It's Raining Thrift! Hallelujah!

I've gone Totally Overboard on my New Slightly Slutty Look. In fact, I've become so stuck on it that it's affected my usually Impeccable Judgement. 

This morning I breezed into the staffroom & found my colleagues gathered around Our Leader, The Head of English. We all love her.  I'm not saying this to suck up or anything because I absolutely know she doesn't read this. She's far too busy.  

Her rather classic & understated style is often amped up by the addition of an Indian pashmina or an interesting piece of statement jewellry. 

But this morning, The Head of English had her ash blonde shoulder length hair out, not tied behind with a clip. It also looked  Blow-Dried. Straight.

'Ah', I began, 'I can see that you too are Embracing Slightly Slutty.'

The Head of English stared at me.  My colleagues collectively Snorted.

I scurried back to my desk.

 

My Best Friend Marge has been following my Ascent into Slightly Slutty & has filled  me with Praise. She thinks the key to it is definitely The Shoes. Marge quotes The Wise, ObiOneCanobi from 'Star Wars', Sir Alec Guinness who said that he always established a character from the shoes up & that once he got them right, it was plain sailing!

I wonder what shoes he wore in 'Star Wars'? I imagine grey felt Moroccan Slippers , that were slightly turned up at the end like Elf  shoes. 

Talking of shoes, look above at my Italian Leather boots I bought at 'Bednobs & Broomsticks' thrift shop on saturday. I honestly can't believe the truckloads of stuff I've been getting lately.   

Oh, by the way, everything I'm wearing, including the cute 'Pringle' man's zip-up cardigan was also from 'Bednobs'.

Of course I believe that My Poor Dead Mother is somehow or other cosmically arranging for these items to be coming my way. 

I know that sounds nutty, but I've always thought that Mum, who died over two decades ago, is watching over me & helping me. Since Mr Ex-Middleaged left, I've asked her so many times to help me. And I feel that her main area of help at present is in My Appearance. She was always obsessed with how I looked, so it kind of makes sense. And what's a little strange is, that although she certainly wouldn't have gone along with Slightly Slutty, she certainly thought that the key to an outfit was The Shoes.

Before I finish, I must draw your attention to the earrings in the first photo. And thank, fellow teacher, sandrabollocks for sending them to me as a birthday gift. 

Abundance

Another Update - Slightly Slutty

Remember I said that my posts this weeks have a theme - Updates? And then I updated you on Mr Ex-Middleaged kind of & then on my Abundance Through Frugality Life Project?

Now it's time to update you on my Slightly Slutty Project. 

For some months now I realised that I wanted to Change My Image.

 Que? you may  ask. 

Well, now that I'm single, I decided that it was time to Set My Chickens Free or maybe Peddle My Papayas while I've still got any. 

Besides, I was getting a little worried that I was looking Bagladyesque, if that makes sense. Or a little Too Eccentric or perhaps  like I was Permanently Dressed in Fancy Dress. None of those labels interest me at all, although in my last post I confessed that I sometimes like to dress as a Scottish Woman or a Trekkie. That was a Total Lie. The closest I would  ever get to Dressing Scottish would be to wear a tartan scarf, never a kilt, particularly a pleated one with a large safety pin hanging off it. Nor would I dress as a Trekkie, unless I managed to get my hands on some Sixties Courreges or Pierre Cardin Space Age Wear. But, I've got as much chance of scoring any of that stuff than I have of being invited to go on the next Space Shuttle.

So, I decided that I'd start looking Slightly Slutty. 

This was a challenge. How can a Middleagedwoman do this? 

For a start, in my view, there's nothing worse than women my age showing any flesh at all, particularly their Bosoms. Every time I see Large Swathes of Mammary Gland out on show, I recoil in horror & almost have to physically restrain myself from shouting out 'Put those Girls Away!' 

About the only part of my body that I feel reasonably comfortable revealing are my Finely Turned Ankles &  calves. For some reason, it appears that that part of me has Forgotten to Age like the rest of me, although maybe that's because I haven't been looking at them with my glasses on lately. 

But please don't think that I'm full of Mid-Life Self-Loathing. Or that I've got the Body Awareness of an Anorexic. In fact, I'm full of gratitude for having this body. And also that over the past three years I've lost nine, maybe ten kilos - around eighteen pounds.

Now that we've cleared that one up, back to Slutty. By the way, in my staffroom we've got a number of terms for it, curiously all starting with the Letter 'S'   - Slapper is everyone's favourite, but I personally like 'Slurry'. Of course, like when Gay People call themselves 'Queer', we're  Reclaiming these words as Our Own.

A Vital Ingredient for Slutty is definitely Footwear. 

You can't trudge around in Elf Shoes or Sensible Shoes, although the Australian Style Invention, The Ugg Boot, a disgusting creme furry flat heeled boot that makes women look like they've got Incredibly Fat Sheep's Legs, is the exception to that rule. Ugg Boots, worn with Denim Skirts that were so short that they skimmed the Panty line, were Popular Trailer Trash Chic a couple of years ago, & in some circles may still be in Vogue. 

