If Middleagedteacher Was Featured in 'Fashion Police'

It is more than Perilously Close to my Official Bedtime. In fact I'm teetering over the side of it.

So, I'll make this quick. I will type Like the Wind. I will throw spelling, punctuation, syntax & grammar to the wind. ......../?!`

My New Default Dinner

It's always good to have a Default Dinner up your sleeve, I find. It stops you from having to think v. hard about what to eat when you can't think of anything.

Some nites I just know that its Skinless Salmon Nite. Or Lamb Forequarter Chop Nite . Or Vegetable Frittata Nite.

But when I'm unable to tell what kind of a nite it is, I just make my Default Dinner. It saves loads of time & agonising indecision at the supermarket which almost always leads to Dinner Ennui.

Let me walk you through the contents of my Latest Default Dinner. I'm sure you'll find your mouth watering v. soon.

1. par-boiled & then roasted-to-a-crisp chopped potatoes. Rock salt & olive oil. Perhaps some sprigs of Rosemary for Remembrance.

2. fried low-fat Haloumi Cheese strips. Haloumi tastes slightly like rubber but in a good way.

3. Tinned Cannelini beans. Or chick peas. Or butter beans. As long as they look slightly white. Kidney beans remind me of Real Kidneys.

4. Half an avocado mashed with some low-fat yoghurt, lemon & two stalks of spring onions, finely chopped.

5. Sliced Cos Lettuce.

6. Other salad vegetables.

7. Chopped red paw paw. I know now it has another fancier name, but I can't remember what it is. Anyway, its kind of dark orange with smallish black seeds in the middle. I am one of the Silent Minority who really like putting fruit in Savoury Dishes. Many people eschew it.

8. A Mountain of Salt because I'm daring my Arteries to Harden.

It is now after 10.30 pm & I've just wasted all this time banging on about dinner & not mentioning a word about Me n' Joan Rivers n' Fashion Police.

It's not my fault. It's the Stupid Blog's Fault. It casts an Enchantment over me & I become its Willing Puppet. I must, must be stronger. I will be stronger.

So, I'm obsessed with 'Fashion Police'. Every week Joan Rivers & her panel of 'experts' walks us through the previous Week on the Red Carpet. Sometimes, they say really nice things, like how 'Be-uuu-ti-ful' Courtney Love looked & how come she, 'got it soo right for a change', but mostly they say nasty things like Beyonce's legs look like they've morphed into Sausage Skins in those tight Plastic Leather pants. Or Anne Hathaway looks like one of Santa's Helpers at a Department Store who lines up all the kids to sit on Santa's knee. Even though she's wearing a Chanel Babydoll dress with a big bow. Or that Charlize Theron looked like Big Bird in that yellow feathery gown.

Why is it that when I say it, it doesn't sound funny? But let me assure you, when Joan says it, its funny. Perhaps that's the difference between Joan & Me.

Anyway, on last nite's show, Joan said that Poor Anna Wintour looked like a Librarian that was telling everyone to be quiet in that Lanvin dress with the cardie over it. You can see me in it above. I was wearing it as well in a Parallel Universe. I thought I looked pretty damned good in it too.