Flogging a Dead Makeover

I've said it before & I'll say it again, I've always been a bit of a sucker for the British 'What Not to Wear' girls, Trinny & Susannah.

It's mainly the Posh Plummy Accents. And their general Born to Ruleness. Both of them perfectly combine Schoolyard Bully with The Queen Mother, or maybe Queen Victoria. They're Far Too Grand to be The Current Queen, though.

My daughter & I loved watching their show together. It felt like real Mother & Daughter quality time. Every week they'd produce three woman who in anybody's books looked Really Awful. It was always a variant on the same basic formula  - Midget Woman with a Bar-Fridge Figure who loves bum-skimming mini skirts & spill-your-guts bodice tops is thrilled that she's getting a makeover & thousands of pounds worth of free clothes. All she has to do is to strip off into her undies & stand in front of a Reveal All 360 degree mirror where she suddenly realises that Her Bum's Huge. Golly Gosh! Trinny & Susannah stand behind her loudly pointing out all her other flaws but then they try & say something nice like, 'you've got great tits' (that is, if you're a cow).

It's about this time that the Pop Psychology starts. Trinny will look soulfully into The Woman's eyes & say Something  Meaningful about Low Self-Esteem/Body Image/Hiding Behind One's Whatever/People Pleasing/Putting Others  Before Self.  Everyone Cries & Hugs.

Then they go to The Woman's house & put all her clothes in garbage bags & throw them out. The Woman's screams of protest are ignored. Next, they give her a lesson about only wearing clothes that cross over at the tits to accentuate her only good asset. Finally they hand over the money & send her out shopping.

Of course she chooses all the Wrong Clothes. But just at the Point of Purchase, Trinny & Susannah come rushing in to save the day. They loudly announce that everything she's chosen is Rancid.

Usually at this time The Woman has a Dummy Spit.

'No, no,  I don't care what you say, I don't look like an Amateur Hooker. I look sexy'.

Eventually she quietens down & goes along with all the stuff that The Girls choose. Everyone Cries & Hugs.

The finale is by far the Best Bit.

BarFridgeMidget has her Cinderella Moment & comes out looking almost completely unrecognisable. Everyone Gasps, then Cries & Hugs. While there's this huge emphasis on the clothes, what's clear is that the real stars here are the Hair & Makeup People who toil invisibly off camera. It's amazing what a good haircut & blow dry & some decently applied make up can do.

I realise that I've written some slightly sneery comments involving midgets. I don't mean actual Little People. I'm thinking more v. short people like my Birth Mother who is under five foot & hasn't bothered speaking to me in fourteen years. 

I now also realise that I've officially violated my rule of 'Never explain, Never defend'.

Never Mind.

Anyway, Trinny & Susannah have got a new book out just in time for Xmas. Of course. 

I saw it in 'Borders' & decided it wasn't worth buying even though as you can see it's been severely discounted ($29.95), or are 'Borders' lying about the original price ($43)? 

I don't mean to be negative, but I think The Girls have Already Said it All & are now Flogging a Dead Horse, or should it be Dead Makeover? 

I must say that when I opened the book I got a Nice Surprise when I saw that one of their Real Life Makeovers was a woman possibly Older than Me! I was thrilled, but still not thrilled enough to buy the book. But I did remove myself & the book to a remote part of the store in order to take some illicit photos of The Old Model so I could post them on here. I thought that I was so clever until Princess Pip said at school today that I was probably caught on CCTV & when I come in next time they'll ask me to leave. 

In the first photo, Rosamund looks like a Really Fit but Safe Granny. Then they tart her up with the hair & make up & she looks great. 

I'm not too sure about the Boho Look. BohoSchomo I say!