Blogging Isn't Just My Job, It's My Duty!

1. You can always tell I'm exhausted & desperate to make my Official Bedtime, Oh Reader when I write in my favourite text type, The Numbered Point.

2. And you can always tell I've been watching 'Fashion Police' on The Style Channel when I start quoting Joan Rivers which I already have in this blog entry, not that anyone will have noticed.

3. Every year at this time, I give a little depressed gasp when I spy my First Xmas Decoration. I always make a mental note of where actually I see it so that forever after, the area will always have a nasty black mark against it. Like I can't actually walk past the spot again without inwardly groaning.

This year, it was the back of the first aisle in my local supermarket, 'Woolworths Potts Point'. It must have been at least ten days ago, so we're talking just after the midpoint of October.

It was a modest display of something or other featuring sleighs, snow & Santa, none of which have anything remotely to do with an Australian Xmas. But perhaps I'm nit-picking.

I shivered & quickly hurried along to the L'Oreal 'Age Imperfect' Face Scrubbing Section.

Reluctantly I endorse this product. I buy it for two reasons:

(1) the packaging looks slightly like 'Clarins' if you weren't looking too hard. Not that I think 'Clarins' does a thing except smell nice;

(2) Its cheap.

In case you were wondering, I use 'Age Imperfect' Facial Wipes before I go to bed because I couldn't be bothered going to much trouble, & in the morning I use 'Age Imperfect' milk cleanser & toner. And then I apply some wrinkle cream or other. My only criterion for selecting the cream is that it must, I repeat, must make outrageous claims about Immediate Wrinkle Disappearance. I find that reassuring.

The Swan.

4. Some weeks ago I promised to show off what I bought at the 'Dinosaur Designs' Warehouse Sale. And since I'm always a Stickler for Keeping Promises, here it finally is.

Look look above. Here I am just moments before our exciting Annual CPR Training last week. Can't you tell from the shape of my mouth that I'm already practicing breathing into the plastic manikin that was soo generously provided for the occasion?

Suddenly the typing is in italics & I am powerless, like soo much else in my life, to change it.

Oh, but its stopped, like so much else in my life, of its own accord.

Perhaps there's a lesson in there somewhere.

5. Anyway, I'm wearing Two, not One Necklace(s).

(1) The plastic flower necklace was from 'Anthro' in California.

(2) The Swan Pendant was from the 'DD' warehouse sale.

I totally loved wearing them with a thrifted silken like Italian jacket with little cut outs that I pray are just this side of Twee.

If You're Over Fifty, Beware of Wearing Outfits that Come with a Wand.

6. That's another line from Joan Rivers.

7. The next three outfits have a Common Denominator. Actually there's More than One:

(1) I am wearing shirts;

(2) Two of them are black & white;

(3) All three of them were originally thrifted by Aileen, the 97 year old mother of My B. Friend Marge.

I featured Aileen on the blog last year. Perhaps you may remember. Its far far too late & perilously close to my Official Bedtime for me to go & find the entry for you. Why don't you trawl through last years entries yourself?

Probably around May. I swear it will be worth it.

Focus on Misery, Not Lace Inserts.

27. I've got v. little left to say except that I'm really moving into Slightly Slutty in these outfits.

Joan might say that I've moved up from 'Hooker to Call Girl'. How fantastic.

Look v. closely at the footless tights in the outfit above. Notice the lace inserts on the side that go all the way up the leg. Today at therapy, I noticed my therapist being slightly distracted by them at one point. I quickly uncrossed my legs & pulled my dress down. I just want him to focus on my misery, not my lace inserts.

Anyway, I'm throwing them in the bin after Trixie told me that they reminded her of her Style-Free- Tracksuit -Wearing- Aunt- from -Lake -Munmorah.

Bloggaganza!

Did you, O Reader, notice the title of this Blog entry?

Yes, that's right.

'Bloggaganza!'

Don't think for a moment that you've seen that word before because you Absolutely Haven't because I just made it up. And I'm thrilled.

I must say that I spent some time deciding on the correct spelling. But I eventually went with the Double G which adds a certain excitement to what is already an exciting new word, don't you think?

Feel free to use it freely.

And Bloggaganza it certainly is. So many things to tell you & so many photos to walk you through. But wait! Its almost my Official Bedtime so I will have to Gallop rather than Trot.

Tally Ho!

