The Insatiable Quest for Authenticity

1. The Fashion Police.

It is Saturday Nite. Exhausted from my usual 5pm Saturday Body Balance class at the Gym, I sit on the couch munching my usual Default Dinner - A Tuna Salad fortified with Baby Asparagus & Avocado.

I don't seem to be able to go a day without an Avocado.

Lately, they've been as Hard as Rocks.

So disappointing & frustrating, particularly when I try & eat them. But that's a whole other story.

As I munch, I watch The Style Network's, 'Fashion Police'.

Joan Rivers & Juliana Rancid & one of those Kardashians as well as a little Style Goblin who often features on Makeover Shows are sitting around discussing Fashion Crimes at the Grammys which must have just been on.

Joan is hilarious & makes all the other people just that little bit more bearable. I now wish I could remember some of the things that she said, although I do remember that the panel discussed the fact that Heidi Klum never wears undies even though her dresses are Butt-Skimming.

I too, went through that stage.

Anyway, the photo above of Mitch, who works at 'BednobsEtc', is an example of A Fashion Crime.

Mitch is modelling a dress that must have had a past life as a large curtain for a bay window. It was labelled a Size 10 (perhaps a size 6 in the US). Someone must have liked it though, because it was gone this morning.

No one could look good in that dress. Not even Kate Moss. Or Even Heidi Klum.

Mitch treats me like I'm a v. wealthy Dowager who needs cheering up.

This morning he was out the back sorting clothes when I arrived. I'd been there about fifteen minutes & the Pickings were Slim. There was a Very Real Possibility that I might go home Empty Handed. Quelle Horreur!

I was desperately trying to imagine what an Ascended Master might do in a similar situation when Mitch appeared & casually asked, 'Have you found the 'Ferragamo' bag yet?'

Immediately, my Flight/Fight Mechanism swung into action.

Heart pounding & Palms sweating, I raced to the Bag Section & frantically began searching.

Of course it wasn't there.

Jane, the sales assistant was summoned.

'I don't remember selling it', she said.

That's right. A totally- out- of- it Junkie with a great eye for Designer Labels had snuck in & stolen it.

'Let it Go', the Ascended Master inside me commanded.

Ten minutes later while I was still relentlessly trawling through the racks, Mitch appeared dangling the bag from his Pinkie.

'Will this do, Madam?' he inquired.

For once, I really did feel like an Ascended Master.

But then the doubt inevitably arose.

'Is it real?' I asked all & sundry whilst closely examining the stitching for telltale shoddiness.

At least six people, all experts in their field, surveyed the bag . But no one, including myself, could decide. I think I'll just say that it is.

Ah....The Insatiable quest for Authenticity.

2. A Postscript.

Do you remember that I mentioned that in a bid to closely resemble Holly Golightly in 'Breakfast at Tiffany's' I was thinking of experimenting with Eye Shades?

Well, I actually bought some. Only five bucks. Reduced from maybe thirty bucks. From the Gift Shop at the Rupert Bunny Exhibition at the Art Gallery.

It's v. strange what they sell at these places. I personally couldn't remember seeing any eye shades in any of Bunny's paintings, but perhaps I wasn't looking hard enough.

3. Lastly.

Please note that the Teddy Bear that my Grandfather bought for me as a Coming- Home- from- The- Orphanage Gift when I was two weeks old is wearing the new eye shades. Teddy has been a v. faithful companion to me for all of my life.

Shame about the Human Teddys.

4. Lastly lastly.

Please also note the Patchwork bedspead that I bought in Bali for twenty bucks & carried home in my Carry On Only Luggage. What a shopper. What a traveller.

Who else do you know that can take ONLY Carry On Luggage on an overseas trip & still come back with Bedspreads & Napery as well as a whole load of Wooden Items ?