As Much as Possible, Happy New Year.

 I do hope that I've not left it too late to wish you, O Reader, a Happy New Year (as far as possible).
Some moments ago I realised that it was already January 4 & I still hadn't posted my photos of Sydney's magnificent Fireworks display on NYE. It kind of loses the moment if I don't bother posting them until early February.
I am going to gallop through the photos because I'm desperate to get down to 'BednobsEtc', my favourite shop in the whole world. It's been shut since Xmas Eve & only opened today. Who knows what will be there besides a whole load of rotting clothes that once belonged to a Drag Queen? Just like Dr. Frankenfurter in The Rocky Horror Show, I can feel myself, 'trembling in Anti-ci-pay-tion'.
Enough of that for now.
Look above at the Sydney Skyline taken from the daggy rooftop of my building just before nightfall on NYE. Even though I was cooking up a storm for my guests at the time, I had been told about Mysterious Skywriting that had from out of the blue suddenly appeared & I had to get up there & photograph it. The first couple of words were intriguing.....'Trust. How?' My imaginative friend Marge thought that this could be a personal message from some poor hapless lover who had been betrayed. We waited in breathless anticipation for the rest of the sentence:
'How?..........Because I'm a fool in love'.
'How?........can I ever get over you?'
'How?.....could you be such a toad?'
All of these sentiments of course were totally applicable to my own situation , but as it turned out, not for the Skywriter. The next word that appeared was 'Christ.'

Private Sydney.
I stomped back to my apartment slightly disappointed, returning an hour or so later for the 9pm, Kiddie's Fireworks.  To us Spoiled Seasoned Fireworks Audience, this offering seemed a little ho hum even though the whole Shebang was supposedly designed by Marc Newson who specialises in designing uber-cool aeroplane interiors. I wondered what kind of a cross-over designing reclining seats that turned into snug bedlets (ooo..did I just make up a word then, I wonder?) had with designing Firecrackers.
But perhaps I was just suffering from Fireworks Fatigue.
At any rate, I began to be much more interested in looking at the revellers in the apartment building down the road. They seemed to be having a much rowdier & an altogether better time than we were on my roof. But perhaps I was just suffering from the Perennial Grass is Always Greener Syndrome.

But the place really started to Hot Up with the Midnight Fireworks. By the time they were over, it was clear that if you designed Aeroplane Interiors you could also design Fireworks.
What a relief for us all.

Please indulge me for the next three or so photos. You see, I dragged out my Semi-New Nikon DX SLR camera & just kept clicking.

No, this isn't a photo of Armageddon.
It's the Sydney Harbour Bridge.

They just went on & on. And on.

Eventually they stopped.
Me & my guests went back down to my apartment & once again clinked my Villeroy & Boch glasses together & toasted the New Year. I breathed a sigh of relief when no glasses were chipped in the process.
I was busting to ask everyone if they had any New Year's Resolutions, but I knew that I'd be howled down, so I didn't. People hate that kind of talk. At least the ones that come to my place.

Among my guests, were the proprietors of my favourite local Potts Point cafe, Zinc. I am always v. nervous when they come to my place as they serve everything beautifully & all their food is fab. Every time they come (which I must admit is rare), I immediately transform into a combination of Basil Fawlty, Manuel, his bumbling waiter from Barcelona & Inspector Clouseau.
And you can kind of see what I mean in the photo  above, where I'm inappropriately giving the finger to someone (not you). I often try & compensate for my nervousness by Showing Off, a behaviour that my Mother considered a War Crime.

The next nite, Maeflower , my daughter arrived with Russell. Once again, I got out the Villeroy & Boch & nervously watched while almost the same crowd as yesterday clicked them together once more.
Thankfully, there were No Glass Casualties.

M.Flower is a magnificent cook & thankfully took over the food preparation, making, amongst other dishes, a wonderful pear, walnut & blue cheese salad which I highly recommend.
I think green peas & rocket also featured, & clearly a lemon did as you can see it in the photo, above.
The last photo is of Mae's Godmothers, AJ & Marge from Thousand Oaks Ca. Marge was throwing her head back because she'd read somewhere that throwing one's head back whilst performing a Discreet Hair Flick at the same time makes you look younger in photos. I must must try it.
Perhaps that could be one of my New Year's Resolution.

