More Decorating & the Dumped Woman

Here's some more decorating touches that I've added to my apartment now that I'm living alone & don't have to please anyone else.

In my last 'Decorating & the Dumped Woman' blog entry, I posted  some Spring Floral Arrangements. 

Of course, they're all dead now. That's why I like Fake, like these yummy fake pears that I just bought at my favourite thrift shop, 'Beatniks & Bohemians'.

But at the market last saturday I found these large Toucanesque flowers that I hope may last a few weeks. Don't be put off by the upside-down bird hanging off them. It's just my little joke.

As the apartment is singularly devoid of any Male Energy at the moment, I decided to remedy the situation & place a doll of  Friedrich Nietszche (poor spelling) on the couch. I know it's a poor substitute for the Real Thing, but it will have to do for the time being.  I can definitely feel an increase in testosterone. 

The Tale of the Half-Mast Pants.

Most Saturday mornings, I get up & trudge across the road & meet my friends Jenny & Di at the Local Faux-Organic Food Market. We buy skim lattes from the 'Toby's Estate' coffee stall & then sit down & look at everyone.

There's usually a reasonable variety of people to look at.

Tragic Drag Queens still up from the night before, homeless people, brisk, well-groomed 'empty nester' couples, gay guys buying fresh flowers & fresh trout, local eccentrics & loads of v. pampered dogs. Oh, & a lot of people who look like Graphic Designers.  Potts Point has the highest number of Graphic Designers per capita in Australia.

Usually our conversation v. quickly turns to What Women are Wearing. On Saturday, we noticed  large numbers of Half-Mast Pants. You know what I mean - pants that finish way above the ankle, possibly on the Shin. 

All kinds of women were sporting this look in a variety of different pants - track pants, jeans, white pants, black pants, but perhaps not cargo pants. They seem to be Over for now.

I am a complete Pants Innocent. I know absolutely nothing about them as I haven't worn pants in decades. The last time I owned a pair of jeans was in 1981. 

I turned my nose up at pants because I was annoyed that I had short stumpy legs & not long leggy legs like Cher.

And my mother liked to make unfortunate comparisons between the appearance of my bum in jeans & an elephant's bum.

"Your bum looks like Jessie the Elephant in those jeans"

"Shut up Mum. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?"

"If I don't tell you, no one else will"

"Thank God they won't"

Mum finally won. And I haven't regretted it. Je ne regrette rien. 

So pants don't really exist in My Wardrobe Universe. But for Jenny & Di, pants are their Best Wardrobe Friends. They know everything there is to know about them. Di pointed out to me that the problem with Half-Mast Pants was that they cut off women's legs & make them look like short stumps. 

Here's Di & her Feet in the photos above. You can see that there's nothing short & stump- like about her. In the first photo, she's channelling Kate Moss, which is something that I'd never think to do. She's got a three-button white tee shirt that is from the Kate Moss collection for London's 'Top Shop'. The country & western plaid shirt & fisherman's cap also have vague echos of Dear Kate. 

But the thing I just love is Di's toenails. I know they look black, but their supposed to be v. dark blue. The brand is O.P.I. & the shade is called 'Light my Sapphire'. Next time I go to 'USA Nails', I'm going to get that colour but with white strips at the top like in a French manicure. 

Can't wait!

The Invisible Makeover

In yesterday's post I mentioned that I thought I'd had a Mini-Makeover.

Now I'm not so sure.

I definitely had my hair cut & my eyebrows shaped & tinted, but except for a shorter fringe which beautifully highlights the frown marks between my eyes, I don't look any different. 

Oh, & I sprayed some 'Sun-In' on the top of my hair which lightened it a bit.

In any case, my Failed Makeover was very cheap:

1. Hair cut at 'Just Cuts' - $24. I got a free shampoo because I told the hairdresser that even though I had only washed my hair yesterday, it was looking oily & sad.  She seemed to take pity on me.

2. Eyebrow Shape & Tint at Beautician  - $29.

3. 'Sun-In'  Spray on lightener - one or two sprays from a $12 bottle.

Now that I'm on two weeks holiday, I'm wearing English Teacher's Holiday Clothes, which is basically the same stuff as  English Teacher's Wardrobe, but with more Casual Abandon. I'm itching to wear Flip-Flops or maybe even Gladiator Sandals so I can show off my $30 pedicure from 'USA Nails'. 

