The Tools for Enlightenment

Right, that's it, I've had it.
 I know that's not a v. friendly way to start, but I'm sure you'll understand, O Reader when I tell you that I've been trying for what seems like Hours & hours to upload loads of photos onto Nasty Blogger & it Won't Let Me. A Blank Rectangle just comes up. Is this perhaps a Metaphor for my Life, I wonder? What is Wrong?  What a shame because I had soo much to Show & Tell.
Like a photo I took today of a dog inside a parked car. And one of Me in front of some grafitti. And a photo of a Sticky Date Pudding I made.
You'll just have to Imagine them instead. Imagine your favourite dog inside a car. Imagine me in black again. Imagine a Dark Brown Pudding.

Look, above at all those beautiful bunches of Roses. Yes, you guessed it. I'm on Holidays.
Again? you may respond.
Yes, again. This time for three weeks. I'm already half way through my first week & I haven't spent any time at all Watching TV During Daylight Hours. You may think that this is a Big Plus, but for me it isn't. Certainly Not.
 My ambition is to be able to sit in front of the TV at any time of the day or nite without the slightest bit of Ennui or feelings of Hopelessness or Meaninglessness or Worst of the Worst, Guilt.
Imagine  an entire day of back-to-back episodes of 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians'  with a whole mess of Game Shows thrown in as well? I wonder if they still make 'Blankety Blanks' & 'Wheel of Fortune', which incidentally had an audience of  75 million people once upon a time.
Anyway, I'm sure if the Dalai Lama spent a day watching TV he'd feel great. And so will I.
Who would have ever thought that watching Daytime TV could be used as Tool for Enlightenment?

Here's my First Holiday Outfit. Note that it's Black. Why do I keep on feeling guilty about wearing Black? No one else does. Darla wears Guilt-Free Black. And so does Rebecca.
So how the hell  am I going to be Enlightened if I can't wear black without feeling guilty? And when am I going to stop asking all these silly rhetorical questions?
But perhaps you are answering them for me. I'd like it if you did. And then you could tell me what to think.

Important Points About #1 Holiday Outfit:
* Note I'm wearing thrifted 'Anne Klein' Mules. At least that's what I think they're called. High heels with no  backs on them. I do wonder why they're called Mules. Surely it can't be because Real Mules have feet or even hooves like that?  Anyway, they're super-convenient. All I do is yank myself  out of the Unsightly Ugg Boots & slide into the Mules & I'm ready for a latte. Or for anything really.
*Note I'm wearing loads of little dainty silver & gold necklaces which is not my usual style, but maybe it will be from now on. They were generously donated to me by a grateful student whose mother was throwing them out & then they thought of me.

Holiday Outfit #2:
More Black, but this time mixed with Grey.
Can you believe that the jacket is a real not Toy 'Valentino'? I bought it with a matching skirt which is about two sizes too small for me at 'BednobsEtc'. I can't tell you how gorgeous it is to wear & how I can totally understand why if you had loads of dough you'd only wear couture. But because I can't quite allow myself the Perfection of Wearing a Valentino, I have done a strange thing.  Here's what it is: Some time back, the middle button came off. Luckily, I saved it & placed it in a prominent position where I wouldn't lose sight of it. But then, I didn't bother sewing it back on. So, I wore it with a Big Gap where the button should be.
Holiday Treats:
1. Guiltlessly staying up  waaay past Official Bedtime.
2. Stumped.

Finally Growing Out of Cinderella

 Bonjour Mes Amis
As you can see, I'm back to greeting you in my favourite Toy Language, Franglais. This morning, as I was rushing to get ready for school, I knocked over one of my small collection of Le Tour Eiffels which perhaps has prompted this.  Or maybe it's the thought of The Looming Holidays which begin at the end of the week. Other, more glamorous Middleagedteachers  are about to head off to Exotic Locations. And I'm not.
 Luella, a fellow colleague, in so far as a Maths Teacher can be a colleague of an English Teacher,  is doing a 'Thelma & Louise' style road trip across America. I do hope that she doesn't end up like them. What would her Year 12 class do then? Quelle Horreur!

Even my students are off to places like Rome & Hawaii, making sure they stop off in Honolulu for a slice of Heaven at The Cheesecake Factory, that is, if they can get in. Apparently, it's always booked out. Who knew?
But I'm not really complaining although it certainly sounds like it. And I'm not being a victim either, although I'd love to be   because it's always been My Default Position. 
But not anymore.
How I Used to Be:
1. Poor Little Match Girl.
2. Abandoned Princess.
3. Disadvantaged Left-Hander.
4. Task Challenged Temptress.
5. All of the Above at The Same Time.