Xmas Cards I May or May Not Have Sent

As Far as Possible, Dear Reader, Holiday Greetings. 
I hope you didn't feel too guilty about stuffing yourself with Seasonal Treats or too resentful if you didn't. I don't think I'm painting an overly rosy picture of my Internal World if I tell you that I seemed to avoid both of those feelings over the Holiday Season. It's just the rest of the year that I've got to work on.
Today's blog entry is aiming to be about Xmas/Holiday Cards that I May or May Not have sent. Of course I use the word 'aiming' because I'm always fighting a constant battle with The Blog Itself who, as regular readers know, has a Mind of It's Own.
Anyway, let's push on.
Look above at Card #1. I made this card for my Boss, The Head of English & I did actually give it to her. She totally loved it in a way that I've never seen her love anything else that I've done before (like mark 68 Year 12 Essays on King Lear over a weekend) You see, Head of E has been planning to own a cat for some time, so I thought I would find an appropriate picture of one & include some of my all time favourite Cat Names.
I thoughtshe'd love Kafka. Or perhaps Shazbot. But no, she liked Jack the Cat who didn't even feature on the card.

 Xmas Card #2: I made this card for the  the Deputy Headmistress who dresses v. stylishly from a wardrobe largely purchased from Netaporter. I do hope that she didn't think I was being Too Forward or perhaps Over-Familiar because I did actually give it to her.
I totally agree with with Uber Style Elf, Simon Doonan (Barney's Creative Director & author. Do look him up) who says that we should all wear our best outfits everyday & not leave them in the wardrobe to rot. That's what I try to do although sometimes it doesn't look like it.
I seem to remember that Iris Apfel that V. Elderly Style Guru who always looks to me like a Fabulously Dressed Preying Mantis but in a good way said something similar recently. I think it caused an outcry because she said that most people looked really dreadful & needed to make an effort. In fact, here's what she said on Huffpost, "Now when I walk down Fifth Avenue in the summertime I just want to throw up. It seems that the fatter and uglier people are, the fewer clothes they wear. " 
I personally would not say such a thing but you can see that I'm not above quoting it.

Xmas Card #3: Here's a card that I was busting to send to that Special Someone but sadly  didn't.

Drat. Sometimes I dislike Blogger Intensely. Try as I might, It won't let me type between the Chanel Card & the Le Tour Card. So I'm just going to have to press on regardless. I hope you'll stay with me & not give up.....
Not a Xmas Card #4: This is a cover of a book I discovered in the bookshop about Chanel. So it's not Officially a Xmas Card, although I could definitely turn it into one but it's a bit late now. Perhaps next year.
Anyway, I loved the cover because it uncannily looked like a Quilted Chanel Bag. And I just had to covertly photograph it using my favourite iPhone app, Hipstermatic. Luckily, the shop assistant didn't catch me & dress me down in front of everybody in the shop which would have  included Paul Keating, our ex-Prime Minister who had just dropped in to check on the sales of his latest book.
Xmas Card #5: Reclaim La Tour. I gave this card to my daughter, Maeflower. Regular readers will know that I have a Special Affinity with the Eiffel Tower even though I haven't been to Paris since 1974. But I guess that half the world may feel a special affinity with it right now because its everywhere.
Haven't you noticed?
I don't honestly think that it is possible to go into a Gift Shop anywhere in the World & not find  dainty little Eiffel Tower Earrings or Eiffel Toaster Racks or  Decorative Eiffel Clothes Pegs.
Anyway, my special connection with Eiffel is that Maeflower bought a giant one for me from the top of the tower when she visited Paris on a School Excursion when she was in Year 10. She lugged it all over Europe & proudly presented it to me when she arrived home. Sadly, I no longer have it for reasons that are too painful to tell.
(I wonder if it is really La Tour & not Le Tour? I do hope its feminine & not masculine, but I guess a tower looks more like a Man than a Woman, doesn't it?)