Look look above at my Dr. Della look . I'm loving it. The white 'Saba' coat definitely has a Medical Feel. Sadly, I could never have been a doctor because I don't have the brains or the stomach for it. I was briefly enrolled in nursing after I left school but dipped out at the last moment when I realised I would have to empty used bedpans & perhaps see blood. The only reason why I wanted to become a nurse was so that I could marry a doctor, preferably a brain surgeon because of my Absolute Devotion to a late sixties TV show called 'Ben Casey' about a v. worried & somewhat taciturn brain doctor who looked like Elvis with curly hair.

Note the two coloured shoes. Or is it, 'two tone' shoes? I'm never sure. They've been popping up all week because I've almost convinced myself that they look Chanelesque.

Here's some more Arm Candy. Was it Zizzi who corrected me about the Real Meaning of that term? As you can see I'm still using it because:

(a) I quite like it

(b) I can't think of another term for lots & lots of elasticised bracelets tightly wound around each other causing massive cutting off of circulation to the Hand

(c) Nobody made an alternative suggestion.

Toy Chanel Outfit # 2

In the above Toy Chanel outfit, I am wearing at least three, if not four Chanel-inspired things. Can you pick them?

As a totally unrelated Side Issue, note that I am still Slavishly Wearing sockettes under my shoes. I just can't give them up. They're almost like Security Blankets which is a term that was originally coined by Charles M Schulz in 'Peanuts'. I read that yesterday in the newspaper because maybe there's some anniversary coming up.

I've often wondered what character in 'Peanuts' I am.

Of course I would absolutely love to be Lucy. Who wouldn't?

And I'd love to have the gay abandon of Snoopy sleeping on the roof of his house. But I would never do anything like that.

Charley Brown? Absolutely no.

Linus is probably the closest. He has his Security Blanket & I've got my Security Sockettes.

Toy Chanel Outfit #3

In the above photo, I've got soo much Toy Chanel on that I'm getting all tangled up in it.

A Merciful Break from Toy Coco.

Here I am dressed in sensible 'Max Mara Weekend'. And midnite blue Bally pumps worn of course with Security Sockettes.

Oh, everything is from 'BednobsEtc'.

The Sound of Snapping Asparagus.

What a shame that asparagus isn't spelled with an 's'.

Here is Maeflower, my daughter who made a lightning visit over the weekend. She arrived at 4pm, cooked the Sunday 'Mad Men' dinner, ate it whilst enthusiastically chatting to the usual guests & was in a taxi to the airport to transport her back to Canberra by 8.15 pm.

What a Wonder Woman.

Here she is snapping off the ends of these rather butch looking asparagus. I must say that I was shocked by the loud snapping sound they made. As if they were objecting to what was about to happen to them.

I must must must get into bed. The whole time I've been blogging I've had Marianne Faithfull on the TV being annoyingly interviewed by a smarmy Gen X interviewer who sycophantically lamented how she missed out on the sixties & what was it really like? Marianne knowingly laughed, & revealed that the Magic Ingredient at the time was Youth.

I've spent my entire life wanting to look like Marianne to no avail. But I'm not quite sure that I'd like to look like her now.

But look at Me & Maeflower taken before she started cooking.

She looks totally ravishing & On Trend with shorts with opaque tights, Ironic Boat Shoes & an Olive Green tee with charming text on it that says 'L.A.Mour'. My sentiments entirely.

I am wearing my new obsession which immediately makes me Simple & Chic- a Sweatband on my poor wrist. I am having an holiday from the Arm Candy & the stress of no circulation. Note the robot with diamante eyes pendant that looks v. perky with my 'BednobsEtc' Roberto Cavalli men's shirt. Just so you know, I am wearing fairly high heels in training to finally wear my 'Ferragamo' stilettos so I look taller than Mae. I'm not.

Like Sands Through the Hourglass, These Are the Days of Our Lives

A Mainly Show & Not Much Tell Kind of Post.

Holiday Residue #1.

During luncheon at 'Revolver' Cafe at Annandale with my friend, the Poetess Maud Darkstar, I was slightly surprised, but not alarmed when the green tea was served with a Pink Hourglass. It instantly reminded me of all those wasted hours I spent in my youth watching 'Days of Our Lives' which always began with a shot of an hourglass accompanied by the voice of Macdonald Carey saying, 'Like sands though the hourglass, these are the days of our lives'.

I always felt Slightly Guilty every time I heard it. Like I should be out Pole Vaulting or Abseiling or something instead of sitting in a darkened room watching TV.

Can you guess, O Reader, what the purpose of the hourglass was? I certainly had no idea at the time.

Holiday Residue #2.

I attended a wonderful 64th Birthday Party for my friend, Carol, the Temptress. She lives in a sophisticated apartment a stone's throw from mine. My apartment has too many Rotting Dolls & Doll houses in it to be considered sophisticated.

