Della Street Dreaming Ennui

I'm suffering from perhaps Blog Ennui.

I don't want to call it 'Della Street Dreaming' anymore.

And I've never even bothered to tell you who the hell Della Street is & why I called my blog after her in the first place.

And, while we're at it, what's with the 'Dreaming'?

Let me explain.....

Once upon a time, I was a child who was Addicted to TV.

My favourite show between the ages of 8-10, maybe older, was 'Perry Mason', starring Raymond Burr as the brilliant lawyer who resembled a Fridge with Gravitas. His incredibly efficient, gorgeous & empathetic secretary was Della Street, played magnificently by Barbara Hale, who was an expert in Eyebrow Acting.

I never missed an episode & as a result became v. well-schooled on how a murder investigation & subsequent trial should be properly conducted.

The show stopped in 1966. Poor Raymond became 'Ironside', a name that really suited him because of his Fridgeness. I stopped watching TV & retreated to my bedroom where I picked my pimples & attempted to apply Mink False Eyelashes whilst endlessly listening to The Troggs singing 'Love is All Around' on my portable record player. Once I listened to it continuously for four hours which was Quite a Feat considering it only went for two minutes, thirty-three seconds.

But that's a whole other story.

Years passed. I forgot about Perry, Della & Paul Drake, Perry's private detective who I didn't bother to mention earlier.

More years passed. And finally, like everything else, they turned up on late nite TV.

Even though it was on v. late, way past My Official Bedtime, which I didn't have then, I stayed up & watched them.

I became hooked all over again. It didn't bother me that I noticed that there was a distinct lack of a Jury in any of the Court scenes. Or that the sets looked like Carboard Cubicles & all the Nite Scenes were obviously filmed in the daytime. Or that the plots were a little thin or not quite believable.

I just loved all the regular characters. Even the unnecessarily Smug district attorney Hamilton Burger, played by an actor who looked like A Human Cigarette. Burger lost every single case against Perry, but doggedly continued his Unfailing Smugness through the entire nine seasons.

But my favourites were Perry & Della. I imagined myself getting into some kind of Serious Trouble & ending up inside Perry's wood-grained cardboard office with Perry looking at me with his Penetrating Gaze & Della comforting me with her Eyebrows.

In fact, I became so enamored with the show that I began painting it. That's the top picture. I made up a v. lame schoolgirl story called 'The Case of the Bulging Locker' about the theft of cakes from a girl's locker with Perry & Paul promptly bringing the culprit to justice.

Please, I beg you, click on the image if you can be bothered . I promise it won't disappoint.

So, when it came to give my blog a name, the first one that popped out at me was Della's.

Which is of course ridiculous because it has nothing whatsoever to do with her, although I often mention my Eyebrow Maintenance Schedule. But I've never mentioned Della's.

Perhaps there are other bloggers who have Rashly & Foolishly named their blog in a rush & then lived to regret it.

This is what I want to call it.

But I can't change the name. At least I don't think that I can.

Oh dear.

if Its Lanvin, It Must Be Silk

This is going to a v. short post.

More like a Blimp really.

But I just had to show off my Real Vintage Perhaps Silk Lanvin dress that I've been crowing about since last friday when I pounced on it at 'BednobsEtc'.

In fact, I spent the day sashaying around the school hoping that people would notice.

I began early by sidling up to The Head, Miss Bracegirdle with a More than Usually Cheery 'Good Morning'.

Sadly, she didn't appear to notice, although she said 'good morning' back.

But just about enough people noticed & made the right kind of noises to make it All Worthwhile.

I'm sure you're relieved as hell to know this.

Last post I mentioned that I was desperate for the dress to be silk. I searched like crazy all over the dress for a label that said 'Silk in French', whatever that is, but sadly couldn't find anything.

But wonderful Janavi, who is an acclaimed expert in the Field of Clothes, wrote that if it is Lanvin, it must be Silk.

Phew! I'm v. relieved.

Behold, the World's smallest Horse.

Carlotta, knowing my desperate desire to own a Miniature Companion Horse sent me this photo today while I was suffering from Mid-Afternoon Ennui at my desk in the Staffroom.