Xmas Card #6: There's a Hundred Thousand Angels By Your Side. I made this card using an old German Xmas Card I had lying around. And I gave it to a v. religious person. And I got the title from a song they play during my Body Balance Class at the gym.
I do hope that there's loads of Angels at Your Side this Holiday Season & Always.

As Much as Possible, Happy Holidays

 Hello & Welcome to a V. Quick Holiday Show & Tell. 
Here above is my Holiday Card to you. I hope you like it. I have unwittingly used Advent Colours as I must be unconsciously plugged into the Catholic Liturgical Calendar. All these years working at a Catholic School is finally paying off in Undreamed of Ways!
I'd totally love it if you found a way of passing this card on to your friends & loved ones. I'm sure you have many of those. At this time of the year people love to talk about how they hate Xmas & how everyone behaves weirdly & fights with everyone & then they moan about how commercial it is or how meaningless it is because they're not religious & it's too hot to eat turkey or they're allergic to shellfish  & they've always hated plum pudding & anyway they're on a diet.
I personally Adore Plum Pudding. In fact, as I type, I have a homemade one stylishly wrapped in a smart designer tea towel sitting in the fridge made for me by my friend, The Ex-School Nurse. I will not be serving it at any of my Xmas Celebrations because I plan to eat the whole thing myself over a number of weeks.

 Of course the School is now shut for the Holidays. And not a moment too soon. All year, I have valiantly attempted to behave like the Now Deceased Queen Mother (my Behavioural Role Model)  at school which means  sucking it up & waving & smiling at everyone when I really wanted to smack many many people across the face with a Wet Flounder. Sadly, the pressure of doing this day after day starts to build up.
Luckily, I had an Escape Valve, or whatever it is that allows you to let off steam & show your true emotions in a Safe Way. It was a simple Twelve Days of Xmas Staff Decorating Contest which I embraced with gusto. Because I rarely, if ever win anything (although I did win a $25 David Jones gift voucher at the Staff Xmas Luncheon) I didn't win the contest. I am not blaming this on the fact that a v. Elderly Nun judged it.
Nay..... who could ever compete with the Perpetually High-Fiving & Whooping Sporting Department who turned their staff room into Santa's Workshop complete with a log fire projected onto the wall from someone's computer?
I, of course, sensibly used my absolute Favourite Action Figure Dolls - Action Men who always look Festive whatever the occasion.

 One thing I've never told you is that since childhood, I've always wanted to be able to do the splits. Sadly, even as an eight year old I couldn't. That was one of many disappointments that were to follow.
Like not being able to water ski the first & only time that I tried.
Or hula hoop.
Or sing like Dusty Springfield or Barbra Streisand. At least I have a nose a bit like her.

 Here I am celebrating my new Holiday Decorations featuring Poitsettias, chilis, blue sparkly Xmas leaves & some Plastic bananas & grapes. Everything, just like me is, Holding Together by a Mere Thread.
But at least we're still standing.

 And here's some of my Sunday Nite Regular Dinner Guests. Carlotta is taking the photo. We're all pretending to laugh. You'd never know.
AJ is channelling Emanuelle Alt (French Vogue) & I'm trying to brighten up my thrifted Wayne Cooper black lace dress with huge shocking pink earrings. Hunter & Tyler look their usual Uber Wonderful Selves.

 I found an old Xmas Card sent to me by Jackie O lying around at home. I'm going to re-send it to Peter, from my favourite Potts Point cafe, Zinc as he so loves Jackie.

Lastly, I couldn't help but show you one of my Fairly New Pastimes - photographing pages from books in bookshops with my iPhone using  the More Lomo app. I do love the thrill of capturing the picture whilst  the sales assistant is not looking. This page is taken from a fab book which is in every book shop at the moment.  It features Meaningful Quotes from The Wizard of Oz.
You could live your life according to that book & I'm sure many people do. There are probably thousands of Wizard of Oz Self-Help Groups dotted across the Globe in many strange & unlikely places. Like perhaps near Scott's Hut in  Antartica.