Being at Carol's made me feel all sophisticated & grown up . In fact, a little too grown up. Possibly elderly. Which wasn't helped by the hugely unflattering Wild Animal Print top with two huge fake flowers that hung off the side like horrid black hernias.

Quelle Horreur! What was I thinking?

It's just that I'm a sucker for Wild Animal Print. I hope that I'm not unconsciously trying to look like Jackie Collins.

Speaking of witch , I watched her Elderly Sister, Joan , in a 'Miss Marple' telemovie the other nite. OMG, she's let herself go. I never thought that she would let her little waist thicken.

But she has.

Holiday Residue #3.

Being a Pisces, I've always identified with mermaids & kind of toyed with the idea of wanting to become one for a while. Thank God I didn't take it further.

I'm standing outside 'The Revolver' Cafe again wearing a genuine 'Commes Des Garcons' shirt that I bought ages ago at 'BednobsEtc'. I rarely wear it because I'm frightened of wearing it out.

As I've mentioned in a previous post but undoubtedly you've forgotten, I'm currently reading John Water's book 'Role Models' at an Alzheimic Snail's Pace. John devotes a whole chapter to Rei Kawhatever who is the designer for 'CDG'. He loves her clothes because, according to him they are kind of unfinished & impractical & uncomfortable to wear & arty & jokey all at once. Like a jacket will come with tomato sauce stains down the front that are really part of the pattern of the fabric. Ha ha.

Sadly, my shirt is Sans Jokey Stains (except of course the ones that I have created myself), but it does look a little unfinished.

Holiday Residue #4.

This is what I wore on the last day of my hols. Note the Arm Candy below. Winding all these bracelets around my wrist together is my New Hobby. Or is it more correctly, a 'Pastime'?

The only downside is that it cuts off my circulation, which is a v. small price to pay.

I dislike the term 'Arm Candy' & would like to come up with a more appropriate name.

Am stumped at the moment. But that could be because its getting dangerously close to my Official Bedtime. If you can think of anything, please let me know. I'd be soo grateful.

Holiday Residue # 5.

I'm still Boot Camping.

Note my fab tee shirt, given to me by Bridget, one of my favourite Senior Students as a leaving gift. It says 'Fake it till you make it' which was what I always said to the class when they would ask me really annoying whiney questions like, 'what if I get into the exam & I can't remember anything?'

Note I'm wearing Twin Black Sweatbands which is also becoming Another Firm Favourite. I don't think that there is anything as simple & as chic as a couple of black sweatbands.

I've always ached to be Simple & Chic & now I am.

Have just watched an old episode of 'The Rachel Zoe Project'. Rachel was doing a Major Crawl Job to designer Diane von Furstenberg who said that she, Diane, had become, 'the woman she had always wanted to be'. And so, too had Rachel.

Holiday Residue #7

Here is a fantastic loaf that Moniker baked from a recipe from 'The River Cottage' cookbook. It was fab.

Today at lunch in the staffroom we had an argument about eating carbs after 5 pm which is one of my General Eating Rules, although I don't always stick to it.

Everyone scoffed at me. Someone sneerily asked how does Daylight Saving interfere with the rule? Does my body realise?

What Naysayers.

The Happiest Guy Ever

Ten Thousand Quiches.

It's sunday nite.

The 'Mad Men' dinner is over. I made a deliciously lite quiche with homemade shortcrust pastry & filled with sauteed onions & capsicum, three eggs, a carton of cream & a load of mini-Roma tomatoes on top sprinkled with shaved parmesan.

I have made at least ten thousand quiches in my lifetime starting at age 26. I am now 57 & a half or just over.

For starters, I served miniature 'Babybel' cheeses encased in red wax with French Toast that came in a packet featuring a picture of Le Tour Eiffel. When I told my daughter, Maeflower on the phone that I was serving this , she laughed at me & called me perhaps twee. Maybe she used the term 'Bogan' as well. I laughed too.

'Mad Men' was Hugely Compelling, although the Huge Wowser who lives inside of me was getting mightily fed up with the enormous amount of booze that everyone was knocking back at ten o'clock in the morning.

I've just done a massive clean up involving a lot of spraying of surfaces & loading of dishwasher. Dear God, I hope I haven't Overloaded It.

I am in a Reflective Mood, hence the picture of Brooding Elvis which cheerily opens the post.

The Holidays are over. For now.

Tomorrow I go back to school.

I don't want to go.

