Monday, July 26, 2010

No Birkins, but Plenty of Op-Shop

The School Newspaper wants another column. I promised them for the next edition I would talk about Why I Would Never Buy a Birkin. What a stupid topic. Let me walk you through why :
1. Most students wouldn't have a clue what a Birkin is. They MAY think that it is something to do with Female Muslim Headwear which it certainly isn't.
2. In case you don't know, a Birkin is a large, v. dowdy handbag made by luxury designer brand, Hermes. I just adore saying 'Hermes'. I use my Best Franglais, pronouncing it 'Ermaze' instead of the more workmanlike 'Hermees'. It shows that I'm In the Know.
3. The 'Birkin' bit comes from the Francophile singer & actress Jane Birkin. God knows why they named the bag after her. It doesn't look anything like her.
4. Tyler,my stepson informs me that no-on under 45 should even consider wearing anything or buying anything from 'Hermes'. Far too Dowdy.
5. The real reason why I would Never Buy a Birkin is because I couldn't afford the $100,000 it MIGHT cost to buy a Birkin, which might be the cost of the Red Alligator Bag, not the ordinary, garden variety type.

Anyway, Newspaper Editors - Maddison, Sophie & Alex, perhaps disregard the above.
I think what I am about to type next is More Appropriate. And you know that I'm Nothing if not Appropriate.
Op Shop Parade & Stall.
I'm soo excited. In fact I'm soo excited that I'm misspelling 'so'. If I am your teacher, don't think that it is OK to spell like this because it isn't.
Anyway, I'm excited because the Op Shop Fashion Parade & Stall is coming up in Week 5.
I am relying on YOU, dear students to open your Overcrowded Wardrobes & remove any items that you haven't worn for six months. Remember the rule: if you haven't worn it in six months, you're Never Going to Wear It.
Carefully place each Unwanted Item in a bag & bring it in to me. I will reward you with a big smile & a hearty thank you. You can then feel good because you've not only cleaned out your wardrobe to make way for the new, but you've done your bit for charity. Yes, this is all for charity, girls!
If you wish to take part in the Parade, come to the Drama Room in Garcia, thursday lunchtime. Everyone wants to be stylist. Or a make up person. V. few want to be Models.
We NEED MODELS regardless of age, height & size. It will be such fun. Our Professional Make Up Artists will apply make up to you & perhaps do your hair in an interesting way. I will take your photo.

I would love to bang on about how buying Used Clothing is a Wonderful Guilt Free Shopping Experience because its cheap & it reduces your carbon footprint as well as making you feel all warm & fussy because you're donating to Charity. But I can't be bothered.
Perhaps, O Editors - Maddie et al, you can add this last bit yourselves. Feel free to use whatever image you like.


Rebecca said...

The upcoming Op Shop Fashion Parade & Stall is such a splendid endeavor. I am SO excited I, too, may misspell a word or two.

Sadly, the Expense of Travel prohibits me from spending my lunch hour with You and the Girls that day.

I hope the editors "carpe ideum" and Run Wildly with it!

Della Street Dreaming said...

thanks Rebecca! I'm always on a v. tight deadline with the School Newspaper & if I'm late, which I was today, I get lots of eye-rolling & ironic nods, if that makes sense.

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SofiaAmbrosia said...

yup, they called the Birkin a "Kelly Bag" in the movie Le Divorce with Naomi Watts...cute movie (and bag!)

janavi said...

I think the bag was designed for Birkin because she was seen on a plane, by the Hermes designer/ CEO, whatever, and she was carrying a straw bag. And he thought she needed a "real" bag, so he designed a more youthful version of the Kelley.

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