Talk about a Bonding Experience! All the other English teachers who were similarly suffering Mid-Afternoon Ennuiness, crowded around my school computer & cooed for what seemed like An Age.

Definitely one for the Middleagedteacher Happiness Project.

More Middleagedteacher Happiness

A Quick Update.

Perhaps you might remember some weeks back when I discovered 'The Happiness Project'. I couldn't be bothered buying the book & then having to turn the pages to read it, so I just downloaded it with a Free Credit from audible.com.

Each nite for say, three nites I went to bed & put on my Massive Listening Earmuffs & tried to listen.

Each nite I fell asleep after about five minutes max.

Clearly, I wasn't really that interested in Happiness.

I was much more comfortable with Sadness, tinged perhaps with a little Resentment & a dollop of Rage on the side.

So I gave up listening to 'The Happiness Project'.

Anyway, the author, whose name now escapes me, wasn't that unhappy to start with. Perhaps even a little Smug . She had a husband who pukily Adored her, an apartment in Manhattan, a job as a lawyer maybe, & some little children who were adorable. It seemed that her biggest problem was Cluttered Shelves.

Quelle Horreur!

So I gave up listening to Madame SmuglyHappy. But that doesn't mean to say that I've Abandoned the Project.

No no no. I've just Re-Branded It.

The Middleagedteacher Happiness Project.

Happiness Item #1: Necklace Making.

Lately I've been beavering away in my cluttered studio amongst cluttered shelves making necklaces. Like me, all the materials that I'm using are 100% Recycled. So far I've made ten. This one, called 'Three Coins in the Fountain' is one of my Personal Favourites.

Happiness Item #2: Taking a photo of my Weekend Outfit.

It never disappoints. This weekend I wore All Black which fits in beautifully with the Slight Whiff of Autumn that Sydney is having. The top has a Sad History. But I am desperately trying to Rehabilitate it.

You see, it was amongst the large truckload of mainly thrifted clothes that remained & rotted in my Ex-Beach House after Mr Ex-Middleaged exited. I only recently got them back after twenty months of being abandoned in some damp-ridden & rat & spider infested hole out of sight & out of mind.

Oh dear, I'm afraid Sadness, tinged with Resentment & Mild Rage have crept in.

Make that Incandescent Rage.

Happiness Item #3: Thrifting & Rehabilitating Bruno Maglis.

Some of you may baulk at wearing Other People's Shoes, particularly if the owner died while wearing them.

That's why I alway wear my trusty Sockettes.

On saturday I bought these Slightly Scuffed Shoes at 'BednobsEtc' for five dollars off the asking price. I do drive a Hard Bargain.

But what was I to do about the Scuffiness, I wondered.

Carol, who works at 'Bednobs' suggested Nail Polish.

It was so exciting going to the Chemist & selecting the Exact Shade to match the shoes. Luckily, the assistant was a Drag Queen, so I got expert advice.

Hope you're feeling Happy Now.

Lastly, I can't wait to hop into bed & fall asleep because, when I get up, I'm going to wear Weather Permitting, my newly-thrifted possibly but not definitely, Silk Genuine Vintage 'Lanvin' dress that I got on friday after rather a demanding day at the whiteboard. The only negative thing about it is that there is no label anywhere on it that says 'Silk'. But it looks & feels Silken. Just like Silken Tofu. But you will be relieved to know that there is a 'Lanvin, Paris & New York' label on it. I wonder if they still make 'Arpege'. It always reminded me of somebody's mother.

Straight Out of a Fairytale

Behold! Me & a Carpet Snake.

Well, I'm not exactly sure what kind of a snake it is, but since it's frolicking on a carpet, let's just call it a Carpet Snake.

A Petting Zoo for senior Biology students came to the school last week & I unceremoniously horned in on it.

I thought my Golden Shoes from 'Target' a few years ago & my Agnes B skirt looked fantastic with the snake, who had absolutely loads of personality. I was shocked & immediately charmed by it/her/him.

And here I am back in my boring old classroom with a Felt Frog. It was all I could rustle up under the circumstances. But it felt so Fake & Inauthentic after I experienced a Real Green Tree Frog in the Science Lab.

Sadly, there's not much call to wheel in A Petting Zoo when you're an English teacher. Although there are snakes & even a lion in the Forest of Arden in 'As You Like It'.