The Curse of Man Made Fibres

Memory Lapses or Am I Just Making Up My Life As I Go Along?
I've spent the last week trying to remember if this is the second or third Market Stall that The Ex-School Nurse & me have had this year. It certainly feels like the third.
Anyway, here we are at the beginning of the day. The car is packed full of our clothes & it's v. early in the morning. Note that we are both Unintentionally Thematically Dressed in shades of black & white except I've just realised that I'm also wearing shades of red. Ex-SN is wearing a beautiful silk dress she had made in Vietnam & a Mother of Pearl Dinosaur Designs necklace.
I'm wearing Top-to-Toe Synthetics which is one of the reasons that  My Clothes aren't that attractive to Potential Buyers. But More about that later.
Atlas Ears
.I'm also wearing enormous black Chandelier Earrings  I recently purchased for $5 at 'Lovisa' in Bondi Westfield. Even though it looks like my Lobes are carrying a Large Load, seriously, I didn't even realise I was wearing them except when I moved my head suddenly & they smacked me in the side of the face. Luckily, no bruising occurred.

The Ex-SN is uncannily lucky with parking spots so of course we got an all day parking spot almost directly outside the Rozelle Markets. Every time I am in the car with her, it's like The Parting of  The Red Sea - a car spot always spontaneously opens up, only Moses or Charlton Heston isn't there to oversee the proceedings. Ex-SN does it all herself.
I digress.
Feeding Frenzy
As soon as we schlepped our wares to our designated spot in the Market Grounds, we were invaded by hoards of permanent stall holders, above, desperate to rifle through our bags, pluck out a few choice items, pay a v. modest price for them & them re-sell them at five times the price. You'd think that this would annoy us but it doesn't. We enjoy the attention & don't care a fig who buys our stuff.

This lovely lady is wearing a hand painted dress that a friend made for her. She's holding up one of my Man Made Fibre Tops in the hope that it might fit her as that shade of blue is her favourite colour. Sadly, even though I totally willed it to, it didn't fit her. I was crushed.

I spent large chunks of the day channelling my New Hero, Bill Cunningham & taking photos of people who I thought looked interesting. I just loved the Dusty Pink Sequinned dress worn above by that Beautiful Person.

And I loved the way this young woman (I dare not use the term, 'Lady' because the Advanced Style blogger got heavily chastised by another blog for calling his subjects, Ladies) is wearing her Chanel Bag......

....and and I also loved how this Young Woman, above (is it too limiting or discriminating to call her a Baby or perhaps, dare I say, a 'Toddler'?) is wearing her jewels. BTW, this is the only age group that can get away with wearing Crocs.

But my total favourite look of the whole day was worn by Liv, above who just took my breath away with her unusual combination of flowers & colours & jewels & big smile.

Here she is again, above, with her mother carrying An Important Message over her shoulder.

Another Mother & Daughter combination wearing complementary shades of green. Honestly, Joan & Christina Crawford couldn't have done it better.

I was v. impressed with people's Sun Hygiene. I have a difficulty in wearing hats as I'm convinced they make my Slightly Hooked Nose look more prominent.  Perhaps I should carry a Stylish Parasol like the Fab One, above.

I gushed all over this Person. I loved the Red Camellia sandals & the hat. I wanted to rip the sandals off her feet & put them on my own. But I just took her photo instead.
BTW, have I told you that since I seriously started wearing Other People's Shoes in a range of sizes, that not only have I been bothered by Corns but also it appears that my feet have grown by at least a size? What a phenomenon, although I have been Reliably Informed that as we age our Noses, Ears & Feet grow.

Even though many people were brightly dressed to celebrate an Uncharacteristically Sunny Late Spring Day, I noticed Truckloads of Black, like this Person, above. I  loved her Pared-Down Minimalist Look accessorized only with the Magnificent Plait. And I was tempted to spell 'Pared- down' as 'Peared-Down' but resisted the urge. Such Control in the face of Such Temptation.

