Sometimes I'd like to Smack Someone Across the Face with A Wet Flounder

I just had to mention that my great friend & colleague, Trixie & I (or is it, Trixie & Me?) went to see 'Julie & Julia'. Odd as it may seem to some of my North American Readers, I really didn't know who Julia Child was. I knew that she wrote cook books, but she didn't really permeate the Australian Cultural Membrane during her lifetime. If she had, I certainly would have known her.

I'm sure the Prozac is Promoting Grandiosity. Or maybe insensitivity. Or perhaps Reality. But I digress.

One of the things that totally fascinated me was how the hell was five foot six inched Meryl Streep going to manage being six foot two. Would she be on Subtle Stilts that you didn't really notice, I wondered. Every time she came on the screen, I frantically checked to see how much taller she was than her cute little hubby. And everything else around her. By the end of the film, I was exhausted. And yes, Meryl generally Did look bigger & taller than everyone & everything else. What an Achievement!

The other Companion Story of the contemporary blogger was only partially satisfying to me, although I'm now fearful that I'm starting to sound like a Pompous Film Reviewer. But what the hell, why hold back?

1. I didn't think that there was any real tension between Julie, the blogger & her Milquetoasted Hubby, who I absolutely loathed partly because every time he shovelled all the rich french food that his wife made in to his big gob, I thought I was going to throw up. Honestly it was disgusting.

2. I do soo love writing in Numbered Points.

3. After I saw the film, I raced home to uTube & watched some clips of Julia in her heyday in her kitchen. I saw her make an omelette & gained some useful tips about using a non-stick pan & also how to move the omelette around the pan so it comes out all scrunched up. I was surprised as I thought I knew everything.

Obviously not.

4. I thought that Meryl slightly overplayed Julia. Like she thought that Julia was really something out of Dr Seuss or maybe a Kinder Gentler Roald Dahl Grown Up character. Like the other side of Miss Trunchbull in 'Matilda'.

5. The sight of the food made me sick. I never want to go near any of Julia's recipes particularly the Poor Duck swathed in Pastry.

But I really enjoyed 'Julia & Julia' immensely & just loved the fact that it didn't make me cry . I really don't like crying in movies. Life can be sad enough.

A Real Not Toy Python

As Oafey Australian Footballers say when their stupid team wins, 'I'm Dead-Set Ecstatic!'

I would Totally Love to say that the reason is because I just Love Life, but sadly, that's Not the Case.

The reason has got to do with Marc Jacobs.

Remember a couple of weeks ago when I missed out on that Real Not Toy Marc Jacobs handbag at 'Bednobs Etc'?

I have been in total mourning ever since even though I'm trying to do a crash course in Zen Buddhism & not give a rat's arse about The Material World.

But in a wonderful act of Kindness & Generosity, Peter, the owner of my absolute favourite cafe in the whole entire world, 'Zinc', came back from a two week stay in NYC this week & presented me with a divine Python Purse & Two Bangles that he bought in the Marc Jacobs accessory shop in Bleeker Street in NYC.

Apparently, the shop is super popular & when Peter & his partner Nigel came across it on a saturday morning a large, snake-like queue had formed down the street.

I can't imagine Peter queuing for anything, but he is persistent. So, he went back on monday morning & managed to get into the shop before the queue started.

I'm soo glad that he did. Almost, but not quite the best bit of the purse is the inside with 'Jacobs by Marc Jacobs Ad Nauseum' printed on the leather. I didn't realise that Fashion Designers have a sense of humour, except perhaps for Little Karl Lagerfeld who says stuff like, 'I don't have any human emotions'.

The Zebra Decoded

Even though tonight's my night for watching Reality Fashion shows, I'm still compelled to blog. Its because I'm desperate to keep the Zebra Momentum going.

But first, let me v. briefly walk you through 'My Shows'.

1. The Rachel Zoe Project. Even though technically Rachel was on last night, she's part of my Roll Call of Reality Fashion Shows. Of course, I consider myself to be the Real Reality Fashion Show. But perhaps I'm becoming Slightly Grandiose. Maybe it's the Prozac.

Anyway, last night Rachel got upset about nasty things that the press was saying about her. Like she's too thin & she had a dummy spit at some pre-Oscar party. All of her underlings,

including her hubbie told her to Get Over It.

I personally have Never Gotten Over Anything in My Life.

2. The Fashion Show. Each week, Isaac Mizrahi chucks some poor fashion designer off the show while calling them 'Darling'.

'Angel, we're just not buying it. Bye-bye Darling'.

3. Tabitha's Salon Takeover. I love this show because Tabitha Coffey is Australian & she's in LA. She's one of those Hard As Nails, Have a Reality Sandwich type hairdressers who goes into Dirty & Dysfunctional Salons & tells everyone who works there to take the styling gel out of their arse & get on with it. There's the usual Reality show Tears'N'Dummy Spit before everyone hugs at the end.

Back to me.

1. Please note that I am wearing yet another Zebra Necklace. It's really a Disabled Zebra because it doesn't have any legs or hooves.

And I was so thrilled to read Zizzi's & Darla's comments this morning about the Symbolism of the zebra. Please read them if you haven't already. Of course, I couldn't think past the notion of camouflage, but they mentioned Uniqueness because no two zebra stripes are alike just like snowflakes.

Thank you!

2. I've begun a series of eight beauty treatments that I had initially agreed with my anonymous friend to keep quiet about but I've now decided not to. I had my first one today. It felt like a Near-Death Experience because I was subjected to an incredibly bright LED (whatever that is) light for many many minutes. All that was missing was My Dead Parents & Animals waiting for me at the end of the tunnel.