Of course, my favourite fairytale was Cinderella, the ultimate Victim Story With a Happy Ending. I totally empathised with Poor Cinders, revelling in the fact that I too, had dainty little feet, not like those Mean Oafish Stepsisters. I never had any stepsisters myself, but it always felt as if I had a whole truckload of them in my head.
My Mindless Love for Cinderella was so great that I read the story to Maeflower, my daughter, over & over again to her when she was little. Thankfully, one day I realised what I was doing & stopped reading it to her immediately. After that, I stuck to Roald Dahl. Much safer.

 Perhaps you are wondering what the pictures are. Perhaps you already know. But if you don't know, I'll tell you: They are Collages.
 A person asked me the other day what I meant by 'Collages'.
Cut Outs.
From Fashion & Decorating Magazines that I drag out of the Recycling Bin in my building or are 'given' to me by Peter from 'Zinc', my local cafe.
I love making them & make them as often as I can. I ponder about what to call them. And when I do come up with a title that works, I feel a sense of Inner Triumph.
But of course, I worry that I'll be accused of Image Theft.

Now it's time for Some Outfits. Goody Goody!!!
I do find Winter Dressing a challenge. Don't get me wrong, J'adore Winter. I love how it gets dark just after 5 which means that I can sit down &  start watching TV earlier than in summer because I have a slight rule that I shouldn't watch TV during Daylight Hours. I also like wearing my Toy Ugg Boots that my daughter bought at 'Aldi' for eight bucks. In fact, I'm wearing them now. I also don't like waking up in a lather of sweat which I often do in summer. And I like The Coziness that Only Winter Brings.
Anyway, I find Winter Dressing a challenge because I have to dress to keep warm. My classroom has a v. Nasty Heater that gets cranky when too many girls crowd around it & then  stops working for days on end. What a Sulky Withholder.
So, in all three Outfits I'm wearing almost against my will, a black scarf. I had to wear it as a measure against the cold. In the Outfit above, I'm wearing it as a Pussy Bow, just like a Young Marcel Proust who I compared myself to in my Last Post. BTW, I've never managed to read any of Proust, nor do I particularly like 'Madeleines', his favourite cake? biscuit? dainty cookie?

Meanwhile, back at The Outfit, I'm wearing a ruffled shirt. I'm always a sucker for a ruffle, which is perhaps not such a good thing as you could really look like you're wearing a Pirate Shirt, which was featured in a famous episode of  Seinfeld &  is never chic.

The next Outfit, a hardly- worn- almost- wool- suit,  by Australian Design Royalty, Lisa Ho, above, was
My Big Find last week at 'BednobsEtc'.  But looking at it just now, I'm not so sure. I'm beginning to see why the person donated it. I thought that she was just wanting to Share the Joy, but I think she was getting rid of it because it made her look a little like a Drum Majorette.

And then there's the Ruched Black Dress with the Enormous Black Flower that looks like it's growing out of my chest. OH, & that blue stripe that's down the side? An Effect of the Sun. I'm sure you'll be relieved to know that.
If I was going to The Races, which I'm not, I don't think that I'd wear any of these outfits. What a Perfect Segue to urge you to read the Wonderful Post-length Comment that Elegance Maison made in my last post. Thank you! I would love to go inside The Royal Enclosure at one of those Race Meetings, but I've got as much chance of doing that as I have of riding in the Queen's Glass Coach with her & the Duke. (Is it really called a Glass Coach, or am I thinking of 'Cinderella' again? Maybe it's called a 'Golden Coach')

I'm nearly at the end! And I'm back to more Collages. Or Cut outs if you prefer.
I'm desperate to get back to the TV & watch yet another episode of '30Rock'. I have just freshly discovered it even though its been going for years. What, Oh what, have I been doing all this time, I wonder? Clearly wasting it.
I'm sooo crazy about Liz Lemon/Tina Fey & have toyed with the idea of wanting to be her, although I believe that she's currently pregnant & I wouldn't want to go through childbirth again . In fact, I'm so crazy about Tina that I raced out & bought New at a NewBook Store a copy of her  Memoir, 'Bossypants'.  This totally goes against my 'Abundance Though Frugality' dictum of only buying books if they are in One Dollar basket at 'BednobsEtc'.
I'm also crazy about Alec Baldwin. This started a while ago after I watched the Perfect Middleagedteacher Film, It's Complicated, in which  he starred in with Meryl Streep, who I've almost convinced myself that I resemble. And not just because we share the same hair colour.
I just love the way that Alec talks in that breathy way, which I believe Tina mocks in a later episode that I'm not up to yet. In fact, I love just about everything about him. And..... MBFF's son in America is in his daughter's class at school. I'm desperate for them to become Besties. And then perhaps I could meet Alec. But then, what would I say to him? I mean, what do you say to a Celebrity? I'm your biggest fan. Lame. Perhaps Stalker.
I'll just have to be more like the Sassy Dame, below.

