Because you see, I've been dumped.
Yes, after fourteen or so years, Mr. Middleaged decided that he needed Time & Space.
When it first happened, one of the many thoughts that raced through my mind was, 'Oh, No, I won't be able to do the blog now because I'll be Too Sad!' Also, he'd become a character in the blog - in fact one of my last entries entitled, 'Decorating & the Straight Man', showcased his interior design skills in our Beach House.
How would I be able to carry on, posting Miserable Little Wardrobe Shots of myself looking Brave & breezily not mentioning him? What the hell would I have to talk about? Would I have to start inserting Lame Recipes & photographing Creative Meals for One featuring Giant Zucchinis? Perhaps a tour of my pantry? Maybe my handbag?
I don't think so.
So, I decided the only thing I could do was to Tell the Truth. Of course, there's always a few snags connected with doing that, particularly if you Overshare, which I'm really tempted to do right at the moment. But I've got to think of My Students. I've always thought that none of them could be bothered reading the blog, but just lately I've become aware that some of the Really Really Lovely Ones occasionally do read it. And I don't want to Creep them Out. So girls, if you're reading this, ignore it - it's just Old People's Stuff. I promise you that I won't break down in the classroom or throw some weirdly embarrassing tanty over nothing.
But back to Me & the Big Breakup. One of the Big Shocks that I got was when I jumped on the scales a couple of days after I'd been Dumped. I'd lost two kilos in two days! It was like a Little Gift from the Weight Fairy. It usually takes about a month of eating like an anorexic for me to lose even half a pound. I wouldn't go as far to say that it was almost worth being dumped to have such a fantastic weight loss, but it felt pretty damned good.
Because the thing was that I couldn't eat. Food just stopped doing it for me. But then my daughter came to stay with me for a couple of days. And I couldn't not eat in front of her. So I decided that I'd just eat things that normally I wouldn't allow myself to eat & haven't eaten for years. So far, I've eaten a large fries from Maccas, two double-coated chocolate 'Tim Tam' biscuits, two-minute noodles, plates of pasta & six pieces of deep-fried crumbed veal. I've also totally relaxed my ban on carbs after lunch.
I'm so glad that I've managed to write all this. I've got oodles more to say but I'll leave it until tomorrow. Oh, just one last thing - the Dumped Doll in the picture was my First Toy. Her name's Jane & she's part of my Rotting Doll Collection.