Remember I said that my posts this weeks have a theme - Updates? And then I updated you on Mr Ex-Middleaged kind of & then on my Abundance Through Frugality Life Project?
Now it's time to update you on my Slightly Slutty Project.
For some months now I realised that I wanted to Change My Image.
Que? you may ask.
Well, now that I'm single, I decided that it was time to Set My Chickens Free or maybe Peddle My Papayas while I've still got any.
Besides, I was getting a little worried that I was looking Bagladyesque, if that makes sense. Or a little Too Eccentric or perhaps like I was Permanently Dressed in Fancy Dress. None of those labels interest me at all, although in my last post I confessed that I sometimes like to dress as a Scottish Woman or a Trekkie. That was a Total Lie. The closest I would ever get to Dressing Scottish would be to wear a tartan scarf, never a kilt, particularly a pleated one with a large safety pin hanging off it. Nor would I dress as a Trekkie, unless I managed to get my hands on some Sixties Courreges or Pierre Cardin Space Age Wear. But, I've got as much chance of scoring any of that stuff than I have of being invited to go on the next Space Shuttle.
So, I decided that I'd start looking Slightly Slutty.
This was a challenge. How can a Middleagedwoman do this?
For a start, in my view, there's nothing worse than women my age showing any flesh at all, particularly their Bosoms. Every time I see Large Swathes of Mammary Gland out on show, I recoil in horror & almost have to physically restrain myself from shouting out 'Put those Girls Away!'
About the only part of my body that I feel reasonably comfortable revealing are my Finely Turned Ankles & calves. For some reason, it appears that that part of me has Forgotten to Age like the rest of me, although maybe that's because I haven't been looking at them with my glasses on lately.
But please don't think that I'm full of Mid-Life Self-Loathing. Or that I've got the Body Awareness of an Anorexic. In fact, I'm full of gratitude for having this body. And also that over the past three years I've lost nine, maybe ten kilos - around eighteen pounds.
Now that we've cleared that one up, back to Slutty. By the way, in my staffroom we've got a number of terms for it, curiously all starting with the Letter 'S' - Slapper is everyone's favourite, but I personally like 'Slurry'. Of course, like when Gay People call themselves 'Queer', we're Reclaiming these words as Our Own.
A Vital Ingredient for Slutty is definitely Footwear.
You can't trudge around in Elf Shoes or Sensible Shoes, although the Australian Style Invention, The Ugg Boot, a disgusting creme furry flat heeled boot that makes women look like they've got Incredibly Fat Sheep's Legs, is the exception to that rule. Ugg Boots, worn with Denim Skirts that were so short that they skimmed the Panty line, were Popular Trailer Trash Chic a couple of years ago, & in some circles may still be in Vogue.
But I'm not sure that Slightly Slutty & Trailer Trash are in the same Venn Diagram.
So, I decided that I had to start wearing heels. Not the Towering Inferno type, like the ridiculous Golden Torturers that I noticed Kate Hudson wearing at the Time 100 Most Influential Dinner this week . No No & NO.
I think Mid-Heels are enough to create the right effect. Notice my thrifted Midnight Blue 'Ballys' in the photo above. I think that they do the trick.
Anyway, this afternoon, I got the Ultimate Accolade from my friend & colleague, Trixie Drew. Over pea & ham soup at lunch she said, 'You know, in that outfit, you don't look just Slightly Slutty.' And then later in class, a couple of my Year 9's looked at me in amazement & said, 'Ms Middleagedteacher - you look really great today'.
I knew I was on the Right Track.