Not Promising Far More Than I Can Deliver

 OMG! It is at the v. tail end of The Queen's Birthday Long Weekend & I haven't done a Blog Entry.
And if I don't, I know I'll feel Slightly Empty. Perhaps I may slide onto The Wrong Side of Ennui.
But......it's less than 45 minutes before my Official Designated Bedtime.
Quelle horreur, What can I do?
I'm just going to type like the wind & tell you the first thing that's in my head. No holds bar. Or is it, 'Holds Barred'? What a v. odd expression. It must be nautical.
Anyway, look above. Yes, its a cupcake. In fact, it was a cupcake that I eventually ate after I photographed it, of course.
Have you noticed that cupcakes are  one of those foods that Promise Far More Than They Deliver?
They look so Sweet & Adorable as they sit on a plate together. You can almost hear them all tweet 'Pick Me! Pick Me!' in unison, just like Donkey, my favourite character in Shrek.
And then  when you do pick one it's Not That Great. Perhaps a little dry. A bit like eating Sweet Sand.

Warning Warning! Garbled Recipe to Follow.
I would much rather eat my Bread & Butter Pudding that I've been making for my regular Sunday Nite Dinners for Tyler & Hunter & Carlotta.  I'm absolutely gagging to tell you the recipe that I now know off by heart because I've been making it so often lately. I make it with Raisin bread  Cut into Diamonds which is liberally buttered with butter mixed with cinnamon & nutmeg & brown sugar & then weirdly arranged in a deep dish with five eggs & one yolk & a carton of cream & a dash of milk & some vanilla essence & some more brown sugar poured all over it & then baked in the oven at 180c until golden brown.
I can't believe I just gave you the whole recipe then so quickly. It must be in influence of  The Food Channel.

I have just been watching what appears to be a new episode of 'Nigella Bites'.
As usual, I'm entranced with her beauty, specifically her Eyebrows. They deserve a Show of their Own.
It could be called 'Nigella's Eyebrows'.
But I'm also Slightly Disgusted. It's a Complete Festival of Gluttony, which I'm sure is still one of The Seven Deadly Sins, although I did hear that they've recently been considered  a Little Old Hat or lame.  I mean, who's heard of the word, 'Avarice' lately?
And can you actually rattle off all of them? Go on, I dare you.
Anyway,  Nigella loves nothing more than to make enormous vats of hugely cream laden dishes which she then proceeds to shovel  down as soon as she cooks them . And then at the end of the show, it's back to the fridge before Bedtime to grab another huge portion of 'Toad in the Hole'  washed down with 'Tiramisu.
It's like she's daring her Arteries to Harden.
But then again, how can I talk when I've got a whole Hennery's worth of eggs & a huge vat of cream in my 'Bread & Butter Pudding'?

Spinelli On Toast.
Here's some recent entries from My English Teacher's Wardrobe Diary. As usual, everything is from 'Bednobs & Broomsticks', my favourite Charity Shoppe.
Above, I'm wearing a new vintage 'Spinelli' 100% wool cardi/jacket.
'Spinelli' was a high- end brand of Italian knitwear that one of my school friends mother's (OMG, have I got enough apostrophes back there? Should I have put in another one after the 's' in 'friends'?) often paraded around in back in the Early Sixties. The mother, Mrs. L,  had shoulder length bleached blonde hair that kicked up at the ends like Patty Duke in The Patty Duke Show & drove an Enormous Pontiac Parisienne. Her tiny orthopaedic surgeon husband drove a compact 'Carmen Ghia' like he was Mr. Magoo. It was a terrifying experience driving with him. But I clearly survived.
I've Chanelled-Up the Cardi (have I created a New Verb here, I wonder? Hurrah! if I have!) by piling on a whole mess of Pearls from the 'Fruits de Mer' section of my Jewellry Wardrobe.

 Next, is another 'Spinelli' Cardi/Jacket.
But I must say that I had a Slightly Unnerving Experience wearing it this week.
I was standing in the staffroom at recess chatting when Edith, a gamin strawberry blonde  teacher sidled up to me & stared at the bottom button of the cardi. TAfter a short pause she informed me that in fact I was wearing her old cardi which she'd donated to 'BednobsEtc' some time back. She knew definitely that it was hers because she had replaced the left bottom button with a Rogue Button.
What can you say when someone tells you something like that?
My reaction is to always ask, What Would The Queen Mother Say if she was alive, that is?
BTW, I do like the Pussy Bow that I'm wearing. Recently, I was inspecting a photograph of Marcel Proust as a child & in the photo, he was also wearing a Pussy Bow. I was thrilled. But I'm certainly NOT going to take it too far by copying the rest of what Marcel was wearing. I would look silly in half-mast pants.

