Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Holiday to Enlightenment




What with spending The Whole Day at the Day Spa & then going to Yoga four times in five days & then making healthy food & drinks, this holiday is turning into a DIY Health Retreat. 
I've got to go home looking reasonably trim because Mr. Middleaged has been losing weight. While I'm here in LA, he's at home in Sydney eating raw green beans, cooked up to nothing asparagus & 'Corn Thins' (Cardboard Crispbread) I've warned him that if he loses too much weight, people might think he's got cancer. 
Patricia Field, the 'Sex & the City' dress designer says that being thin & middleaged ads another ten years. I wonder if she was thinking about Carrie when she said that. 
Which brings me to the SATC movie  which I saw a couple of nights ago. Marge had already seen it twice & by taking me, she was making it a third.  We both loved it which again reveals us as being Really Shallow. After we got home, we read a whole truckload of lousy reviews including one by Uber-Critic, Roger Ebert, whose opinions I value. We both thought it was a Fab Fairy Tale with Great Handbags. 
But back to the Yoga Classes for a moment.  On Sunday, the LA Times said that gyms are the 'new barnyards', full of people who smell & sound like farm animals. You can at least SEE that we certainly aren't like that.  We're more the types who sit around contemplating Hindu sayings like the one quoted in the LA Times article:
Ridding my mind of distraction,
Single pointed,
I shut out sounds & all the senses,
And I am here.

The Mother of all Day Spas




Here are some snaps of yesterday's Spa Journey. Marge used part of a gift certificate to take me to this Incredibly Opulant Temple of the Body, where all the participants swan around in roomy white robes, sipping peach green tea  with the sounds of recorded ocean waves resounding in the background.
 You'd think by the looks on our faces that we had mixed feelings about the place. Nothing of the sort. We spent the whole time loving every moment, liberally applying as many free hair & body products as we could find & eating all the free fruit. 
I  really loved the massage, although I caught myself thinking about my overdue car registration at a particularly blissful moment. 
We could have had a whole lot of other treatments at the adjoining  Health & Longevity Institute. All our Deep Furrows could have been filled in for a mere $900, unwanted fat removal or Lipodissolve, for a very reasonable, $2500 for first area, or we could have chosen from the extensive Lifestyle a la Carte Menu which would help to Improve our Relationships or Inject Passion in Our Busy Lives. 
The problem was, there was SO much help available that we were Spoilt for Choice. We ended up just sticking with the massage & the free stuff ,like the steam room & the whirlpool.
We packed up after six hours & trudged home totally exhausted. It's hard work being pampered.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Oh, I Forgot July Fourth



I know it's days too late, but I can't visit the US in July & not mention Independence Day.
All through the day before , I heard people urge each other in shops & restaurants to, 'Have a Great Fourth!' which sounded slightly odd to my Foreign Ear.
I celebrated the occasion sipping champagne with friends, watching far-off fireworks with the radio syncing Neil Diamond & that old Iconic American, Barry Manilow to match the explosions.

Nothing if Not Greedy



You'd think that because I'm so addicted to thrift shopping, my trips to California would be full of it. Nothing of the sort. Usually when I come here, Marge & I Trawl the Mall. I know, it sounds like we're Very Shallow, but please keep reading anyway.
We mainly look for Incredibly Cheap Sale Items which creates the Illusion that we're on The Quest of a Lifetime. See, it's always all about The Search for Meaning, even inside The Oaks Mall.
But of course buying new items especially from places like 'Forever 21' & probably even 'Anthropologie' interferes with my half-assed commitment to only buy Used Clothing, which is a more realistic term than, 'Vintage', which sounds such a wank. Most of what I buy I can't really tell how old it is anyway.
My resolve to keep the commitment became a little firmer this morning when I read this article by Hadley Freeman in The Thoughtful Dresser. Actually the snotty tone of the piece slightly turned my stomach. Some woman, Mary Someone or Other from London asked Hadley who's a fashion guru, where else she could buy a dress except from 'Primark' because she now realises that cheap stuff is made by Slave Children in Sweatshops.
Oh dear! exclaimed Hadley, has it just occurred to you that the people who are making the stuff that sells for three euros aren't sitting around on feather pillows & sipping champagne while they're doing it? I bet Silly Old Mary was sorry she asked the question.
But it's a bit like buying lamb chops. We know in the back of our minds where they come from & what happens to make them look all juicy & inviting in the plastic wrapping, but we just ignore it & eat them anyway. I know that I do. My daughter stopped eating meat at aged three because she found it what it was & I've just discovered that at aged twenty she's started eating bacon.
But back to Buying Clothes in California. On saturday, after much Malling Around, an Act of Serendipity delivered me to The Salvation Army Depot. I was thrilled. Acres of items that were all on sale for 25% off which is a helluva bargain when the original price is only $5!
Marge is shown exclaiming over the booty which included a genuine 'Vintage' pair of maybe seventies shoes with a 'Saks Petites' label. I have a relaxed policy when it comes to shoe sizes. I take a 7, but will wear up to a 9 & stuff the toes with tissue if necessary. This pair are v. narrow, but I'll grin & bear it, which is how I seem to have gotten through most things, not that I'm stoic.
When it came to purchase one last jacket, a v. old item with a label that proudly announced that it was 'Made in Japan', something I hadn't seen in years, we'd run out of cash. The amount was too small to put on 'Visa', so we both sat on the floor emptying our bags for spare change. A lady came up to us & inquired whether we needed some money. I told her we needed a couple of dollars & she promptly handed me the money saying that she was really only doing this for herself because every time she gives something to someone, a short time later something good happens to her. We thanked her & went over to the cash register. Because of the massive 25% sale, it turned out that the jacket was only $3, so we didn't need the donation after all.
We didn't want to spoil the chance of something good happening to our Generous Benefactor, so we pocketed the $2 & went home.
Oh, I forgot about 'Forever 21'. As you can see from the picture, I did buy something from there. It was masses of green beads for $2 each that you can see in the cheesy photo of Marge & I.
I guess you can say my commitment is really only Half-Assed. But maybe it's not so bad if it's jewelry, but probably not.

