Do My Eyebrows Look Big in This?

I've just had my eyebrows waxed & tinted. It's part of my V. Strict Beauty Regime which I'll now quickly Walk You Through.

Every night I scrape the make up off my face with L'Oreal Because I'm Really Worth It Facial Wipes for Old Women.

And every second night I apply v. expensive Prescription Only Retinol Creme that my selfless friend Marge gave me when I was in California recently. She had her prescription made up & gave it to me because undoubtedly she thinks I need it more than her.

You're only supposed to put a tiny amount on - no more than the size of an average green pea I think was the exact measurement. Which goes against my Lifetime Practice of applying face creams liberally.

Each morning, I use either 'Dove' or any other cheap milky-like substance cleanser & water-like substance toner while I'm lying in the bath, usually after I wash my hair, which I wash every day. I gave up showering because I couldn't adjust the temperature properly.

You may, or may not wonder at my Daily Hair-Washing Practice which totally goes against every piece of advice that hairdressers have given me over the past forty years.

'Oh, don't wash your hair everyday. It will destroy all the natural oils', they chirp.

What a load of Manure. I've had Greasy Hair since the day I hit puberty. And it's getting Even Greasier.

Now we come to the Make up.

I only buy cheap. From the Supermarket. And I quite like 'Minerals' face powder. It is excellent for covering up huge red blotches that suddenly appear out of nowhere.

Rarely, if ever, would I go outside of my apartment building without make up on. Even if I'm just walking 25 metres to get a Takeaway Latte. You'd think I was Joan Collins or someone.

And now we come Full Circle back to the Eyebrows which I have expertly done by a lovely Japanese lady every three weeks. I find it such a Naughty & Slightly Risky Indulgence ever since Goldie at school told me that her best friend got a Golden Staph (perhaps wrong spelling) infection that completely disfigured her face & ruined her chances of becoming a newsreader because of Faulty Hot Wax.

Life is such a Knife-Edge, isn't it?

Hope you like these Faux Glam snaps of me taken outside 'Bednobs & Broomsticks' by Mitch, in the style of Bert Stern for Marilyn's Last Sitting.

I didn't buy the V. Real Fur Jacket. Someone else got in before me. But I probably wouldn't have bought it anyway.