I take this as a Good Sign. I must have enjoyed The Holidays.

I do so wish this was a Haiku.

Suburban Safari

Almost, but not quite, in the grand tradition of such Notable Nesting Blogs as Apartment Therapy & Design Sponge, Della herself will now conduct you, Dear Reader on a House Tour.

My friend AJ & I travelled a Considerable Distance into the very heart of Sydney Suburbia to bring this tour to you.

And you can see that I'm suitably dressed for the occasion in a Safari Outfit. Sadly, I forgot the topee.

The home belongs to Moniker & Ellen. A fibro house built in the 1940s, it is situated at the end of a cul de sac. Oh I do love peppering my blog with French Phrases!

AJ & I were impressed with the overall peace & calm of the place which is only occasionally broken by the sound of a neigbouring whippersnipper. Although I did notice a rather persistent barking dog that kept it up throughout our wonderful roast pork dinner.

(In case you were wondering, I am a Recovering Noise Nazi. This means that in spite of the fact that I live in one of the noisiest areas in Australia, Kings Cross & that I'm rather noisy myself, the slightest outside noise sends me into a frenzy. I am now attempting to get over this & sincerely wish that there was a Twelve-Step Program for Noise. However, I have made some small progress on my own. I now can withstand hearing the Fragrant Man Upstairs continuously playing 'Memories' on the piano without having to scream into a pillow.)

Here's Moniker holding up an amazing light she recently sourced from 'Ikea'. I so want one.

You may recall that in my last post I said that I found 'Ikea' upsetting. And I know for a fact that AJ does too. But, to tell the truth, I haven't set foot in an 'Ikea' since my daughter Maeflower was a child & we bought a strange elevated bed there for her which was almost impossible to put together & completely impossible to dismantle when we moved. In fact, the only way we could dismantle it was to take to it with an axe which is absolutely not what you want to do with furniture that cost good money.

I knew that there was a really good reason for me wanting to go to Spain.

Yes, so that I can go to the gift shop at The Prado & buy these absolutely gorgeous little paper 'Infantas' from the famous Velaquez painting. I'm not sure if I've spelt Velaquez properly. But I'm sure you know who I mean & what the famous painting is.

Moniker has got such a great eye! She spotted them there & lugged a whole troupe of them back home so that now they take pride of place inside her retro dresser.

It sounds like I'm doing a really big crawl job, but its totally true that Moniker is a great cook. I just loved how she'd actually shelled real peas & broad beans for our dinner.

I can't remember the last time I shelled peas. I definitely would have been a child. It was one domestic pastime that My Mother felt was safe enough for me to attempt. Not like the ironing.

Moniker's favourite cooking show is River Cottage on the Food Channel which is hosted by this guy with a name that is straight out of Wodehouse. I wish I could remember it. I quite like it but I don't like the way he lovingly slaughters pigs & just about every other living thing on his farm & then endlessly bangs on about wonderfully 'Organic' everything he kills is. But then I had no difficulty scoffing down large lashings of roast pork with crackling that Moniker cooked. My father used to pride himself on his pork crackling. He considered it a Sacred Art. He would put the pork into the oven & then turn up the heat to v.v. high & let it cook like that for about twenty minutes. And then he'd turn it down to normal. Suddenly crackling would form.

Moniker has two poodles, Black & White. Here's White sitting on the bed. Talk about the bleeeding obvious. I loved the pillowcases & loved even more the wall decorations which I absolutely refuse to describe. You'll just have to double click on the image to get a better look.

I must get back to the TV & Chelsea Lately. That's the name of her show, but her name is Chelsea Handler. She is rather deadpan. Some would consider her crude & perhaps somewhat potty mouthed. I was interested to learn from watching the show that when men don't wear underwear its called, 'going Commando'. But maybe I already knew that from when Kramer stopped wearing undies on 'Seinfeld' & I'd just forgotten it.

How many times do I have to learn something before it sticks, I wonder?

Establishing My Paternity

Ed Asner Could Have Been My Father.

Previously on 'Della Street Dreaming': After watching part of an episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Our Heroine was slightly disturbed at discovering that she found the character of Lou Grant, played by Ed Asner, Somewhat Sexy. She wondered that she may have unexpectedly developed a Father Complex. But then she remembered that she was currently 57 which was probably Ed's actual age when he made the show. Relief set in. She always knew that she was Nothing, if Not Age Appropriate.

Back to Now:

1. After extensive Wikiing. Or is it Wicking? Or perhaps you would prefer the more formal, Wikerpediaring?, I discovered that Ed is actually old enough to be my father. He is 80.

