Tears

I wonder if anybody has ever bothered to calculate how many tears the average person sheds in their lifetime?

I guess it would be an impossible task . 

And say if you really could calculate a Lifetime's Tears, would you count the tears you've shed at movies, or when you've sung the National Anthem, or when you watched a Gay Pride Parade? Are they Real Tears anyway?

For almost my entire life there are two things that always make me Cry Like Clockwork - 1. pictures of Jackie Kennedy at President Kennedy's funeral. 2. Watching our annual Anzac Day March of War Veterans on TV.

I can also get a big Tear-Up if I listen to Martin Luther King's, 'I have a Dream' speech. 

 Oh, & I just remembered The Mother of All Tear-Making Speeches - Churchill's wartime, 'We will never surrender' speech. I'm now crying as I'm typing, just at the thought of it.

Birthdays, or more specifically, My Birthday has always had a Tear Component. I remember when I cried at school on my sixth birthday, a Horrible Nun said to me, 'Dear, if you cry on your birthday, you cry for the rest of the year'. 

Thanks, Sister Arsehole. That wonderful Gem of Wisdom really helped.

Hope you like my artwork.

Mad With Fame

I know I look like I've gone mad in these photos. 

And maybe I have.

But over the past few days I've been infected via The Mainstream Media with the idea of becoming 'Internet Famous'. 

 I'm now Officially Desperate to become a 'Fameball',  a blogger who, by Relentlessly Oversharing the banal & inane details of their  daily life, permeates their way into The Collective Consciousness rather like an Earworm, which is a song that you can't get out of your head even if you hate it. 

'Julia Allison', picture above is the Biggest Fameball of Them All Right Now, with the accent on the 'right now' because according to this article I read in The Sydney Morning Herald, you're only as Hot as your Last Blog entry. 

Golly Gosh, I'm going to be chained to the computer all Summer!

'Julia Allison' (not her real name) immediately attracted my attention because of her superficial similarity to Charlotte York in SATC, who I love in as much as you can love a Fictional Character. So I tracked down  her blog/lifecast/personal manifesto, nonsociety.com.

 And to be honest, I couldn't follow it. I don't mean to be too self-deprecating, but sometimes it takes me ages to work things out.  Like it took me an hour to realise that you didn't scroll down her blog, but ACROSS. And then when I started reading , I couldn't understand it. It was kind of like the time I tried to read Virginia Woolf's, 'Mrs Dalloway' aloud to my Senior Class & they just sat there blankly staring me. 

 I really should go back & try reading it again, Julia's blog I mean, not 'Mrs Dalloway', although maybe I could read both  together - One blog entry - One page of 'Mrs Dalloway', One Entry, One page & so on...................

How's that for a Novel Post-Modern New Media Reading Experience?

But Back to Me.

I was deliberately trying to Channel 'Julia Allison' in the first photo. But I think I channelled 'Julia's' grandmother instead, who is the Lady above with the Racehorses on her Chest. 'Julia' posted a whole rivetting blog entry about having lunch with Grandma which really proves that she's really just A Sweet Normal Girl. Or Something.

Now I'm starting to sound like a Caustic Bitch. I must stop.

But before I do, I wanted to point out why I was kicking Ernestina in the staffroom. It's not because I find her annoying. I was just using Her Butt as a vehicle to show off my Freshly-Thrifted extremely pointy shoes. I realise that they are a Far Cry from 'Julia's' fashionable round toe patent pumps, but I'm Nothing if Not Unfashionable.

 If you enlarge the photo where I'm channelling Julia's Grandmother, I would like you to Note Four Things:

1. The Animal Print Thrifted Dress on it's first outing with me. I plan to wear this on saturday night when I have another 'Date' with Mr. Ex-Middleaged. 

2. My homemade 'Dora the Explorer' necklace.

3. My matching oatmeal & faux gold cuffs. Talk about Faux Glamour!

4. The little nylon sockettes that peep out of my Ridiculously Pointy shoes. My colleague Goldie says that they are v. unsightly. I bet ol' 'Julia' wouldn't dream of wearing them!

Betty Bacon Goes to A Party

This is Officially Not an Explanation.

But I just thought that you might like to know that I've been Slightly Sick. Maybe a v. mild virus, with a hint of Existential Ennui thrown in.

But I've got such a lot to Bang on About that I Must Post Now.

The pictures above are from a House Leaving Party that I attended on saturday evening. The House that is About to be Left to a shiny new owner is a Serious Sydney House. That means that it has Views. The particular view that this house has is The Pacific Ocean which is fab, but not quite as fab as having Harbour views. I've been to a party at this house before, so I was thrilled to be invited to another one.

It's always a little awkward to go to a party alone. I walked up to the front door clutching a v. reasonably priced bottle of Merlot, found it was open & walked in. And There I Am! An unknown person is standing in the hallway & I say hi. They grunt & then I walk into the huge living room with the pool & the Ocean all laid out in front of me & look for any familiar faces.

I spot the Hostess who looks glamourous in a Long Halter-Neck Sheath even though it feels like Late Autumn again when it's Almost Summer. I am dressed Autumnally in a Thrifted wool-like substance coatdress. I'm Nothing if Not Appropriately Dressed for the Weather Regardless of Season. 

Then I spy an Dear Old Friend who's chatting to Barbara & Joan, a couple of his friends that I like & would like to get to know better. It's a great thing when you go to a party alone & then you suddenly see your friends. It's like arriving at a Safe Harbour.

