Wearing My Heart

At present, I'm sitting right bang in the middle of Friday Night. And I'd really rather hop into The Bath & soak my Gym-Infested Muscles than write this blog post.

 So I'm going to write it v. quickly & not bother to correct any mistakes. And I'm just going to tell you anything that comes into my head. And I may or may not bother to explain why I've included three days worth of photos of Jackets rather than just the one jacket worn three different ways that I have to wear to be in the Previously-Mentioned Mervat's Jacket Challenge. It's just that I like to make my own rules. Or maybe Flaunt the Rules. Or at least I wish I would.

Where was I? Oh yes, Baths. Not long after Mr. Ex-Middleaged left, I abandoned having showers.

 For the past ten months, I've had a total of three showers. You may think that this is totally Disrespectful to Water, my having baths. How could I be such a wastrel when we're running out of water, aren't we? 

Let me assure you, they're only piddley little baths. More like Puddles really. It's amazing that I manage to splash around in them at all. 

But the truth is, I couldn't get the water temperature in the shower right. Every morning, I'd turn the shower on & be alternately frozen to death with cold water or risk being Scalded Alive with Boiling Water. It's one of the perils of living on the eighth floor of a building that was built in 1929.

So out of Sheer Necessity, I now get up an hour earlier each morning & sit in the bath, which sounds relaxing, but isn't quite.

And tonight I am desperate for yet another bath  so I can soak myself in Lavender Oil from the Supermarket which is my Latest Beauty Indulgence, along with having my Eyebrows & Eyelashes tinted & waxed every two weeks.

It's now only a Hop, Skip & a Jump to having Botox injections or maybe little Chipmunk inserts in the side of my mouth to eradicate Rapidly Growing Marionette Lines, or 'Naso-Labial Folds'.

Every friday afternoon, I go to the gym to do my favourite class called Body Balance which is a combination of tai chi, yoga & pilates set to catchy music which of course totally defeats the purpose of doing yoga in the first place, but who cares when you can grow Arm Muscles?

 The gym is inside the Bondi Westfield shopping centre which is just like every shopping centre in the entire world. Except that I noticed that it's now got a 'Chanel' shop. So, today after the class, I rushed down to the shop & stared inside & at the window displays. I didn't dare go inside because I was carrying a Counterfeit Quilted Chanel Bag & I thought that the Rather Dour Shop Attendants might surround me & make a Citizen's Arrest or something.

Now, there's Two Things that I've told you about myself that Someone might tell me off for: 1. Having Baths 2. Having a Counterfeit Bag.

Anyway, I stood for quite a while examining the Slightly Showy Charcoal Quilted Chanel Bag that had kind of Old Communist Badges dangling off it in the window. It was like a Homage to Russia, I guess in honour of all those Wealthy Russian Oligarchs Wives who are probably the only people in the world who can afford a quilted bag right now. Of course, I'd love a Real Quilted Bag. But could I wear one featuring Lenin or Stalin? It's like wearing Mao tee shirts.  Who wants to wear a Mass Murderer? I certainly don't.

Give me Counterfeit any day.