But I'm not sure that Slightly Slutty & Trailer Trash are in the same Venn Diagram.

So, I decided that I had to start wearing heels. Not the Towering Inferno type, like the ridiculous Golden Torturers that I noticed Kate Hudson wearing at the Time 100 Most Influential Dinner this week . No No & NO.

I think Mid-Heels are enough to create the right effect. Notice my thrifted Midnight Blue 'Ballys' in the photo above. I think that they do the trick.

Anyway, this afternoon, I got the Ultimate Accolade from my friend & colleague, Trixie Drew. Over pea & ham soup at lunch she said, 'You know, in that outfit, you don't look just Slightly Slutty.' And then later in class, a couple of my Year 9's looked at me in amazement & said, 'Ms Middleagedteacher - you look really great today'. 

I knew I was on the Right Track.

It's an Update Kind of Week

Being an English Teacher, I'm always looking for Themes. 

Maybe I'm biased, but to me Death is the most popular theme in English literature. I guess it's what we've all got in common with each other.

 I often like to Dress Thematically, you know like a Scottish Person or a Trekkie or something. Sometimes I like Dinner Party Conversation to have a theme, like 'Where Are They Now' or 'Therapy Through The Ages' or my personal favourite 'Ageing'. But rarely, if ever, do I have a theme on the blog.

But it seems that this week is an exception - I have a theme - Updates!

Yes, in Monday's post I gave a kind of update on Mr Ex-Middleaged and today's post is an update on January's obsession with 'Abundance Through Frugality'. You may or may not recall it. And Such a Timely Theme it was too, with the Financial Crisis or Recession, or maybe, Depression. 

Anyway, last year I embraced Frugality. I've always liked the Idea of Frugality, but I never cared for the Meanness that often went with it. My Grandmother & Great Aunt Essie always saved string which they kept in a kitchen drawer. In fact, I think String Saving was a v. popular pastime for folk who lived through The Great Depression. Not that my relatives were Mean. They absolutely weren't. But it was more that I always associated being frugal with Used String. 

And what a revelation it was to discover only last year that there was far more to Frugality than String . You may be surprised to learn that it opened me up to a Whole New World of Fun, Excitement, Challenge, & dare I say, Risk! 

You see, I'd always had a Shocking Attitude towards Money. If I had it, I'd just spend it. And then I'd be Gripped with Panic when an Important Bill would arrive & I couldn't pay it. Many's a year when I'd drive my car with Absolutely No Car Insurance because I didn't pay the bill. American Express finally took my card away after twenty-five years because I didn't pay the bill. And I couldn't go back to the Neurologist because I didn't pay the bill. Not that he deserved it. But that's a whole other story.

By now you're probably wondering what all this talk of shocking financial irresponsibility has got to do with the pictures that accompany the text. 

What would a picture of a small indoor forest, old linen tea towels, a wardrobe shot of me & then a picture of a woman in a bathing costume have to do with Frugality?

Well, the Indoor Forest is a current installation in my kitchen. Because I no longer buy flowers, I have to find other ways of having some Nature around . I often drag flowers & branches home that I find on the street. Lately, I've been asking Natalie, the School Gardener, who prunes every week, if I can take home some offcuts. This week she gave me The Small Forest. I'm so thrilled, but  sadly, the leaves have already begun to fall. 

Oh well, Everything's Temporary.

The tea towels are wonderful vintage ones that I found at 'Bednobs & Broomsticks' thrift shop. They're Irish Linen & of course I can't bring myself to use them. So I had to go to the supermarket & buy new ones. 

But it was a Good Try at Frugality.

Talking of 'Bednobs & Broomsticks', here's some cute shoes that I bought there recently for twelve bucks.  They were probably a half a size too small when I bought them, but because I have a Flexible Attitude towards Shoe Sizes I bought them anyway. Amazingly, they seemed to have Slightly Stretched, which is the first time that a shoe has ever done that for me. Thank you, Caring Shoes.

Oh, that's another thing about Abundance Through Frugality - I actually notice & appreciate what I get. And I feel grateful for everything. Before I wouldn't have even noticed.

Here we are at the last photo. I just love it. It's a picture of Hateful Hjordis, the wonderful actor David Niven's second wife who apparently could have been the original model for the Evil Stepmother in Hansel & Gretel. It was in last month's 'Vanity Fair' magazine. In the past, I spent literally hundreds of dollars a month buying magazines. I was obsessed & used the fact that I'm a collagist as an excuse to fuel my obsession. 

Now, I still get magazines but I don't pay for them.  I 'borrowed' the magazine from 'Zinc', my local cafe, photographed all the things that interested me & then took the magazine back to the cafe with no one the wiser. 

Next post or so, I'll tell you about my Adventures with Garbage in part two of 'Abundance Through Frugality- An Update'.

Shoes in Real Life.

I just had to show off some v. cheap shoes. I came across them last friday for one dollar at a clothing stall that 'Bednobs & Broomsticks' thrift store has out in the street twice weekly. Of course I'll probably never wear them. 

