Stop this now, Blog. It is torture for me & v. boring for My Readers. You see, I'm just a Ventriloquist's Doll, mindlessly typing what Della wants, not what I want.
And do you know what I just did?
That's right. I cracked. Upon the typing of the words, 'Red Tulip' After Dinner Mint, I raced out to the kitchen & scoured the cupboard for some. I just had this vague trace memory that there might be a Rogue Box of them, way past their use-by date of course, lurking behind all the old half-empty fish oil containers that were generously left behind by Mr. Ex-Middleaged.
Sadly, I couldn't find any .
But then I opened the freezer & found one dainty little tub of 'WeightWatchers' Self-Saucing Chocolate Pudding. I clapped my hands together with joy, even though there was a stern warning on the silver foil lid that it, 'May contain traces of tree nuts'. Now there's a worry that I hadn't previously thought of.
Anyway, I uncharacteristically cast caution to the wind & spent an agonising minute next to the microwave mentally wrestling with the idea of eating the pudding with full-fat ice cream. In fact, I actually went so far as to almost take the ice cream out of the freezer.
And then I put it back.
God, I feel even more Smug & Self-Satisfied now. I cleverly managed to find a way to Have My Pudding & Eat It Too.
But Victory Over Food wasn't the original reason why I was feeling Smug.
No. It's because today The Ex-School Nurse & her friend Chrissie & Me went Xmas Shopping & I'm nearly done. And it's literally weeks before Xmas. Never in my entire life has this happened before. I've always left everything to the last minute. Perhaps I'm getting better at doing everything. Maybe all those years of obsessively repeating 'Everything is coming Easily & Effortlessly to Me' to myself is Finally Paying Off.
Chrissie knew of a fab 80% off massive warehouse sale of FAmous Brand Name Cosmetics & Perfumes that had been on for two days & was finishing up this afternoon. She'd been there the day before & marvelled at all the Mercedes & BMWs that were queuing up outside the warehouse. Wealth always can sniff out a bargain.
My whole body started tingling the moment the friendly security guard handed me a large plastic sack at the door which I promptly filled with Wrinkle Fillers for my more Mature Gift Recipients, 'Prada' Male Perfume that the assistant assured me was v. similar to Tom Ford Male Perfume that Tyler loves, but sadly they didn't have, lots of lovely smelling things for Maeflower & Azzaro Shaving Kits for Other Young Males. I bought some 'Clarins' perfume which I've covered myself in but I can't smell anything except the remains of the 'WeightWatchers' Pudding.
Must must must hop into bed. But before I go, here's some Numbered Points:
1. Am now on holidays. Our last day was yesterday. I celebrated with my colleagues at the Tilbury Hotel in Woolloomooloo where I drank a Mojito cocktail & followed it up with a vodka, Lime & tonic & followed that up with another one, but fortunately decided to stop after perhaps five mouthfuls because I knew that I'd follow that last one up with throwing up.
2. I go to California on monday.
3. I've bought at 'BednobsETc' an entirely new winter wardrobe especially for the two week trip.
4. I hope I run into Rachel Zoe & hubby Rodger again at the strip mall at Malibu.
5. Not looking forward to not having Potts Point lattes. Instead I will force myself to have non-fat iced coffees at 'Starbucks'.
6. Looking forward to eating almost entirely Mexican food from various outlets like 'La Salsa'.
Oh, in the photo I was Xmas Shopping earlier in the week at 'Macleay on Manning' in Potts Point. Sadly, nothing there was 80% off which would have been an absolute godsend because I bought Trixie a 'Limoges' coffee mug in a delightful green colour. She totally deserves it.
Note my v. elaborate 'Fifty Coins in the Fountain' mess of necklaces wore with a glomesh snake that I adore. What would Joan say, I wonder?