I've saved the Best Dressed to last. This wonderfully clad Pomeranian, below who calmly sat on a table while her owner set up her Plant Stall, stole the show. No wonder the word Dog is God Spelled Backwards. 
By about 3pm, the thunderstorm that had been predicted for lunchtime began with a large fanfare of falling leaves. We took this as our cue to pack up. Ex-SN had her usual Bumper Day. I was Less Successful owing to my Man Made Fibre Handicap. But you see, I must wear Synthetics because I lack the Necessary Ironing Skills.

Dyspeptic Comfort Zones

 Good Morning, although it probably isn't morning when you read this. But it is for me.
Writing in the morning is soo Out of My Comfort Zone as I usually write in a frenzy at nite while desperately trying to beat the clock before My Official Bedtime arrives.
And..... I'm not really sure if I do actually have a Comfort Zone at all...... but that's a whole other story.
As it's the morning, I am in the School Hall sitting amongst a  large gaggle of senior students who are supposedly studying for an assessment task that they will complete later today.
A student just came up to me & asked me to tell her the meaning of 'Dyspeptic'. I obliged. She thanked me profusely & went back to her desk. It occurred to me that 'Dyspeptic' totally describes my mood today.
I now realise what is happening. Della wants me to write about Comfort Zones & Dyspepsia.
But I don't. Instead, I want to write about how I'm having yet another Clothing Market Stall with my friend The Ex-School Nurse on Sunday at Rozelle Markets & how I'm ruthlessly throwing out Semi-Cherished Items such as this Vintage Handbag, shown Above & Below.
There's Two Things that I want you to note about the pictures:
1. I have photographed them using the More Lomo app on my iPhone. This week I saw some photos using this app featured in an old issue of Yen Magazine that I retrieved out of my building's Recycling Bin.
I wonder what the correct name is for someone who almost falls in Head First into large Garbage Bins whilst desperately searching for discarded magazines? A Bin Diver, perhaps?  Slightly lame.
Of course I just checked with The Oracle, Wikipedia. It's called Dumpster Diving. Whilst I do like the repetition of the 'D' sound, it's not really correct because I don't believe we use the term 'dumpster' where I come from.  We call it a 'Skip'. God knows why. Anyway, I wasn't actually diving into a dumpster. It was one of those green garbage bins that  go to just below my bustline & I'm not technically a dwarf. If the bin was a dress, it would be an Empire Line.
I must move on before I Drown in my own Detail.
1(a) I must say that I ever so slightly recommend the More Lomo app. I loved the effect that it created with these photos, particularly as I took them v. quickly without much thought. You'd never know.
BTW, don't bother reading all the comments that disgruntled users have posted about More Lomo. They're just having a whinge.
2. Look closely at the Gold Gucciesque clasp on the handbag. I can't tell you how much time I've spent gazing at Gucci Logos on Google Images. At this stage, I have abandoned any slight tinge of hope  that the bag is a vintage Gucci.
Yes, I have Offically Let this One Go, although I don't want to be like that family who sold the lost Da Vinci painting for 45 pounds at Sotheby's in 1958 & now that  it's had six years of v. detailed cleaning & restoration is authenticated as a genuine Leonardo. And priceless.

