Monday, October 19, 2009

Please Please Be Real.

Look at me.
Don't think that for a moment that I'm looking Smug.
Anything But.
My slightly Cat the Swallowed the Canary expression is masking enormous pain. But before I tell the source of it, let me just briefly mention that 'the cat that swallowed the canary' expression was one of my parent's favourites. I remember when I was in Year 9, a v. unfortunate looking boy arrived at our house to escort me to his School Formal. Poor boy had tiny little piggy eyes & perhaps some acne marks, or were they just pimples? He was also quite short with a hair cut a little like Rod Stewart's in 1968. Or maybe he was preempting Billy Ray Cyrus's Mullet by a couple of decades. I can't be Exactly Sure.
Anyway, Poor Boy walked in the door in a rented nylon suit & a shiny face & beamed at my parents who were as usual casually sipping their whisky & sodas. It was the first time that anybody had actually called to pick me up, so I guess it was my first date. And I already thought , 'How has it come to this?'
Later, my father said that the boy looked like the Cat that Swallowed the Canary after he saw me in my Shiny silver A-line lurex dress, sparkly white tights & black patent little heels.

Back to My Current Pain.
After breakfast on the day of the photo, I trotted as usual down to 'Bednobs Etc', my favourite thrift store. When I walked in, I saw a woman holding a black quilted with the large gold chain Mark Jacobs bag. I watched her take it to the counter & get twenty bucks out.
'Ooo......that's a really good fake', I chirp, sidling towards the counter. My hands reach out to touch it. I couldn't help but open the Golden clasp & peer inside. Beautiful maroon, or was it light pink, suede lining?
It was Real.
I nearly Wet My Pants.
I raced to the rotting basket where they keep the handbags, hoping against hope that the person who donated the Mark Jacobs might have decided to throw out her Chanel .255 Quilted as well.
I picked up the little Stephen Sprouse Graffiti Bag that you see in the photo. Could this be real? Please Please be Real.
Sadly, there was a man in the shop who used to work for Australian Customs. He knew all about how to tell if something is fake. Apparently the Big Giveaway is Double Stitching. Real bags have only single stitching. Stephen Sprouse had Double Stitching.
Mitch, the kindly 'Bednobs Etc' assistant felt sorry for me & took a dollar off the bag. I couldn't say No.
As soon as I woke up the next day, I thought about The Real Mark Jacobs Bag. I couldn't stop thinking about it.
I thought about Madonna. Guy Ritchie, her ex-husband said recently that she was, 'the best Manifester in the world maybe'. I bet Madonna could have 'Manifested' the bag if she went into 'Bednobs'. Why can't I?
Back to the Zen Handbook.

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