 Can you believe that I'm wearing yet another 'Spinelli' creation?
This time, it's another 100% pure wool dress that sadly has got a couple of small moth holes in it. But I'm determined to keep wearing it even though it does make me look a little like a canary.
The Car Coat (don't you love that expression? It's straight out of my Mother's Mouth in 1959) has wonderful red lining & it's 'Scanlan & Theodore' which is Australian Fashion Royalty.
 Speaking of Royalty, I topped it off with my favourite 'Toy Burberry' Scarf.
Speaking more of Royalty, I must confess that I'm spending a little too much time oggling at pictures of the Freshly Minted Duchess of Cambridge AKA, Kate Middleton.
This week, I've seen her in the carriage & in The Enclosure at Royal Ascot, at The Trooping of the Colour & at Prince Phillip's 90th Birthday. It's exhausting. I'm also looking at the sister wearing perhaps white pants at perhaps Wimbledon which I think is taking the whole Royal Watching Thing a bit too far.
It's Princess Diana & Fergie all over again for me, I'm afraid.
I do hope that no one would tell me to 'Get a Life'. What a Silly Saying anyway. We all have a Life whether we like it or not.

 Here's me above, on the lookout for More Photos of The Junior Members of the British Royal Family.

 It's now 10.45. I am so late for bed & now possibly soo wound up that I may not be able to get to sleep. So, I'll have to leave you guessing as to what the photo is above. If you look hard you may find: 1. Jane, my first doll, 2. My first shoes 3. A Royal Coach, 4. Pinochio 5. Coral from Magnetic Island 6. A Mexican Orchestra 7. My father's trophies from the 1930s. 8. birds from 'Top Dollar'. 9. Wooden heads from New Guinea 10. Toy Soldiers.

Thank you to Rebecca &amp ReaderRita &; Darla & Zizzi for your lovely comments from last time. They warmed the Cockles of My Heart. Perhaps another Nautical Term.

When The Ugly Cry Brings Out The Best Self

Look above, Dear Reader.
That's how my life has been like over the past couple of weeks.
 Yes, A Blizzard. An Emotional Blizzard. And you may well ask which  one of  the three characters I am. I'm the one in the middle, cowering into the shoulder of the other girl.
 Oh, how I wish I could be more like Little Karl Lagerfeld who,when asked by an interviewer if he was nervous about an impending runway show said, 'I don't have any emotions. I have the mentality of a Professional Killer'.

Happy Penguins.
Or maybe I could take Jim Carrey's advice & get a couple of Pet Penguins. He should know, because he's just starred alongside Real, Not Computer-Generated Ones in his latest movie, which looks like a Nasty Stinker, BTW. Anyway, after he made the movie Jim said, 'It's impossible to be unhappy whilst in the company of penguins'.
Of course, I was intrigued & immediately wanted to rush out & get some. Sadly, I wouldn't be able to afford the Air Conditioning Costs necessary for keeping Penguins because they require Sub- Arctic conditions in order to survive.
I wonder it Karl could live in Sub-Arctic conditions? It seems that his Heart already does.

 Can you guess which character I am in the picture above? Of course, I'm the blond with the plaits. I always identify with Blondes, either Real or Fake. Except perhaps Marilyn.
Who in God's name would want to identify with all that misery & loneliness? Anna Nicole Smith did, & look what happened to her?
But for now, I'd rather say that Thank God I have Good friends that I can sit at the foot of their beds, or more accurately, sit across the table in the cafe, or in the staffroom or on the phone or on an email & whinge & whine to.. Marge & AJ & Trixie & Sue & The Ex-School Nurse & Maud. And not forgetting my precious Maeflower.
Oh God, I hope I'm not sounding too maudlin. Quelle Horreur! I certainly don't feel that way. It's saturday nite & I've got a fresh 'Fashion Police' to watch & another sumptuously steaming bowl of freshly made Chicken Soup to shovel in. I've already had one bowl, but it's Not Quite Enough.
(BTW, I am mildly shocked at the number of times I've referenced 'God' in this post. Clearly, I'm in need of some Divine Assistance)

Our Best Selves.
Last week & this week turned out to be  Big Weeks. Not only did I survive an Emotional Blizzard & attend The World's Biggest Morning Tea to aid Breast Cancer Research, but I also cried buckets over Oprah.
I just couldn't stop.
And I hardly ever watched her show. God knows what I would have been like if I was A Regular.
As soon as I turned the TV on, I started weeping.  By the time, Poor Sick Queen Aretha  came on to belt out 'Amazing Grace', I thought that I would have to blow  into a paper bag to prevent  Hyperventilating with Grief.
Apparently, Oprah coined the phrase, 'The Ugly Cry', which is the cry you have when you are Seriously Boo-Hooing.  I must say that I was shocked by my reaction, as I usually only   indulge  in a  Dainty Cry which  merely involves silent  tears mixed with a mild frown.  Perhaps some red blotches. A Slight down turned mouth in extreme circumstances.
Hopefully, an Ugly Cry  is Youth Regenerating. If it is, I'd certainly indulge in it more often. In fact, it could become part of my Beauty Regimen.

