obsessed. I so love everything about Alec's character, Jack Donaghy. And I do love Alec as well. I don't actually want to be like him, I want to BE With Him, although I am madly practising talking in a new kind of Breathy Whispering Way which is how Alec speaks. It's not working, though as my voice is more Natural Foghorn.

Obsession #2:
Here, above are some crotcheted rugs that I bought. I'm constantly buying them at BednobsEtc. And because I've got so many, the ones that are wrapped around my knees at the moment are not these ones. Crotcheted blankies are draped across couches & beds all over my apartment. I call it Designer Nursing Home Chic.

Obsession #3: 
Taking photos even though I'm never going to be as good as Eve Arnold.
As I was trudging up the street last week, I came across this poor, bedraggled, abandoned picture. I know exactly how it feels.

Obsession #4: Layering.
Look look above at my dressing table from childhood which I've recently loaded up with layers of mementos. There's my California pennant, which is my Second Favourite place in the World because it's where my BFF Marge lives. An old lamp that I bought about thirty years ago at a market stall. Matching Globe bookends from my daughter Maeflower & her fiance Russell; A miniature Mexican sombrero; A Mexican Tin Mirror , Pictures of Saints, including my Mother's Favourite Saint, St Therese, The Little Flower & some Op Shop Paintings.

Obsession #4:
Perseverance. 688 Blog Posts & still going.

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