I was so relieved & excited to see them that of course I immediately began Oversharing. I started to tell in great detail The Story of My Dumping. Every little Twist & Turn including important background information about our relationship going back many years. A Complete Stranger came up & joined the group, but that didn't stop me. I just kept going. I would like to tell you that after a while a small crowd gathered around  me, hanging on my every word, &  urging me to go on in even more gruesome detail.

Sadly, that didn't happen. Instead, the host's black cocker spaniel, who is deaf & blind, knocked into Joan & started pathetically whining. Immediately all the attention went to the dog. I was crushed.

But I managed to bring the spotlight back to me by loudly bragging to anyone who'd listen that all my clothes are thrifted. That's always a great Conversation Starter, I find.  Barbara revealed that her wonderful 'Prada' bag, pictured above, was also thrifted. I just knew that we had something in common! 

Vive La Thrifte!

Home Decorating Update

At school I've got The Filing Cabinet to keep me occupied, but at Home I've got the whole apartment. And I've certainly been busy.

The drinks trolley has been cheered up with The New York skyline. The large ceramic structure which combines a French Country Cottage & The Chrysler Building was made by my Step-son Stuart when he was fourteen. He's twenty-three today. I've been collecting the miniature skyscrapers over many visits to NYC.

The little Chinese Cloth Doll was a gift from my friend Marge. She's sitting on a miniature carved African chair which now sits in the living room.

The Puppet theatre is sitting on an antique cedar chest of drawers that was my childhood dressing table. The pastel portrait of me was commissioned many years ago by Mr. Ex-Middleaged. 

Inside the Filing Cabinet Part 2.

In yesterday's post, I revealed that I've been uncharacteristically clearing out my Filing Cabinet. It's been quite a Cathartic Experience.

All sorts of pleasant & not-so-pleasant items that I've casually discarded have been re-discovered. 

This morning, I decided to renew my clean out.  And I found more stuff- a plastic Captain Hook 'hand', a Bride of Chucky Doll & some more wigs.

I couldn't help but wear the most startling wig for my Wardrobe Photo.

And I couldn't help but show off my homemade Giraffe Necklace. 

Now that's one item that won't be spending time in The Filing Cabinet.

Who Would Have Thought that A Filing Cabinet Could Be Alladin's Cave?

Today I was full of energy.

 Not that I'm usually sluggish.  But I came to school, sat at my desk & immediately corrected five exam essays on 'Psycho'. 

Then I did something almost unprecedented: I opened up the drawers of my filing cabinet. As a rule, I eschew Filing Cabinets & those nasty dividers that live inside them. And I hate keeping stuff like Notes on Wordsworth or Lear or Arthur Miller or Ad Nauseum. I leave all that to my Hardworking Colleagues who I rely on to provide me with  the Relevant Teaching Materials on a Need to Know basis. 

 My Filing Cabinet is full of things that I have either permanently or temporarily discarded  - spare clothes, action figures, magazines, old debating trophies, wigs etc. 

Today when I opened it, it was Almost, but Not Quite like going into Aladdin's Cave. All sorts of things, both pleasant & unpleasant popped out at me.

A pleasant discovery was this marvellous  yellow waistcoat that I must have thrifted some time back that Princess Pip immediately pounced on & claimed for her own. 

An unpleasant discovery was a a load of smelly old Educational Pamphlets that had been silently rotting in the bottom drawer gathering mould for years.

As you can see, I  removed them, but not before my New Trusty Photographer, Goldie took a snap. 

 I'm Dressed for Action in my Official Faux Chanel outfit, including one of my own homemade necklaces featuring a cameo & the Number 5, in honour of Chanel's favourite perfume that I swear smells like Cat's Wee.

I thought that I'd lost my wonderful thrifted YSL flats that I'm wearing today, but they were only under the spare bed. It was almost worth the pain & anguish of losing them to experience the joy of rediscovery! 

The wonderful Faux Chanel top is a gift from my best friend Marge. She got it from our favourite shop, 'Anthropologie'.

I just had a thought: maybe my urge to clear out all the Old Stuff is something to do with moving on from 'Being Dumped'

As Enid Blyton would say, 'Hurrah'!!!!!!

Letting My Free Flag Fly

I'm still trying to come up with an Alternative Label to 'Being Dumped'. 

So far I can't think of a thing.

I did come up with 'Footloose', which does have a Certain Ring of Truth to it, but it just made me think of Kevin Bacon. 

And then I wondered if  my new label could be called 'Kevin Bacon' or just simply 'Kevin', but that would confuse things because our Prime Minister is called Kevin Rudd & everyone refers to him as 'Kevin'.

But 'Kevin Bacon' is the name of a person, not a State of Being or a Blog Label. Although since 'Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon', I'm not too sure.

I'd like to talk more about Kevin & how the whole 'Six Degrees' thing has been taken up by scientists who are using the idea as the springboard for Some Amazing New Scientific Discoveries, but I won't. 

 I've just had a Brainwave for the Name of the Label - Bacon!

 It's perfect. Well, at least it's better than Toast. 

So, from now on I'm Not Dumped, I'm "Bacon". 

Before closing, as you can see from the photo, I'm in a slightly patriotic mood today, as I'm posing with the Australian flag. Tonight's the night of the big premiere of the new Baz Luhrmann film, 'Australia'. Apparently Baz only finished it yesterday afternoon. 

Can't wait for the reviews tomorrow morning.