But my favourite part of the finale was a segment featuring a young female high school teacher  in her classroom. She told us that she'd used Oprah's shows countless times over the years with her students to teach such diverse topics as The Civil Rights Movement, Terrorism, How to Keep a Gratitude Journal,  High School Shootings & How to Ensure Your Poop is 'S 'Shaped (or is it 'L' shaped?) I have never taught any of those topics . But I did suddenly remember what I  use from Oprah.
It was the idea of Your Best Self.
Some years ago, I had an lack lustre Year Nine Class. They were surly, lazy & charmless. They resented picking up a pen. When I suggested that we read 'Romeo & Juliet', they would ask, 'Can't we just watch the movie?' I dreaded going to class.
Then one day I walked in & calmly said that I wanted everyone to be  'Your Best Selves, you know, like in 'Oprah'.
 A strange thing happened.  Just about everyone stopped lying all over their desks. They sat up,  spines straight as a ramrod. They opened their books.  I smiled & instructed them to turn to The Balcony Scene.
I've used 'Best Self' many many times since then & it's amazing. It works every time. Even on me. You know they say that We Teach Best What We Need to Learn Most.

T

The Inner Wolf.
Look look above. Unlike its author, this post has a mind of its own. It won't let me type under the drawing of a wolf. And I'm too fearful to delete that annoying 'T' that's next to the photo of me in a Real not Fake 'Calvin Klein' dress in case it deletes the photo as well.
Anyway, I wanted to show you the Wolf. I drew it on the whiteboard this week after faithfully reproducing it from a picture on Google Images. I made everyone copy it into their books because we're studying a novel called 'Wolf'.
What more of an excuse do you need to draw a Wolf than that?
After the girls had finished copying it, I walked around & looked at their work. To my mild surprise, No One Wolf was alike. Everyone had unwittingly drawn themselves as a Wolf.
I'm not sure what the point of this story is, or if in fact there needs to be A Point. Perhaps I could conclude that we all have an Inner Wolf inside that is just like us but Hairy.
OH, I just remembered that book from the Nineties -  Women Who Run With the Wolves.  I wonder if you remember it?
I think it re-interpreted fairy tales so that the Females in them could all come out looking kind of Brave & Warrior-Like. And possibly showing how much they were done over by Men. But I'm not too sure about it. All I know is that I rather liked the idea of running with Wolves as long as they didn't eat me.

It's Always Fun Until Someone Loses An Eye.
Thankfully, the Blog Post  is now allowing  me to type between the last two photos. Thank You Blogger. If I had a gratitude journal, I would definitely include this in it.
I'm desperate to finish & get back to the TV. I must must find out what Sharon Stone said about Joan Rivers. And what the panel thought about Snooki's neck brace & matching Hairy Mammoth Boots.
Click on the link & have a look yourself.
But before I go, have a look at my Jewels from last week. In the photo above, I'm wearing a mess of cream bangles with text all over them that says things like 'Find Your Passion'. You can hardly see them so I urge you to double click on the image for a better look. I promise you won't be disappointed.

I'm not so sure about the  jewels, below. They could be a little Too Violent & Unsettling. But I did enjoy wearing them & particularly loved entwining the glomesh snake around the spikes of the bangle. Oh, you'll be relieved to note that I didn't poke my eye out or injure myself in any way when wearing them.

The Best Little Market Stall Not in Texas.

 Hello & Welcome to Me.
I'm slightly disappointed with this greeting because I've used it before & I like to think that I can come up with a Different Greeting every time. Sadly, it appears that I can't, so I'll just have to press on regardless.

Today's topic is: The Best Little Market Stall Not in Texas. For some reason I again feel Slightly Disappointed that I didn't give you any advance notice that it was on. It would have been such fun to have slowly built up the excitement over a period of weeks, or perhaps even months so that you'd be Quivering with Anticipation (to quote 'Rocky Horror Picture Show')  to hear a Blow-by-Blow Description of The Stall & be walked through the Inevitable Cavalcade of Photos.
So, let's cut to the chase & get down to business & any other Cliche that I can think of while we're at it.
Look above. You can see that I shared the stall (actually it was 3 stalls) with The Ex-School Nurse & her daughter Guinevere. Here is Mother & Daughter below wearing french stripes. I feel that they were both channelling Emanuelle Alt or whatever her name is from 'French Vogue'. I, on the other hand was channelling Sharon Stone in the movie Casino.

ATTENTION:  I just unwittingly deleted the photo of Guinevere & The Ex-School Nurse  that was meant to go HERE. I'm now more than Mildly Irritated but far too tired to put it back in. Anyway, I wouldn't know how to position it back in its rightful place.  So, just imagine a stylish mother & daughter happily smiling at the camera both wearing French style striped tops.