Monday, July 7, 2008

A Visit to the Gibbon Center






I've been in California now for five nights. This is my 23rd visit, & my second this year, so the novelty has sadly worn off. I remember coming here & being so excited with the unfamiliarity, as if I was on a different planet.
But some of that unfamiliarity came back a couple of days ago when we visited The Gibbon Centre at Valencia. I thought that a Gibbon was a good name for a Butler, but it turns out that it's an endangered species. If I looked at one, I would say a gibbon was a type of monkey, but I'm not sure if that's strictly true.
My friend Marge's step daughter, Kat has been volunteering there over the summer & we went to visit her. Kat reminded me of a cross between Jane Goodall & Diane Fossey, the gorilla lady.
When we first arrived at the centre, I thought I'd landed on the set of one of those disturbing Post-Apocalyptic films, where everyone except Will Smith has been annhiliated by aliens. It was about a hundred degrees with absolutely no shade. We parked in this what seemed to be a vast empty carpark before entering the compound which was absolutely full of ancient garden seating & tables, old aluminium teapots growing off trees & hoards of rakes & other implements of torture.
But the Gibbons didn't seem to notice. They were all happily ensconced in large cages dotted around the center. We followed Kat around as she meticulously fed them a variety of steamed vegetables.
I was exhausted in about five minutes & was desperate to get back into the car & drive to the nearest air conditioned Starbucks which was actually only about five minutes away but it sure didn't look like it. I couldn't imagine myself living out there in a trailer, which is where Kat stayed getting up at 6am to cut up a whole mess of apples to feed to The Gibbons.
But what was truly amazing to me was that the place was dotted with Gibbon Babies. Here's this endangered species propagating in an alien environment all because this one guy, Alan, became obsessed with them as a child. It's his persistance & determination that's kept the place going. I'm impressed.

Friday, July 4, 2008

Shopping in LA




Taking the advice of a reader, ccook, I forced my great friend Marge to take me to the Farmers Market in LA yesterday. It was not a regular destination for Marge, so we had a degree of difficulty in finding it, even though it turned out to be a stone's throw away from the Lebrea Tar Pits & the Miracle Mile. Every time we travel in her car, she puts on the satellite navigation & the nasty woman inside the car sounds more & more exasperated as we choose to ignore her.
'Bear left, bear LEFT IMMEDIATELY' she bellows. We eventually found it without her help.
Once inside the market it was Food Time. This can often be a slight tension between Marge & Me because she likes to rebel against my Food Puritanism. Since losing about six kilos (13 pounds) about two years ago, I've been psycho about Eating & Weight. Actually, I've always been psycho about eating but now I'm more smug about it, constantly turning my nose up at the large portions served in Californian restaurants & loudly announcing, 'I'm not eating THAT!'
Of course Marge wanted doughnuts. We settled on matso ball soup.
I loved the market which opened a tiny window into old LA for me. Here's a photo of what it looked like in the 1930s. It was on the wall at, where else but 'Starbucks'.
Later we were thrilled to find a huge 'Anthropologie' just nearby. I know it's a huge chain but we don't have it in the Land Down Under, nor do we have H&M or 'Forever 21' or 'GAP'. It's probably a good thing as I've sort of made a commitment not to buy Landfill. Marge looks like a Seniors Model in this photo taken in the Generously Proportioned Fitting Room.
We're off to the Mall to see 'Sex in the City'. Can't wait to see the friendships, the ageing & the outfits.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Greetings from LA



I've never gotten used to The Miracle of Modern Aviation. It's always amazing when I get off a plane & find I'm somewhere else entirely different. This morning I hurried off the plane & headed to the customs hall at Terminal B at LAX. I'm always worried that some nasty customs officer will take one look & me & send me back where I came from or perhaps order a Strip Search. This is my probably twenty-third visit & nothing bad has ever happened yet. It just goes to show that Old Scripts Never Die.
I'm now ensconced with my friend Marge & her family. We're showing off all their rubbish & feeling Bad, even though we're smiling. We both remember growing up in Sydney during the sixties when our fathers' put out one modest metal garbage bin maybe twice a week. Our mothers wrapped kitchen waste in newspaper, there were no bin liners, salt replaced toothpaste if we ran out & dishwashers were only seen on 'Leave it to Beaver' or 'Father Knows Best.
There were no fancy cars or lightning visits to LA for Our Mums. No wonder they looked Sour