Which of Henry the Eighth's Wives do I Most Resemble?

This is not a trick question. And it is one that most of you reading this would certainly NOT be able to answer.

I can barely answer it myself.

But I was pondering on it this morning in the staffroom while I was trying to think of an alternative heading to 'Being Dumped'. As I explained in my last post, I'm moving out of that phase & into another one. And I want to come up a new label.

I'm not sure why I thought of dear Henry. I've never been interested in him & he really doesn't have much in common with Mr. Ex-Middleaged. In fact, on the eve of his 55th birthday which  happens to be today, Mr. Ex has just lost ten kilos, a feat that Henry never hoped nor perhaps WANTED to achieve. 

Anyway, I asked  my Learned Colleagues which of Henry's wives I most resembled. 

The Duchess, who is The Font of All Knowledge both Great & Small immediately said, 'Anne of Cleves'.

'Why so?' I asked.

'Well, she got to keep her head which was more than can be said for her successor, Katherine Howard. And she also kept her heart because Henry never bothered living with her because he thought she was too ugly. He thought she looked like some kind of Mare.'

So far there's no similarity that I can spot.

But then The Duchess said that Henry generously gave her all kinds of wonderful Real Estate & she spent loads of dough on Expensive Gowns & she was happy & wonderful to everyone including Henry's children. Her only vices were a love of ale & gambling.

Yes! That's Me!  

But I still want to come up with a new label.