I can't remember what the treatment's called. Maybe Omnilux. I fell for it because a woman I know from 'Zinc', my local cafe, who had it, suddenly looks all plumped up & fresh faced when she usually looks like an Old Washer Woman. And the other drawcard was that it was apparently developed by NASA. That always impresses me.

Weren't they the people who invented Glad Wrap? And where would we be without that?

Camouflage Perhaps?

Being an English teacher, I'm always looking for Symbols & Signs. And maybe excuses to put two words starting with the letter 'S' side-by-side.

Since I'm currently teaching the poetry of Australian Dead Poet, Gwen Harwood, I'm extra-specially interested in the Two S's.

And what seems Slightly Curious to me, is the Recurring Motif in my outfits slash life of The Zebra.

Those of you who know My Wardrobe intimately, will recall that it contains a number of Zebra references . I do hope that I am making sense as I have just this late afternoon had my eyebrows waxed & tinted which I religiously do every three weeks & I fear that perhaps some of the hot wax has infiltrated my Frontal Lobe & affected my ability to blog.

Anyway.........

I have a strange wooden zebra necklace & a wonderful Zebra pin that Darla sent me a little while back that I treasure & now I have this:

It's another Zebra Necklace, although you would never know it because I have a scarf wound tightly around my turkey neck which I say lovingly & Not Nastily. Those of you who either live in the Southern Hemisphere or understand the Seasons in that part of the world will think it Rather Strange that I, in late October appear to be dressed for Mid-Winter when it should by Rites Be Spring. Of course those of you who actually live where I live will Totally Understand.

Even though it's supposed to be getting dangerously hotter by the minute, it isn't right now in Sydney. In fact, we've slid back to perhaps late June slash early July. I must say I quite like the challenge of getting up every morning & putting on extra layers that I might have to peel off later in the day in case the Mercury Mounts.

I don't think Zebras thrive in a Cold Climate. And I also think that they aren't associated with Snow. I know v. little about The Natural World, a fact that was driven home to me yesterday when I was teaching a poem concerning the death by gunshot of a barn owl by the poet when she was a child. When attempting to draw An Owl on the whiteboard, my all-knowing class informed me that there were over two hundred types of owl. I thought that there was only one, The Wise Owl.

Anyway, what I'm wanting to know is, what does The Zebra symbolise? Camouflage perhaps?

Grooming to Rival The Duchess of Windsor's

Don't think that I'm copying Advanced Style. Or is it, Advance Style?

See, I don't even know the proper name of the Thingy Bloggy..... whatever it is.

So, I can't be copying.

Do look at Joy above. I caught her on the hop on friday morning on my way to school. Joy was also going to school. But she wasn't going to do a paid thing like me, but to Volunteer.

For many years now, Joy volunteers to be what's known in the Teaching Trade as a 'ReaderSlashWriter' or 'Reader/Writer'.

Let me explain in as few words as possible. Where I live in Australia, we have a Nasty Set of Exams at the end of a student's schooling called the Higher School Certificate which decides whether or not you get into a course at university or indeed if you get to go to university at all. Many students who sit for these exams consider themselves to have 'Special Needs'. Their parents & Paid Professionals also think that they have 'Special Needs'.

I personally think that everyone in the world has 'Special Needs'. But that's just Me.

In the world of the Higher School Certificate, there are many many categories of 'Special Needs'. You may have a specific learning difficulty or your hands may simply shake in the exam room. Or, you may know it in you head, but for some damn reason, it doesn't come out your arm/hands & on to the exam paper.

So, what do these poor 'Special Needs' students get?

Yes, that's right! They get Joy.

Joy sits with an assigned 'Special Needs' student & reads the exam paper to them & then the student dictates her answer to Joy who writes it down for her. The student doesn't have to touch the exam paper.

I don't know how she does it. I certainly wouldn't be able to do it because I wouldn't be able to listen long enough to write down any answers.

Anyway, Joy always looks completely fabulous even when she is on her way to spend two hours sitting next to some sweaty student. Everything always matches perfectly & her grooming is up there with The Duchess of Windsor's.

She's wearing a George Gross suit that has a little touch of pale green in it, I think. And she's wearing a diamond bee that her still-practicing dentist husband Bruce gave her for some well-deserved anniversary.

Brava Joy!

The Magic Medal

the Magic Medal
Originally uploaded by middleagedteacher

See, even more pictures of me wearing cuffs.
If you look closely, you can see that this is a different cuff from the ones in the other photos.
Hurrah.
Also, have a gander at my necklaces. All homemade. I like to call the large one which is a watch on a shell that I got from a two dollar shop, 'The Magic Medal'. When I was a child, my grandmother whose name was Eleanor & was born in 1891 used to tell me these wonderful stories about a pair of identical twins called Pinky & Bluey who had a magic medal. When they rubbed the medal, which now sounds rather gross, but didn't at the time, the little girls would instantly transform into Stylish Young Ladies called Prunella & Sue who would spend their time attending fashionable race meetings like the Melbourne Cup & getting tips from famous jockeys.

Midas

Midas
Originally uploaded by middleagedteacher

See, more Cuff Wearing.
I just can't help myself. I'm obsessed.
See how perfectly they go with the cute little Mask of Midas that Bree, one of my Little Year 7s made?
I am a simpleton when it comes to Myths/Legends/heroes/etc & really clever when it comes to TV shows of the sixties like 'The Beverly Hilbillies' & 'Bewitched'. I can even go back as far as George Reeves in 'Superman'. But start talking about Apollo or Demeter or whoever & I"m lost.
The only one I know anything about is Narcissus because I lived with him for fourteen years.
Anyway, that's a different story.
So, I'm kind of perplexed as to how come Midas has got donkey's ears. I get the gold bit, though.