Back to the Frog.

Again, I was surprised at the Breadth & Depth of the frogs's personality. Not only did he change colour during the brief time he was allowed out of his perspex home, he also massively leapt around the lab, showed remarkable ability to cling to things & made a small croak.

Talk about straight out of a fairytale! I felt like I was in 'The Frog Prince'.

My Body is My Playground

I do like the title I've given this post.

It was Entirely Serendipitous. A short while ago, I was watching The Style Network, no longer a favourite TV destination for me because, call me Impatient, I got sick of waiting for poor Ruby, the over 400 pound star of the channel, to lose the weight.

Anyway, some Man in the Street was asked on the Style Network by dear old Ruby whether he ate healthy foods. He said Absolutely Not. He only ate junk because, 'My body is my Playground!'

How Reckless! How Cavalier! How Devil May Care!

If only.

Here's me above at this week's 'Boot Camp' Experience.

Who would have thought that doing Plank Pose on a Medicine Ball would immediately make me feel like I'm living inside a Playground?

Amazing.

My friend AJ also joins in. She is desperate to box. A v.v. Important Milestone Birthday is Looming Large for 'ol AJ . So she must box.

I am putting on protective surgical gloves not to perform an internal examination, but to protect my hands from other people's sweat whilst inside the gloves.

I'm still delicately inserting each finger inside the gloves. It was a Tough Operation, nearly as demanding as the boxing itself.

Note my Sporting Top. Its a Stella McCartney for Adidas that I thrifted at BednobsEtc'.

I was thrilled.

A real Celebrity Designer meets a Real Sporting Brand. A marriage made in Sporting Heaven. Now I definitely have Boot Camp Cred, I thought.

Sadly, my fellow 'BootCampers' all queried Stella's use of the Puff Sleeve as a suitable style for a Serious Sporty Type.

Finally, I box. Who would have thought that the Puff Sleeve would be perfect for boxing? Note the way it hugs my upper arm & accentuates my Soon to be Bulging Muscles.

But more importantly, note the arms on Miss Jay, the Games Mistress from School. I want those Exact Arms.

Miss Jay has been accepted to run in the New York Marathon this November & not Anybody can go in it. You have to be good. I am soo hoping that some of this will rub off.

And in closing, I've just found out that my Monday evening Yoga Instructor, Kiren, also teaches Nicole Kidman.

Thrifted Holiday Outfits with Exciting Names

Outfit #1: 'Not Ninety Nine'.

You may be relieved to know, Dear Reader, that it is the end of the holidays.

I am now Officially Back at School although Without Students.

That comes tomorrow.

I must must must Blog V. Fast so that I can watch an episode of 'The Inspector Allyne Mysteries', an obscure British crime series by Dame Ngaio (pronounced Nao) Marsh, dramatised many years ago by the ever-reliable BBC & generously lent to me by Trixie who recently found a DVD copy & pounced on it I'm sure because she knew I liked it so much & she had a Gift Voucher to use up & didn't know what else to get with it.

What a long sentence. But sadly, not nearly as long as some of my students manage.

Recently, I counted a sentence by a Year 7 student that went for seventeen lines. I now realise what an incredible achievement that was. Perhaps she is really 'Gifted & Talented' after all.

Anyway, after I watch 'Inspector Allyne', I want to hop into bed & get to sleep in a twinkling which is something that I've had unusual success with lately. Perhaps its the Boxing.

And then I want to wake up v. early so I can swot up on 'Frankenstein' which I'm teaching with 'Bladerunner' first thing tomorrow morning & I can't remember a thing.

In fact the whole idea of teaching tomorrow seems rather Strange & Alienating. Like the last time I did it was a Lifetime ago & I'm scratching my head to remember.

Maybe its because I spent the Entire Holiday Feverishly Thrifting at 'BednobsEtc'.

And I do mean Feverishly. There is a reason for my Feverishness but I'm not telling now as its too unsettling. Maybe later when I've gotten over it. But then again, I've never successfully gotten over anything in my life.

Let me Walk You through some of my Holiday Highlights.