I hope that I'm not being too Self-Disclosing by revealing how much everything costs.

 It's just that I'm a Reverse Snob. Unless it's cheap it doesn't give me any pleasure.

In fact, why not reveal how much my outfit cost?

1. Faux Missoni printed shirt -$3.

1. One large Earring made from a shell - $5

3. Thrifted skirt from 'Supre' - $3.

4. 'Akira' fabric offcut worn as a scarf - $5.

5. Long faux gold chain with a key chain I found somewhere that says 'Schiaparelli' - no more than $5.

6. Bracelets with little religious paintings from a Mexican shop in Los Angeles - $15 for two.

Gosh that's Cheap. 

And worth every cent, I say!

I've Always Wanted to Be a Zen Monk & Now I Am

Yesterday was the last day of term.

The photos were taken in our staff room which is in a state of disarray because we're moving our desks away from each other. Everyone is sick to the back gills of sitting up like a pack of Disaffected Battery Hens on top of one  another. So we're moving.

I must admit that I wouldn't want to sit next to me. I'm not just being Self-Effacing, or displaying a dreaded lack of Self-Worth, heaven forbid, but I do have a number of annoying habits. I won't bore you with the full list as I don't want to appear too Charmless & Oafey, but one of them is Noisy Headphones. It drives people nuts.

You see, I'm noise phobic, so when I'm at my desk & not contributing to the cacophony myself, I stick my headphones on & listen to Brain wave tracks that sound like rain with maybe a fan going on in the background. The tracks are supposed to induce an Alpha or a Theta state in my brain which is optimum for being calm, centred & creative, but sadly, those around me only hear  loud hissing coming from the headphones.

Even though it really does just sound like a massive amount of rain bucketing down, somehow it works, not that I want to sound like an Infomercial. Not only does it mask the surrounding noise, but my mind focusses clearly on whatever I'm doing on the computer - School Work or Blog Work. 

Centerpointe, the US company that sells this 'Neurotechnology', claims that by simply listening to them on stereo headphones you can, 'Meditate like a Zen Monk'. I've always wanted to be a Zen Monk, & now I am. 

Look closely at the words on my bangle. Can you see that it says, 'Peace'? How Zen is that? I got it when I was in the US on my last hols, at 'Forever 21' which I'm sure is often frequented by Zen Monks. The smock top is another US item from 'Anthropologie', another Zen Monk favourite.

In Tomorrow's Post, I'll be in Holiday Mode or at least in Dumped Woman's Holiday Mode.

 I've already had a semi-makeover - an Eyebrow Wax & Tint & a Haircut. Hope you'll tune in to see the results.

 Very Zen.

Because I'm Worth It

Today was payday. 

I decided to reward myself  by going shopping.

First cab off the rank was my favourite local thrift shop, 'Beatniks & Bohemians'. It's a tiny and uninviting  place which is attached to a  drop-in centre for Street People. I find going there a bit stressful, because you've got to fight your way between other pushy woman bursting for a bargain & junkie shop-lifters.

 But it has the best stuff, generously donated by the Grand & Guilty woman of our area. I just love cruising the designer labels as I flick through the racks. Today, for instance, I tried on a Dries Van Noten amazing thick boiled  wool sweater with huge unfortunate sleeves that gave me Footballers Arms.

I ended up buying a whole lot of polyester clothes, which suits me fine as I absolutely don't iron. I was discouraged from ironing at an early age by my mother who found watching me doing anything that involved a degree of risk, like holding a hot iron, too upsetting to watch. She claimed my left-handedness made everything I did look somehow wrong or dangerous. 

So, I've never ironed.

I bought the brown dress above, & The Mature Shoes which I'm sure some well-heeled Old Dowager got loads of fun out of.  I'm not sure about either item, but that's the beauty of Thrift Shopping, particularly at charity stores. If it looks crap, shove it back in the bin. 

My second shopping expedition involved going to a posh shop in a posh shopping street & buying a scented candle. It was by Jo Malone & the perfume is Wild Jasmine & Mint. Have you noticed that Smells are getting more & more complicated & exotic?

 Even my Tea-Tree, Lemongrass & Kaffir Leaf Cruelty-Free 'Kitchen Hands' liquid soap sounds like it was cooked up by a celebrity chef. 