2. As I am adopted & have no REal Idea who my biological father is, there is nothing to say that he isn't Ed Asner.

3. Look look look at me wearing jeans in 1983. It was probably the last pair I owned. No need for me to use a Butt Cam which nowadays is generously provided in many jean shops . And look how high they are. Almost Empire Line.

I could say a whole lot more about Bottoms & how I've always felt that people including me hold Major Sadness in them, but I won't. Perhaps that's just another Fanciful Thought along with the idea that Grey is the Colour of Fear which I now know is untrue.

But I still think that some Bottoms look v. sad, particularly if they resemble pears.

4. Look at how long my hair was back then. I swear to God that is its natural colour. And I don't really care if you don't believe me. So, maybe my Real Dad isn't Ed Asner, who came from an Orthodox Jewish family from Russia.

Perhaps my father was a Swede, although I am not fond of overly cold winters, or Scandanavian Moderne Design, & I find 'Ikea' upsetting & Saunas claustrophobic. Oh, & I am one of the v. few people I've met who was bored rigid through most of 'The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo'. The book I mean, not the movie, which I absolutely wouldn't see because I could kind of read the violence, but I couldn't watch it.

And I dislike Daylight Saving which has just sadly arrived, so I would totally loathe those long days in Sweden when the sun doesn't set until 3am or whatever.

As you can see, I am an absolute treasure trove of information about Swedes.

5. Have just watched the last half of 'Annie Hall', a great favourite of mine back when I was wearing those Sad Bum Jeans. As usual, I found Diane Keaton really annoying, but loved her outfits, particularly the shirts, waistcoats & tie look which I'm sure you are familiar with. If not, go & google it. You won't be disappointed.

I'd love to walk you through my favourite parts of the movie (& there are many), but I won't because I'm desperate to watch a show on Decoding Hieronymus Bosch's Disturbing Paintings.

But I will point out a couple of things: (a) Christopher Walken played Annie's truly disturbing brother in what must have been one of his first roles. But perhaps I should consult 'Uncle Wiki', (or is it, 'Aunt'?) before I make such claims;

(b) Jeff Goldblum, in what I am almost certain is his first (uncredited) film role as a guest at a LA party that Annie & Woody attend who is on the phone asking what his mantra is because he has forgotten it. Please be assured that it was funny in the film if not on the blog.

Some jokes just don't make that leap.

Feel the Crimplene!

Do YOU Know Your Favourite Fashion Year?

In my Desperate Bid to watch as much Cable TV as I possibly can now I'm paying for it myself, I have been forced to watch 'The Mary Tyler Moore Show'.

Actually, I've only watched it Almost Once, but I just couldn't bring myself to Complete the Episode. I'm sure it was funny back in 1970, but try as I might, last nite I could only raise a weak smile at the Narcissistic Weather Man on the show. But then, I always weakly smile at Narcissists.

What was strangely disconcerting though, was my sudden attraction to Mary's boss, Lou Grant. Why didn't I realise before that he was kind of sexy, I pondered. Am I developing a Father Complex perhaps?

But then I remembered that I was 57 & a half. And probably older than Lou was back in 1970.

Anyway, I just totally loved all the outfits worn by Mary & her two annoying neighbours. I could almost feel & smell the Crimplene! Such a Miracle Fabric! Shame about the sweating, though.

I realised that 1970 has got to be My Favourite Fashion Year. No one, except Mediterranean Widows & the Hateful Nuns who taught me seemed to have worn black back then. It was all Tangerine & Watermelon & Apple Green & White, although Camel & beige got a good airing as well. And not much jewelry. They just let the clothes do the talking.

I'm not going to say much more about 1970 fashion, nor am I prepared to walk you through what I actually wore back then when I wasn't lurching around in my grey & yellow Brigidine Convent school uniform. Whatever I wore always looked far better in my mind than actually on my body.

One item of adornment that No one would look good in is a pair of Shrek Plush Ears. I spied them in the supermarket yesterday en route to the Instant Oats Section & marvelled at their Inexplicableness & later heartily congratulated myself for being able to resist the urge to place them inside my trolley.
Must hop into bed now. Since its Holidays, I will allow myself a little lee-way to have some reading time before Lights Out. Now I've gone so far as to recommend a book, I must must must read it.

But a little part of me would much rather read about Brad's 'split' from Rachel Zoe on people.com.

Stay tuned for more on my Role Models & see what I bought at the 'Dinosaur Designs' Warehouse Sale & what I've bought lately at 'BednobsEtc'. Oh, the thrills just keep on coming!