If Anna Wintour Did My Job for a Week

I just had a thought: Imagine if Anna Wintour & I swapped jobs for a week? Or perhaps longer? A month?

I wonder if that would be long enough to put together a whole issue of 'Vogue'?

Oooooo... I'm salivating now thinking about what I would do to it.

And I'm wondering what Anna would do to my whiteboard. Would she fill it with childish pictures of Shakespearean Characters looking ridiculous like I do? How would she go teaching 'As You Like It' as I'm doing at present?

And most importantly, would she allow herself & her outfit to be photographed at the end of the lesson like I do?

I must stop this, I'm drowning under the weight of all these Rhetorical Questions.

Look look look at me today, above. I'm channelling an Elderly Maid Marion who's just been smugly snogging a Not-So-Elderly Robin Hood behind a tree in The Forest.

Clearly, my Foundation Garments are of the same vintage as the original Maid Marion & her beau. I must, repeat MUST, stop wearing worn out & limp sports bras that create an Unfortunate Poached Egg Effect & start wearing new perky ones. Maybe with points at the end.

And I'm also not too sure about the Ever-So-Slightly-Puff Sleeves on the dress. I seem to remember that I may have A Rule about The Middleaged & Puff Sleeves. From memory, I think that they are two separate Venn Diagrams that should never intersect.

Here's a photo I took yesterday in Newtown probably not long before Poor Old Alexander McQueen committed suicide.

Poor Poor Poor Man. I know this may sound pat, but I never know how bad other people may be feeling.

Apparently Anna was so upset, she had to prematurely leave a Fashion Show.

And I'm wondering how would Anna go doing this part of my job which is offically called Yard Duty?

I'm sure she wouldn't want to go near a Garbage Bin. It would perhaps play havoc with her outfit. Note how I am carefully keeping the bin away from my rather uncomfortable scratchy synthetic material thrifted dress that was completely unsuitable for yesterday's Near Heatwave conditions. I am wearing a v. tight undergarment underneath which I incorrectly thought covered up my pink undies. But no one mentioned it, so perhaps no one noticed.

Lastly, I wonder how Anna would go standing outside St Mary's Cathedral like I did on tuesday preventing hoards of tourists & their flash photography from entering while our Annual School Opening Mass took place.

A student told me that I would be an excellent 'Door Bitch at a Niteclub'.

I was thrilled. I must have turned away hundreds. Except I let one edgy businessman in because I knew that he just wanted to say a prayer & he really needed it.

Speaking of Doors in Niteclubs.

I have never been successful in gaining access to anywhere where a Superior Person nursing a Clipboard was standing behind Velvet Ropes.

I just thought you'd like to know that.

I bet Anna always gets let in.