Actually, I Will Make an Effort to Wear Them because I've made a commitment to  having a hint of Slight Sluttiness in my everyday appearance from now on.  It may bring good luck.

I'm not sure why I posted the photo of my genuine vintage 'Saks Fifth Avenue' Young Elite Shop shoes that I bought at the Salvation Army Depot in Thousand Oaks California last July. I think it was to show off the label which you can hardly see. But you get the picture, don't you?

Room 101

By now, many of you would have completely forgotten about Mr. Ex-Middleaged. And some of you may never have heard of him. 

I don't blame you. I haven't mentioned him lately. But now it's time I did.

Here's the Executive Summary: Nine months ago, Mr. Middleaged (as he was then known) quite suddenly & unexpectedly left me after fourteen years. We had had a successful blended family with his two boys & my daughter who are now all in their early twenties. But by this time, we were Empty Nesters.

In his haste to leave, Mr. Ex-Middleaged (as he then became known) left behind a number of interesting looking bottles. I left them exactly as He had left them rotting in the bathroom cabinet. I also left the few remaining 'Gant' & 'Brooks Brothers' business shirts hanging in the wardrobe, as well as a whole bulging drawer of 'Calvin Klein' & 'Hugo Boss' underwear. It was a bit like when a child dies & the parents leave their bedroom exactly as they had left it. 

But last week I was suddenly driven to completely clean out the bathroom cabinet. I don't know what came over me, but whatever it was, I loved it. It was such a Cleansing Almost Rite of Passage.

I was going to turf out the bottles. But they looked so gorgeous, I couldn't bring myself to to do it. Plus, some of the bottles still had stuff in them, like the Tom Ford Perfume which is the black bottle next to Superman. Personally, I can't stand the smell. It Smells Smug.  But it was expensive. 

So, I decided to keep them on a shelf in the bathroom as a Homage to Scented Men. I've placed some of my favourite action figures around them just to give them a context. I just love that Smarmy Prince Charming from 'Shrek' who's sitting on top of the 'Calvin Klein' deodorant. But my personal favourite is  Ron Weasley from 'Harry Potter' who seems to be threatening the John Varvatos bottle.

And here's some more Recent Decorating Touches.

I just love Shop Dummies. I'd love to have a whole room of them to display all my necklaces. Now that's something to aspire to!

I bought the slimline torso a few weeks ago at the second hand shop across the road from 'Bednobs & Broomsticks', my Treasure Trove of a thrift shop. I hope it's not overkill. It's in my bedroom.

And below is a Homage to Fake featuring a combination of fake flowers bought at a two dollar shop & the real thing. I bet you can't tell the difference. Of course, I couldn't help but show off the view of the tail-end of Sydney's CBD from the window.

The Elegance of Sockettes

I'm just dying to mention Susan Boyle. But I'm Almost, but Not Quite too scared to because I might say something that someone might reprimand me for & I'm particularly Thin Skinned.

I hadn't heard of Susan until MBF Marge mentioned her, urging me to watch her singing performance on uTube  in front of Nasty Judges  Simon Cowell & a Token Blonde Stick Insect, & some other Smarmy 44 year old Male. 

Like many others, I nearly choked when I saw her. It's not that I'm not used to seeing people with grey hair & muppet eyebrows. I mingle with them all day. But I'm not used to seeing them on TV. See, I'm just as Shallow & Brainwashed as everyone else. 

Apart from having to endure endless closeups of Simon's changing facial expressions that went from eye-rolling to ecstatic like he'd just seen a Miracle Unfolding, I found the whole thing rather exciting. You see, when I was twelve, I became obsessed with Barbra Streisand in 'Funny Girl'. I got the Soundtrack for Christmas & spent literally Years & Years of my life on the floor of my bedroom playing it on my Stereogram. Or maybe I just called it a Record Player. My favourite part was when as the Ugly & Rejected Fanny Brice, Barbra came out on stage in an empty theatre & belted out 'I'm The Greatest Star'. I'm not ashamed to admit that I still know all the words. 

'I'm the Greatest Star, I am by Far, but No one knows it'. 

So I see Susan as kind of like Barbra. Or Fanny. 

Which of course, brings it all Back to Me. If you look closely at my feet in the photo you May Notice that I'm wearing Sockettes. And they're Not Matching. I know in the US they're called another name which sounds nothing like what they are. Something like Lupins or Toddies . Obviously, sockettes are a far more Sensible & Appropriate Name. Anyway, I'm wearing them. Nasty colleagues have made disparaging comments about them. Peter, the owner of 'Zinc', my local cafe, sniffed at them this morning. But I absolutely love wearing them. They protect my poor little feet which incidentally were v. cold this morning. I had to have them that way because the shoes which are genuine vintage probably from the late sixties from 'Saks Fifth Avenue' bought at the Salvation Army for four bucks, are so narrow that I can't wear them when my feet are hot & puffed up. I can only wear them when my feet are cold.

Anyway, I'm sure Susan would wear sockettes & wouldn't worry either.