Not a Bucket List

All right already.

I've been too freakin busy visiting the Psychiatrist, the Psychotherapist, The Psychologist, the Eyebrow Waxer, The Beauty Therapist, The Supermarket, The Gym & The School Counsellor to be bothered writing a blog entry. Not that you probably noticed anyway. You were probably far too busy yourself with all your own appointments.

And then of course there's work to attend to. That's me above doing work.

But back to all my appointments. Just let me take a moment to walk you through them.

1. Dr. Jagdep or whatever her name is. She's the shrink. I haven't bonded with her so I haven't bothered remembering her name. And I hate her lousy Prozac & the Other Stuff she loves handing out like toilet paper.

And you know what? I stopped taking it. And I never even bothered having my Valium prescription filled. Can you tell?

I got migraines. My Mind rebelled.

2. Dr Brendan McDreamy the psychotherapist. He hangs off my every word & then says stuff like 'That must be v. hard for you'. I love him.

3. Valerie the Psychologist. She practices Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. Every time I see her I have to eat a Big Reality Sandwich. She says stuff like, 'There's no evidence that Mr. Ex-Middleaged feels bad. In fact, he probably feels pretty good right now'. I hate her.

4. Aoki the Eyebrow Waxer. Every three weeks. Now my Eyebrows have a Personality all of their own. They should have their own Reality Show. Aoki is eighteen weeks pregnant & is leaving. I feel abandoned.

5. Zara The Know-All Beauty Therapist. Every week for eight weeks, Zara is shining a LED light on my face for twenty minutes which feels like a near-death experience. Each week she gives me a nasty bulletin on how my face is doing. This week she said my capillaries are exploding. It was v. hot. And my skin needs more hydration. I'm now drinking electrolytes.

I can't be bothered going through the rest of the list. You've probably had enough by now anyway.