 We always choose to go the same market. Rozelle Market. I think it's the best market in Sydney. Of course I've formed this opinion without bothering to attend any other market, so I guess you can say that this is an Uniformed Decision. But then, so many of my decisions (& perhaps yours too) are Uniformed.
One of my Lesser Life Rules is to Never Bother Researching Anything.  It saves loads of time & you have the thrill & excitement of never knowing how anything is going to turn out until it's over.
Market Gripes
But maybe, just this once,  we should have investigated some other markets perhaps in more Upmarket Areas because one thing that really got up my goat was The Haggling. And the pointing out of a nasty stain on a skirt, or that the inside of a handbag smelt of mould. Or the fact that a pair of leather boots with a $5 price tag would need at least fifteen  bucks worth of re-heeling. Quelle Horreur!
And why don't people buy Brown Clothes? I had one Perfectly Wonderful brown 'Kate Sylvester' dress & one Perfectly Reasonable 'Zara Basic' brown dress that perhaps two hundred women picked up during the course of the day. Some of them inquired the price. And all of them put the dresses down after a closer inspection. If you are one of those people who Eschew Brown, you honestly don't know what you're missing.

In spite of the above, we had a great day. And lots of colourful customers. Like the lady above who wore a large Kimono with a Wild Goose or a Turkey in full flight on the back. Maybe it was a Swan. She had on these amazing shoes that were full of Deliberate Holes & seemed to be made from a fibre that Astronauts might wear on an important Space Mission. The Ex-School Nurse  recognised the shoes as soon as she clapped eyes on them & became excited. And I think she declared that she wanted some.
Of course, I was in Two Minds as I'm now a Total Convert to High Heels. But I'd be interested if  they make a Stiletto Version.

 I was thrilled that the same lady whose name I now can't remember generously submitted her hands for a photo. I just loved her collection of Blue Rings, particularly the luminous Blue Watch Ring.

 This young lady caught my eye. I loved everything about her look including a little gold stud  (or was it a diamond?) that was positioned in the middle of one of her front teeth.

 Christina, is an artist & a filmaker, who literally glowed. Guinevere caught a glimpse of her elaborate Headpiece & pointed her out to me as a possible subject. I chased after her & breathlessly asked to take her photo & she graciously accepted. In fact, everyone I asked this time accepted. Thank you.
I would like to wear Elaborate Headpieces myself, but I fear that they might interfere with The Slightly Slutty look I'm currently going for.  Besides, I feel that Headwear accentuates my nose & makes me look a little Canary-like, but  Not Toucan-like.

 I've always admired The Alice Band. Years ago, I made a number of fruitless attempts at wearing them. But they always slid down my skull. But this lady, who owns 'Recycled Rags' in Neutral Bay, wears it perfectly. The wonderful blue necklace that looks like Prehistoric Rocks from perhaps The Neon Age create a dramatic effect with the Red lipstick. That's another thing that I can't wear. Red Lipstick. But I intensely admire it on others.
In fact, you know how I'd ideally like to look?
Like Dusty Springfield  in the Sixties. Acres of  Aeronautically Designed Bleached Blonde Ringlets, false eyelashes, black eyeliner & pale lipstick. What a knockout.

 I'm getting near the end & of course I'm getting a Bit Tired. I'm desperate to get into bed & listen to Olivia Newton John singing 'Phenomenal Woman' on my iPod. It's my new favourite song. The lyrics are from the poem, 'Phenomenal Woman' by Maya Angelou.
So, I'll now write in Point Form:
* Loved the Slightly 'Flintstones' Look of the beautiful girl above.
* Had a great time.
* Sold lots, although not everything.
* Bought dress, below from Ex-School Nurse.
* Desperate to wear it.
* Didn't wear heels to market. Had to Be Sensible.
*Still had sore feet at the end of the day.

I Didn't Mean To Hurt You, I'm Just a Left Handed Woman

 

 Hello O Reader.
I feel somewhat tentative because I offended Someone & had to delete the post that featured them.
They said that what I said about them was Defamatory & that I must come home at nite & down a few glasses of wine & then start writing the blog.
I was shocked & mortified. I quaked in my boots. I protested loudly that I Don't Drink & Blog. And, I felt stupid that I didn't really fully understand the Defamation Laws.
One good thing, though. I now understand how a Celebrity feels when they say or do Something Inappropriate & people get mad at them & then accuse them of  Substance Abuse. I could just see myself being photographed entering the courthouse for the Great Defamation Trial wearing a Slightly Slutty Dress not unlike the one that Lindsay Lohan wore for her  recent trial.
But you'll be pleased to know that this Whole Awful Experience has not deterred me from putting  people on the blog. See how I've put my friend The Ex-School Nurse on it?  Here she is outside a v. interesting shop in Waterloo that we visited on Saturday as part of a Massive Shopping Odyssey.
Have you noticed how popular The Union Jack is as a Design Statement? It's almost as ubiquitous as 'Keep Calm & Carry On'. And Burberry Patterns.  I'm sure it's a Worldwide phenomenon. Next time you venture outdoors, look around you. I'm sure wherever you are, even if you are in Alice Springs, there's bound to be  someone who has a  little Bit of Burberry peaking out from somewhere on their person. Or they're carrying a Burberry umbrella. Or a handbag.
I could go on & on listing all the products that feature a Burberry pattern & I could even make a guestimate as to the total number of Real & Counterfeit Burberry Patterned Items that are currently in World Usage. But I won't. OK... I'll guess the number: One & a quarter billion.  I just know that I'm right.