You may wonder why I splashed out to buy an expensive scented candle. 

1. Cheap candles from China are toxic.

2. Candles made from essential oils hardly smell.

3. I wanted an endorphin high from shopping.

4. I enjoyed carrying the 'Jo Malone' shopping bag around. In fact, a stylish young lady got into the lift in my apartment building this evening, & when she saw the bag said, 'Oh, Jo Malone candles! Aren't they divine?' I felt affirmed.

Isn't that what shopping is all about?

Smiling Dwarf & Wise Twin

The Wise Twin Revealed
Originally uploaded by middleagedteacher

Even though I finished with my Senior Class last friday, today was their last official day at school.
In Australia, the last day of school for Year 12 has always been called 'Muck Up Day', & was always considered one of the Rites of Passage into Adulthood.
In my day, jubilant school leavers would pelt the school with flour & eggs & maybe put a For Sale sign on the front gates. Boys schools would often use slightly rougher tactics involving making doughnuts in cars, balls & chains, paint & maybe some nudity.
But today, in a World Gone Mad with Occupational Health & Safety & Public Liability Issues, 'Muck Up Day' has become tame.
Our girls were read the Riot Act weeks ago. There was to be NO Bad Behaviour. Not a sausage. If anyone so much as signed their name on someone's uniform, which, by the way is a breach of copyright because the school owns the design, there would be DIRE Consequences.
So the girls got around the restrictions by adding little frills & flounces & bows to their summer uniforms & wobbling around in ridiculously high heels. The School Captain designed & made a frilly little black & red corset which she wore over her uniform. Straight out of 'Best Little Whorehouse in Texas'.
Of course, this is perfect for our area as the school is right in the middle of Sydney's Red Light District.
Here I am with my Official Wardrobe Remix Photographer, The Wise Twin. For nearly a year, she has taken hundreds of photos of me in front of the whiteboard. Wise Twin has really learnt lots about the intricacies of taking the perfect Wardrobe Shot. That's one thing that I've taught her.
But as I said in yesterday's post, Life Moves On & I've already found a replacement in one of my junior classes.

No Wonder Our Self Esteem is Distorted

I'll never forget my first day employed as a teacher.

 It was early on a monday morning about three weeks into the school year when I got a phone call from the Deputy Principal of the local high school. He needed a substitute to replace a teacher who had committed suicide over the weekend. It would only be for a few days until a permanent replacement was appointed. 

I was a bit stunned getting the call because the whole time I was at University I was constantly being told there were no jobs for teachers. And so I never bothered paying attention to anything I was supposed to learn.  It was all as boring as batshit & they made us play tennis, which was a Hugely Shaming Experience because I couldn't hit the ball over the net. My coach told me that I obviously had a Major Problem with Self-Esteem, which was all the rage at the time. To this day I still can't see the connection between Low Self Esteem & Hand-Eye Coordination. 

Anyway, back to the First Monday Morning of my Teaching Career. I reluctantly got dressed in something that I thought looked vaguely teacherly & trudged up to the school. I sat  in the corridor outside the Deputy's office watching a depressing cavalcade of staff & students drift by.  Finally, the Principal arrived & the deputy stepped out of his office to greet him.  

'Mr. Wardrop, have you heard the news about Wally? He finally topped himself on saturday night.'

'That's terrible, Tom. What a loss to the school. Who've you got in to replace him?'

'She's sitting right here, Mr. Wardrop'.

That was the First Big Lesson of my Teaching Life: it doesn't matter how sad everyone is when you leave or die, in the end all they worry about is who's going to replace you. 

Life Moves On.

And that's exactly what happened today. Even though I'm slightly sad that I've finished with my Senior Class & that my designated photographer, The Wise Twin, is no more, I had to quickly find a replacement for her from one of my other classes. It wasn't that hard.  

I'm quite proud of my whiteboard work which my new photographer, who's yet to get a screen name, captured quite well. In case you were wondering, we were deconstructing the Vile ' Dove' Evolution ad which does a great job in positioning 'Dove' as the bastions of puky  Self-Esteem. After showing us a speeded-up version of the transformational effects of make-up, lighting & Photoshop on an average looking young woman, the ad ends with this slogan, 'No wonder our perception of beauty is distorted'.

Give me Estee Lauder any day.