I'm Not Afraid of You, You're Nothing But a Pack of Cards!

Today Trixie & I went to see Alice in Wonderland which we both thought was an entirely misleading title. I won't bother walking you through the Plot, but suffice to say that Lewis Carroll was only interested in little girls & he certainly wouldn't have recognised Tim Burton's Alice who was chronologically old enough to get married, although not mentally old enough.

Problems With Unwanted Wetness.

I, of course had never seen 3D before. Such An Eternal Naif!

I nearly wet my pants, which at my age is not really that uncommon, although I'm not at the stage when I have to wear, what are those things called?

Elderly Nappies perhaps? I'm sure they've got some fancy euphemistic name escapes me.

I just remembered! Incontinency Pads. Or perhaps 'Incontinence Pads'

Anyway, The Magic of 3D was better than anything I'd ever experienced before. Just about.

And when a butterfly popped out at me at the end, I became v. excited & immediately took it as a sign of My Imminent Transformation. I'm not sure into what, though.

I wonder what's going on with me?

Last nite it was Imminent Resurrection.

Spoiler Alert!

Trixie & I both gave 'Alice' seven & a half out of ten because the plot stunk. You knew what was going to happen straight after she fell down the rabbit hole when Whatever His Name Was, the Smoking Caterpiller dragged out some old parchment that was supposed to be An Oracle which said that Alice was going to slay the Jabberwocky.

And that's what happened. The End.

Big Woop.

There was a Big Disney Message in there about Not Being a Wimpy Girly Wus (pronounced 'Wous' as in 'Cous Cous', you know, the Moroccan dish) which actually I quite liked & is certainly a v. apt Take Home Message for me right now.

Believe it or not, I have enormous Wussy Tendencies which I have to Urgently Overcome because I have my own Personal Jabberwocky to slay at the moment. I will reveal all when I've slayed him.

Final Regrets.

My favourite line in 'Alice in Wonderland' & perhaps in all the books that I've read so far, which incidentally for an English Teacher is not that many, is when Alice says to the Queen & her army, 'I'm not afraid of you, you're nothing but a pack of cards!'

I love it I love it I love it. I love it so much I want it on my tombstone.

Alice didn't say it in the film.

Here's what I wore to Alice:

1. Navy.

2. A Real, not Toy vintage Chanel scarf.

3. A Homage to Le Tour Eiffel.

Can you see it? Its a ring. You'll have to click on the image to actually see it. Go on. I bet you haven't got anything better to do.

I am absolutely Not a Francophile. I have never read 'A Year in Provence'. And I find I have little in common with other middleagedwomen who bang on endlessly about Frenchiness. The one & only time I went to Paris was when I was 21 & I wore massively bum-widening stonewash jeans.

But lately, everywhere I look, I see images of Le Tour Eiffel. Today for instance. I walked in to my favourite in the World Mall shop, 'Diva'. And what did I find? Yes, the ring. And these gorgeous little badges which I will wear tomorrow.

I just loved the second badge: 'A girl should be two things - Classy & Fabulous'.

I must must must remember that.

What Character Would I Be in 'Alice'?

Lastly, every time I see a movie that I like & I did like 'Alice', even though I only gave it a High B, I always ask myself what character am I in it. For instance, in 'The Sound of Music', I'm the Mother Superior, as well as The Countess who was going to put all the Von Trapp kids into boarding school once she snared The Captain.

In 'Alice', I would not be Alice herself. Nor would I be The Red Queen. I could never say, 'Off with her head' with such insouciance. Nor could I be The White Queen because I'm not interested in Ann Hathaway & wouldn't want to be her or any of her characters.

No, I'd be this really crapped off white mouse who was voiced by the Cockney actress, Barbara Windsor who must be about 80 now but used to be the little but busty blonde in the 'Carry On' films. Not that I sound like a Cockney. Or that I'm busty.

Even though its Holidays, its my Official Bedtime.

Can't wait to wake up tomorrow.

Au Revoir, mes amis (Franglais)