Me & Bill

Hello & Welcome to Me & My Classroom Copying Bill Cunningham New York.
The above statement probably won't make much sense to you if you haven't at least heard of 
Bill Cunningham New York, the documentary.  Then again, much of what I say may not make much sense to you, but you may at least Skim Read it anyway. Of course it always makes Perfect Sense to Me which, after all is all that matters.
Spotting a Psychopath.
Ooooo..... I hope I'm not sounding too much like a Narcissist or perhaps, dare I say, a Psychopath.
Last nite, over a splendid Birthday Dinner at 'Zinc' for AJ, Lady Di, a local friend, told us a chilling story of her now Ex-boss, who behaved so much like a psychopath  in the workplace that she was fired & escorted off the premises. While Lady D was describing The Psychopath's  behaviour, I was mentally ticking off all the characteristics we had in common:
1. considered herself an artist/photographer;
2. Had strict rules for life like always rub blockout on your cleaveage & eat broccoli;
3. Fancied herself as a singer.
4. Reminded people of Bette Midler.
5. Had an office that was adorned with Photographic Portraits of herself, sometimes in multiples as if Andy Warhol himself had taken them.
Sadly, I share a number of those characteristics but I'm not going to tell you which ones, except to say  that someone told me recently that Bette Midler would be far more suited to playing me in My Biopic than Meryl Streep.
Anyway, back to Bill Cunningham's Documentary. I totally loved it & I'm sure you would too.
In a Nutshell:
Bill is v. old. He lives in NYC.
As a young man, he made hats. And then he was drafted & was sent to Korea.
He has never had a romance.
He totally loves fashion but doesn't wear it himself. Instead, he wears a kind of French Smock which makes him look like an Aged Warehouseman.
He takes photos of people wearing interesting outfits mainly on the streets of NYC. They are published in his regular page in the NY Times.
He is not interested in celebrities which is such a Huge Relief because I'm not really interested in what they wear myself even though I slavishly watch 'Fashion Police every week.
I'm now realising that there is far too much more to say about Bill Cunningham so the whole Nutshell Thing is a disaster. Just go watch it yourself. You can download it off  iTunes I think.
Of course, as soon as I got home, I feverishly began making my own version of  Bill's Movie Poster. Perhaps this makes me a Narcissist.
Anyway, its dangerously close to my Official Bedtime & I must hop into a steaming bath liberally sprinkled with Epsom Salts which is my Panacea for Every Ache & Pain & God knows I've got a few because I went to Boot Camp this afternoon & skipped a little too rigorously. Oh, if only there was Epsom Salts for the Soul.........

There's Nothing Fascinating About Fascinators

 Apparently last nite was Halloween. I thought that it was last friday. Clearly, no one Tricked or Treated or even Grunted around my neck o'er the woods.
The photo, above taken by Maeflower, was the closest I came to Halloween if you don't count the five or so houses I drove past in my car sporting windows dripping with Enormous Fake Cobwebs that only a spider the size of a rottweiler could build.
In case you're wondering what the photo is of, I'll now tell you:
They're a Little Gaggle of Witches Fingers Cookies baked by M.Flower in honour of Halloween. I wonder what the correct Collective Noun is for them?
A Wand of Witches Fingers, perhaps? But maybe it's fairies who wield wands & not witches. I'm not sure.
A Cauldron of Witches Fingers? That's more like it.
Sadly, I didn't get to taste them, just to look at them via iPhone, so I can't tell you what they were made of. AJ, Maeflower's Godmother thought that they were broad beans filled with jam. What a Lame Guess. My money is on Marzipan with an almond as a fingernail.

 OK, so we're done with Halloween.
Next up is the Melbourne Cup. That was  today. I remembered this morning as I was trotting down the hill to school when I gazed in the window of 'Booty', the local shoe shop & I saw the Toy Horses. Of course, I immediately felt Inappropriately Dressed because I wasn't wearing a Fascinator or some hideous Floral & Feathered Headpiece which would accentuate my resemblance to a parrot.
But perhaps you're From Outta Town & are not familiar with The Melbourne Cup. Every time I go to LA I'm constantly asked by any number of sales assistants & waiters if I'm from 'Outta Town'. How do they guess?
Anyway, if you don't know, The Melbourne Cup is a boring Annual Horse Race that the whole of Australia supposedly stops for at 3pm on the first Tuesday of every November. I certainly don't stop for it. In fact, today at precisely 3pm I was ordering two takeaway lattes from 'Zinc'.
Even though it's in Melbourne, Sydney likes to pretend that they're part of The Melbourne Cup too. Women all  wear Fascinators. Work places have Sweeps. And there's Big Boozy Lunches that go into the Nite.

This, above, is what I did today instead of attending a Big Boozy Lunch. It was much more fun. Note, I'm wearing a thrifted Real Diane Von Furstenberg silk wrap dress that sadly has a 'Made in China' tag on it, which Slightly Cheapens it for me.  The big gold chain that could be mistaken for something a large Boxer Dog might wear came from a Toy Mark Jacobs handbag. The scarf is a Toy Hermes. But I'm Real.