First cab off the rank if you can be bothered to scroll back to the first photo is a true vintage coat. Perhaps it could be called a Trench. It sadly Stunk O' Damp. I sent it to the Dry Cleaners but it still has a Slight Whiff O' Damp. The Knowledgeable Dry Cleaning Lady told me that I needed to hand wash it first.

Absolutely Not. I'd rather put up with the Damp.

I've called this outfit 'Not Ninety Nine' in honour of the fab 'Ninety-Nine' in 'Get Smart'. I'm sure she had a coat similar to this one but I bet it didn't Stink 0'Damp. When I was a kid, I wanted to look like her, but I definitely didn't want to be with Maxwell Smart. What a mistake.

Outfit #2: 'Me & Agnes B'.

I nearly wet my pants last week when Gabe, the manager of 'BednobsEtc' said that I could have this genuine Agnes B skirt for fifteen bucks instead of thirty, which was the marked price.

Outfit #3": 'Dolce & Me'.

I have become a Compleat Label Whore. I just couldn't not thrift this probably A Little Too Butch 'Dolce & Gabbana' top which sadly only had enough room on it to say, 'Dolce & Gabb'. I'm wearing it with a skirt I thrifted last year at a v. large so-called 'Vintage' store in Berkeley, Ca whose name I now can't remember along with anything about 'Frankenstein', but perhaps it had the word 'Buffalo' in it.

Outfit #4: 'Morticia Middleagedteacher'.

I hope you get the reference to Morticia Addams from 'The Addams Family'. When I was a kid I vowed that I'd grow up to be as Cool as a Cucumber just like her, but without the Creepy & Cloying husband Gomez.

But maybe I'm more Lily Munster. Which would dovetail beautifully into 'Frankenstein' as her husband Herman was modelled on Boris Karloff's monster.

All roads Lead back to Mary Shelley.

Or perhaps more accurately, back to Cheesy Old Sitcoms.

Anyway, I'm wearing a lace 'Wayne Cooper' dress which was a major thrifting coup because Our Wayne is Australian Designer Royalty.

Outfit #5: 'What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas'.

Sadly, there's not a designer in site in this outfit. And it probably shows. But I just couldn't resist the Satiny Blingy Busty Top that I've teamed with a Slightly Slutty skirt that has echoes of Wild Animal Print. I am standing in a rather unfortunate pose with my toes pointing in as if I'm channeling Waif or Street Urchin. It was an accident.

Advanced Style Goes to the Geriatric Ward

I went to the Hospital this afternoon to visit Aileen who is pictured above with me almost a year ago on our way to her 96th Birthday Treat to see 'Chicago'.

I loathed it. 'Chicago', not The Hospital.

Aileen was making her bed the other morning when she fell over it & hurt her face & shoulder.

When I arrived at the Geriatric Ward she was sitting up next to her bed. Most of one side of her face was coloured a most disturbing shade of Aubergine.

But In spite of it all, she was kind of chipper even though she couldn't remember if she'd seen a doctor.

Seated right next to her was Dorothy, aged 95. She was also kind of chipper. Even though a whole heap of Dorothy's family were gathered around being chirpy , it appeared that Dorothy thought that I was visiting her too. She ignored them & told me that she was born in 1915, had 11 grandchildren & over 200 great-grandchildren whose names she couldn't remember. I unsuccessfully tried to do the Maths.

Dorothy's family (mercifully minus the Great-grandchildren) must have had a gutload of being ignored, so they left. As soon as they were out of sight, she asked me to pass her the box of Cadbury's 'Roses' chocolates that were perched on Aileen's bed.

Aileen immediately said that was out of the question as Dorothy was a diabetic.

'What difference does it make?' I asked.

'It'll make her sick.'

I tactfully decided to change the subject.

'Haven't you just eaten a really large rock cake?' I asked.

'It was stale'.

I wasn't prepared to risk Aileen's ire so I sensibly hid the chocolate in the sheets.

Then the woman whose husband was in the opposite bed & who looked like he was in the next best thing to a coma, came over for a chat.

'We've been married for 55 years' she announced.

OMG, I was two. Fancy being married to the one person for nearly the whole of my life.

'I've been watching him the whole time you've been here, & he looks at you with such love' said Dorothy. I thought he was in a coma.

It was kind of fun being there. Everyone was chipper.