 Oddly enough, I was wearing  Toy Burberry on saturday, along with a 'Jaegar' pure wool cardigan with Patrician gold buttons that belongs to the 'Aileen' part of my wardrobe, named after recently deceased 97 year old Aileen, whose clothes & 'Ferragamo' bag I currently have on High Rotation.
You may notice that my Top & Bottom are Incongruous: The Top part of me looks like Polo (the game, not the brand) Matron, 1985 & the Bottom Half looks Punk Rocker Wannabe 1985. Note the curious zipper at the bottom of my footless tights. BTW, I'm now wearing high heels as often as I can. So far, I can still Walk. Or more accurately, Totter. Or Teeter.

 On Saturday, we also visited 'Extinct', the perhaps Seconds Shop of  'Dinosaur Designs'. I am in love with the colours & made a mental note to stop wearing so much black.After all, my current Fashion Crush is Anna Della Russo who looks like a Male Peacock at all times, even straight after breakfast.
As I look down at what I'm currently wearing, most of it is black, although I've got a silver & black thrifted 'Bluemarine' skirt  on which sounds a bit Nightclubby for a Day at School.

Below is Guinevere, who is photographed behind the counter at 'Extinct'. I was totally fascinated by her Japanese Kimono Style which she effortlessly blended with select 'Dinosaur' pieces.

Lastly, we visited 'Tea Parlour', an old fashioned Tea Room in Elizabeth Street Surry Hills.
I thoroughly enjoyed it & feel sad that Rebecca & Darla & Zizzi & Janavi  etc  can't visit it because I'm sure they'd appreciate the ambience as well as the Magnificent Quince tea that was served to us in a v. grand silver teapot.
I am constantly amazed at how smells & tastes can be transported to candles & tea & soap & bubble gum & lip gloss.  I'm still wondering how the hell can you stuff the smell of the Hall of Mirrors at the Palais de Versailles into a little scented candle?

 But I digress. Back to the script.
'Tea Parlour' was full of little still lifes. Or is it 'Still Lives'?
Presiding over the Tea Pouring was a gigantic stuffed Male Peacock whose gargantuan plumes enveloped the whole place. Now, that's the second time I've mentioned Male Peacocks in the one post. Clearly, just like Aileen's clothes,  they're on High Rotation right now.
But the stand out for me were the little clusters of Faux Fleurs that filled every orifice - from empty bottles of 'Veuve Cliquot' to beer bottles to Retro Enamel kettles to grand silver chalices.  Seriously, they totally looked like Real Fleurs. But Amelia, the gracious proprietor, assured me that they came from Go-Lo, which is incidentally one of my favourite shops. Of course, I went there yesterday & bought a whole mess of them for my own 'Still Lives'.

Time to go, but before I do, please read 'Reader Rita's comment in the previous post about Steamers. It's worth it. Also got to post a pic of me in my DVF Wrap Dress.
Oh......one more thing. I desperately hope I haven't Offended Anyone. If I have, I Sincerely Apologise. And I apologise for all those Careless Throwaway Comments that I've made over the years.  I didn't mean it. I'm just a Left Handed Woman.

Meanwhile, In the Hall of Mirrors..

