Paris Hilton is Mandatory

This week is Oratory Week. Girls from all the junior classes, 7-10, have to give a speech during their English class. The teacher then selects a Class Finalist who competes in the Year Final. In some ways, it's an easy gig for me as I mostly just have to sit there & record their time from the Official Class Timekeeper, write some comments & wack in a grade from A to E. But at times my role demands that I become a cross between a Really Strict Game Show Host (UK TV have this awful quiz show run by a middleaged blond woman with spectacles perched at the tip of her nose who insults all the contestants) & a Really Really Caring Talent Show Judge (Paula Abdul comes to mind, but maybe she's a little too nutty & unpredictable)
Overall, the girls perform well, making earnest & thought-provoking speeches about 'Success' or 'Chaos' or 'The Power of Love'. Just about everyone, regardless of the topic manages to mention Paris Hilton, it's like we've made Paris Mandatory.
"AN IMPORTANT ELEMENT OF ANY EFFECTIVE SPEECH IS TO MAKE REFERENCE TO PARIS HILTON."
One student chose her topic from a list we handed out, 'Power is the Ultimate Aphrodisiac'. Unfortunately, her Geography teacher read it , declared that the topic was 'Inappropriate for girls at a Catholic school', & dutifully confiscated it. The poor child came to me in tears. I just told her to re-write it. Clearly, Geography Teachers don't teach Shakespeare.
Of course I didn't give a speech, but I wrote almost my favourite topic on the board, which is a quote from my Ugly Baby Hero, Winston Churchill. This would be the speech I would have given if I was in the Oratory Competition.
Note my Prizefighter's Arms. I knew this jacket had a problem when I put it on in the morning, but persisted with wearing it because of my Strict Wardrobe Rule- if it's in the Wardrobe patiently waiting to be chosen, then it must be chosen, if only occasionally. No One Wants to Be Left Out.