Watch While I Wrestle a Nasty Boa Constrictor.
It's Saturday Nite & for what seems like hours, I've been Unsatisfactorily Channel Surfing. I'm worn ragged from being tossed from One Lousy Show to the Next.
What, O What, am I doing watching 'I Own Britain's Best Home'?
FYI,  each week three Smugly Perky presenters walk us through three British Houses. Like a 300 year old Thatched Cottage with a massive Spa & Home Theatre in the middle of it or a Stately Ancestral home that's drowning in flock wallpaper & pelmets.    At the end of the show, viewers get to vote for their favourite house of the week which will compete in the final show of the season with all the other houses that have been voted for.
I sincerely hope I've explained all that to you clearly enough.
At least I'm not like my parents. When they were my age, they were sitting around in their lounge room sipping scotch & sodas, watching 'Wild Kingdom' & listening to Al Martino records.
I wonder if anyone remembers that show & that singer?
I hardly do. But  I remember that 'Wild Kingdom' was a sunday nite staple that seemed to go on & on for years & years. Like my Entire Childhood & Adolescence & Early Adulthood. As soon as I'd hear the presenter, Marlin Perkins say off camera, 'Watch while Jim (the other presenter) wrestles with this nasty boa constrictor,' I'd leave the room. 
From Beyond the Grave.
I'd do the same when they dragged out the Al Martino records. The only song of his I can remember was Mum's favourite - 'I Love You & Don't You Forget It'. She'd get Dad to play that song over & over. I had completely forgotten it  until the other day. I was trying on a fab Diane Von Furstenberg wrap dress in the change room at 'Bednobs' & right at the moment when I looked at myself in the mirror, it came on the radio.
It was just like Mum was there only she wasn't.
I'm not sure if I believe in that sort of thing, although I do know that she would have loved the DVF Wrap Dress. So did I. So I bought it. You'll see it eventually if you bother hanging around long enough. But not until the next post at the v. earliest.
Not a Crime Against Noses.
Anyway, talking of Totally Fab & Wonderful Things, look look look at me above & below, fondling two beautiful gifts that I received from my great friend & colleague, Trixie Drew.
In case you were wondering, they are Both Candles, made by Cire Trudon, a 268 year old Candle Manufacturer who made candles for Marie-Antoinette who, incidentally is not one of my Role Models . Below, I'm holding a plain wax candle made in the shape of M-A. Of course I will never light it. I will just admire it.
But I've certainly lit the other candle. In fact, as I type, my olfactory glands are greedily soaking up  the gentle aroma of the wooden floors of the Hall of Mirrors at the Palais de Versailles
I kid you not. Who would have thought you could turn the smell of a room into a scented candle?
And the wonderful thing is, there isn't a hint of vanilla or cinnamon or perhaps pine or even the ocean in it, which I think are the most repellent smells that a scented candle can produce
. In fact, they are all Crimes Against Noses.


BTW, I'm wearing a recently thrifted 'Jaegar' Jacket that sadly is a bit big on the shoulders. Perhaps it is a relic from the eighties. I'm not sure, but I'm determined to wear it. I was sooo thrilled when I noted a new double page ad for 'Jaegar' in a recent UK 'Vogue'. I felt Quietly Reassured that I am part of the Zeitgeist after all.

Crumpled But Never Ruffled.
I've never been An Ironer. My mother simply wouldn't let me. I was left-handed & everything I did looked kind of wrong or Dangerous to her. So I don't iron. This much is obvious in the photo below. I'm synchronistically standing in front of a little drawing I did for my Year 10 class when one student  pronounced 'Irony' like Iron with a double 'e' at the end. You may notice that my fab little thrifted 'Scanlan & Theodore' jacket is Badly in Need of an Iron.
Apparently, the new thing is to own a Steamer which has got nothing to do with Vegetables. I was told this morning by the volunteer sales assistant at 'Bednobs' that you can buy them for as little as forty dollars on eBay, but if you buy them anywhere else, they can be over a hundred.
I May, repeat, May consider investing in one.
BTW, no one bothered to mention to me that my jacket was crumpled. I guess everyone I work with or teach is too polite or too bored to tell me.

 Maeflower, my beautiful daughter paid me a surprise visit over Easter. She bought me oodles of Easter Eggs & Bunnies, so I didn't have an Eggless Easter after all. As usual, we had a fab time & lots of laughs which is the only way I think that I can respond to my Life right now, or perhaps ever.
She brought her wonderful new camera with her which made my camera look like a toy. We spent an entire day photographing everything in sight, including the view on my rooftop. On the one side is the city, with the Centrepoint Tower in the middle & then there's the Harbour Bridge.
BTW, Maeflower is wearing a splendid dress from 'Tree O' Life'. Her necklace is Nepalese from her recent trip there. Oh, & she's wearing wonderful Italian leather gladiators that I generously donated to her.

 Below are three A4-size collages I've just made.

I used to suffer badly from Insomnia. It was a Nightmare.
And now I don't hardly at all.
I was totally gripped with fear when I heard on the news about this man in Italy  whose body suddenly decided that it was Done Sleeping. Sadly, he died after about a month. That story motivated me to Get Serious About Sleeping.
And it's kind of Paid off.

Above, a Homage to Michael Jackson.

Above, my contribution to the Latest Scientific Theory.

Lastly, here's a couple of Weekend Outfits. Above is my 'Inspector Gadget' look. I'm wearing it with thermal footless tights in my favourite animal print bought last year at 'Target'. Thrifted 'Bruno Maglis' & some cheap No Name Scarf.
Below is a 'Corporate Lumberjack' look. I've always been a sucker for cozy plaid flannelette, even though it has Bogan Overtones. The Business Jacket is by 'H&M'. We don't have 'H&M' in Australia & we've only just got our first 'Zara'. Big Whoop. But of course it's all thrifted anyway. Oh, & I've got a rather strange brooch on featuring a bejewelled plastic peacock which rather looks like a dinosaur.
Totally past My Official Weekend Bedtime.